Are your dating standards too high or too low?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

There. I fixed it for ya.

Girl please.

[Scandia]

Some people do have very high standards to protect themselves against further damage. Once upon a time their standards were much lower in order to have someone- and boy did it backfire because what they got certainly were total scum. So by raising your standards, you make sure to filter out scummy people.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Some people do have very high standards to protect themselves against further damage. Once upon a time their standards were much lower in order to have someone- and boy did it backfire because what they got certainly were total scum. So by raising your standards, you make sure to filter out scummy people.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Some people do have very high standards to protect themselves against further damage. Once upon a time their standards were much lower in order to have someone- and boy did it backfire because what they got certainly were total scum. So by raising your standards, you make sure to filter out scummy people.

Well, the thing is, those people lack balance in their lives. That's not a problem with the people they date but a problem with the person, him/herself.

Their standards were low before (big mistake #1) and now their standards are intentionally unrealistically high (big mistake #2). That's the formula for loneliness.

I always say people with a bad relationship or dating track record are people who: 1) intentionally find a certain type over-and-over again so they can predictably fail because they aren't ready for a relationship or are afraid of a relationship OR 2) people who have internal issues that lead them to unintentionally find a certain type over-and-over again.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Girl please.

Is there some off-the-board drama that you two need to keep to yourselves?

[AGDee]

I don't like the scale given. Mine would be considered Very High simply based on the scale. What those traits are and how many there are have more to do with whether they are "too high" or not.

[KSUViolet06]

My standards are high. There are certain things that are non-negotiable that I look or in a partner. If that means that I don't date alot or have a ton of boyfriends, so be it. I'd prefer being single to dating someone that I'm not happy with just to say that I have a boyfriend.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyВoy

Where better for drama than this board?

I'm just realizing this isn't the real PB.

Is this cheerfulgreek or a related sockpuppet?

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Girl please.

Well, aren't you just the most popular kid in school? I told you...border of identity theft. Always.

My standards are high, but I believe I hold myself to higher standards than I'd hold anyone else to. I expect a lot of myself, so I give leeway to others because I can't expect everyone I date (or everyone I interact with period) to act according to my way of life. However, if I'm looking at someone to be my life partner, then some things I won't waiver on. I'm a good woman and I deserve the best fit life has to offer me. In other words, I don't have to compromise for a 20 when my 80 is out there--and after I wade through all these busted up 20s, I have a feeling that 80 is gonna feel like 110.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I'm just realizing this isn't the real PB.

Is this cheerfulgreek or a related sockpuppet?

This one.

[DaemonSeid]

I think that as you date (and hopefully learn from the people that you have dated) your standards would adjust to something realistic. When I was younger, my standards were very high as I got older and wiser, I learned that I had to adjust because some of what I wanted and what I needed didn't mesh and I had to learn to find someone that eventually met more of what I NEEDED than what I wanted. Part of the problem of us setting standards is it's based on what you WANT and sometimes we place unnecessary wants above needs and feel a bit emptier because when we get what we 'want' after a while, you sometimes can feel a little more empty. Yes there are still certain non negotiables that we want (income, kids, location etc.) that we may stick to but at what cost?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Many people have unrealistic standards so that they will never be met. When their standards are never met, they can justify their loneliness (anger, bitterness, etc.) based on "well...I guess my standards are high"/"there aren't any good men/women/"I keep to myself because no one's worth it."

It's often about a fear of rejection or compromise. You never allow yourself to compromise with someone who is worth it and you're afraid to be rejected if you do compromise.

o.k. I get it now, but what about for people like me. My standards have always been high, and it wasn't because I didn't wanna be met, it was because I didn't wanna be with just any random guy. I think everyone has their set standards for whatever reason it may be, but I think my reasons are realistic. I also don't like being alone, I mean who does? I would have to stay lonely if I kept going out with guys who couldn't meet my standards.

[cheerfulgreek]

lol lol at all the PBs. No I'm not the PB trolls. Nice try though. To the real PB. I was kidding when I changed your post. Geez.

I was totally confused trying to distinguish the difference between the real PB and the troll PB. The only difference between the two are the post numbers. lol

Oh, and the real PB is a hottie.


The PBs singing Kappa songs----------------------->

lol lol lol lol lol

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. I get it now, but what about for people like me. My standards have always been high, and it wasn't because I didn't wanna be met, it was because I didn't wanna be with just any random guy. I think everyone has their set standards for whatever reason it may be, but I think my reasons are realistic. I also don't like being alone, I mean who does? I would have to stay lonely if I kept going out with guys who couldn't meet my standards.

Cheerful...here is my question for you...

What are some of the standards that you have?

Out of the ones you you list what are the ones that most of the guys you have dated failed to achieve?

Can you see yourself adjusting those standards that you have?

What are your non negotiables?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Cheerful...here is my question for you...

What are some of the standards that you have?

Out of the ones you you list what are the ones that most of the guys you have dated failed to achieve?

Can you see yourself adjusting those standards that you have?

What are your non negotiables?

Daemon, I really don't have a lot of standards. I do think one of the most important decisions I can make in life is choosing the right partner. I think choosing the right partner will contribute to my future happiness. We only live once, and the last thing I want is to be with a guy I have no chemistry with. Most women I know are still looking, content with the guy they have, or they wish they had a better one. I want a guy who will commit to me for the long haul. A guy that's loyal, and values it. I want a guy who is more of a listener than a talker, a guy who has a great sense of humor, a guy with ambition, and no he doesn't have to be rich or anything like that, but I want him to achieve his goals no matter what they are,(as long as it's legal) because if he achieves his goals and enjoys what he does, then I think that can contribute happiness to the relationship. I mean, who wants to be with someone who hates his/her job, wakes up grumpy and goes to bed grumpy?

No guy is perfect and I know I can't have everything I want, but the most important things are a must have.

The last guy I was with, wasn't very honest with me. Honesty is very important to me. His dishonesty made me feel isolated from him and I started to grow further and further away emotionally and physically. Guys like that fall short. The other guys I just dated, but most of them, I wasn't physically attracted to.

I can adjust some of the standards I have, but not very many. I do think sometimes we have to adjust some of the standards we have, because if we didn't I think most of us if not all of us would be lonely.