Tacky wedding "invitation"

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

My dad's work partner's son recently got engaged. In other words - "Hi we're going to have a destination wedding so we don't need to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon and we know you aren't really going to come so we're not even going to send you a real invitation. Instead we'll send these to everyone we know so we can fish for gifts without worrying about them coming to the wedding, and then the few people who come can get real invitations - that way we can narrow our costs and guest list but still milk everyone for gifts."

That's exactly how I would have interpreted it. Tacky, tacky!

[PenguinTrax]

Very tacky and very cheap. Common if you use the word as 'low brow' or 'lacking in class'.

[SHEETCAKE]

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

My dad's work partner's son recently got engaged. A few days ago they got the following "invitation" in the mail:

An 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper with a homemade printed "invitiation" mentioning that they had gotten engaged and would be getting married in Bermuda - to let the couple know if you would likely be attending so they could help everyone get travel arrangements, and then included a "reminder magnet" with their picture and the date. I think it said invitiations would then follow to those who were interested.

In other words - "Hi we're going to have a destination wedding so we don't need to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon and we know you aren't really going to come so we're not even going to send you a real invitation. Instead we'll send these to everyone we know so we can fish for gifts without worrying about them coming to the wedding, and then the few people who come can get real invitations - that way we can narrow our costs and guest list but still milk everyone for gifts."

At least that's how my parents interpreted it...

Should they get them a gift?

Is this kind of invite common or tacky? or both?

Tacky is as tacky does. You aren't invited anyway, so you won't be getting a piece of me!

[LightBulb]

As a college student, I appreciate having a little (printed) note inside the invitation with registry details. It just makes things easier on the guest. Should I go to Target? Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Where? It might not be etiquettely correct, but if it looks nice, I don't see any problem with it.

I actually had a couple of friends who got married, and the bride-to-be didn't want to say where they were registered. People actually said that was a bad / silly idea (I guess - what's the point of registering if people don't know where you are at / what to buy for you?).

Anyways, my sweetie was the best man. The end.

[sugarplumfairy]

Well, this is probably a late post, but it looks like the invitation should have said "Save the date" if invitations were to follow later. It pretty much should just have said they were having a destination wedding, the date and venue.

Whether or not to send a gift or not? I never feel obligated unless I really know the person and that includes co-workers..but close friends? I try to get a full place setting of china if I can swing it.

[RitaMae1908]

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

is it tacky to invite people you KNOW cant attend?

It's not tacky is called a "Courtesy Invitation", just to let the individual know that you were thinking of them when planning for your big day. You won't know for sure that they're not coming until you receive their RSVP!

[kddani]

Originally Posted by RitaMae1908

It's not tacky is called a "Courtesy Invitation", just to let the individual know that you were thinking of them when planning for your big day. You won't know for sure that they're not coming until you receive their RSVP!

I disagree- it is absolutely tacky. A lot of people consider that fishing for gifts. Receiving an invitation to something you can't attend makes most people feel that they have to at least send a gift. If you know someone can't attend, then send them an annoucement or picture or something after the fact. Don't send them an invite to something you already know they can't attend.

Fishing for gifts is always tacky.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by kddani

I disagree- it is absolutely tacky. A lot of people consider that fishing for gifts. Receiving an invitation to something you can't attend makes most people feel that they have to at least send a gift. If you know someone can't attend, then send them an annoucement or picture or something after the fact. Don't send them an invite to something you already know they can't attend.

Fishing for gifts is always tacky.

Not necessarily - we sent invitations to some relatives (older aunts and uncles, etc.) who we knew couldn't travel the distance, kind of a way of letting them know we didn't forget about them. I don't think you can automatically assume that people are "fishing for gifts" in that case; you may run into more trouble if some family members don't get invitations, even if you know they probably won't be able to make it. For them, an announcement, etc., just won't cut it.

Anyone who is planning a wedding should just look at their own family and friends and figure out what works best; for some families, it may just look like "fishing," and in some families, you would get more grief for not sending the invitation. Like everything else, people should just do what's best for their situation, not what they saw in some magazine or on a message board.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

Not necessarily - we sent invitations to some relatives (older aunts and uncles, etc.) who we knew couldn't travel the distance, kind of a way of letting them know we didn't forget about them. I don't think you can automatically assume that people are "fishing for gifts" in that case; you may run into more trouble if some family members don't get invitations, even if you know they probably won't be able to make it. For them, an announcement, etc., just won't cut it.

What is bad is being absolutely positive Uncle Bern and Aunt Velma won't come because of their age or whatever - and then getting their RSVP back saying they've decided to leave their home after 50 years and come. Too bad you don't really have room for them because you invited someone else.

One of my coworkers about 2 weeks prior to her wedding sent an email around to some of us (who she hadn't invited previously) saying they had a poor response to their invites and so were inviting us if we wanted to come. That was just the height of tacky to me. If she wanted me there, she should have asked me when the real invites went out.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by 33girl

What is bad is being absolutely positive Uncle Bern and Aunt Velma won't come because of their age or whatever - and then getting their RSVP back saying they've decided to leave their home after 50 years and come. Too bad you don't really have room for them because you invited someone else.

That's true, although I'm not sure why you would invite someone you didn't want to come or had room for in the first place. When we were planning, we had room for everyone people we invited, just in case they wanted to travel to the wedding. It turned out that a couple of family members from California were able to make the trip.

I don't think you can ever predict who will show up; I had a friend who was an hour away who couldn't come, but relatives from cross-country who made the trip. Anytime you try to predict those things, something will change.

[RitaMae1908]

Originally Posted by kddani

I disagree- it is absolutely tacky. A lot of people consider that fishing for gifts. Receiving an invitation to something you can't attend makes most people feel that they have to at least send a gift. If you know someone can't attend, then send them an annoucement or picture or something after the fact. Don't send them an invite to something you already know they can't attend.

Fishing for gifts is always tacky.

Either way someone ends up getting mad because if you send someone an invite then they may or may not feel the need to send a gift if they can't attend (i'm not expecting people that don't attend to give us a gift), on the other hand if you don't invite them at all then they're pissed anyway whether or not that had any intentions of coming or not. Ultimately I'm gonna do me. It's our day I'm the only who has to be smiling!!! Just my opinion... take it with a grain of salt.

[NinjaPoodle]

Question:
If you’re having a reception only (the couple is eloping) do they issue:

A. Announcement of the wedding separate from the reception

Or

B. Announce the wedding and reception on the same card?

Muchas Gracias very much and come again.

[OneTimeSBX]

you can do it both ways.

when we were going to elope and i swear i think we still are( crazy family...) the invites we saw went something like

bob and jane would like to announce their marriage on
this exotic island
this date

now help welcome them back
with a reception
blah blah hotel
etc.

i say save on postage and do it that way.