Something like a prodigal daughter

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by BeOfService1rst

I do my best not to seem too aloof or snobby (although admittedly, I have some part of these less-than-admirable traits) . . .

Given the stereotypes and condescension in your post, I think you need to try harder, Babs.

[FSUZeta]

yep-sounds like sorority life is not for you-i don't think you would be happy having to conform to or consider what is good for the "group"-what with your admitted "extreme sense of individuality". nor do i think that you would be a good fit for junior league. as a league member, i know that the membership is most successful when we are working as a group toward a common goal-not as a mass of individuals doing our own thing.

i will say that i have known league members from each of the 26 npc sororities as well as the ladies of the divine 9 sororities and many, many league members who were not members of sororities at all. membership in a greek organization is not a prerequisite for league membership and no one group holds an advantage over another.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BeOfService1rst

First, a bit of background:


Now the issues:

1.) I am wondering whether rushing late will affect my prospects for a bid. I am not a transfer.

2.) I have a strong interest in philanthropy, but little interest in excessive BS and cattiness. Even if sisterhood is lacking, I want to avoid total disfunction.

3.) I understand and accept that some sororities are prestigious/exclusive, but want to be sure that I do not become involved in a culture of exclusion.

4.) I am not sure if I am ready to bare as much skin as some sorors around campus.

4a.) Will I be able to do anything by myself if I become a pledge?

5.) My godparents are WASPs and I don't want to somehow embarrass or offend them by my final choice of sorority.

6.) My biological family is historically Delta Sigma Theta (a black sorority) since the 1920's, but I have become interested in a particularly older "women's fraternity". Should I be concerned about forsaking this tradition?

7.) I like the idea of a prestigious sorority, but am concerned about the worldviews of some of my potential "sisters". I like to have intellectual conversations.

8.) There are strong expectations that I join the Junior League upon graduation (which I will) and I am wondering if there is some sorority that complements this tradition.

I am very interested in any suggestions about which sororities I might look at further.

*I am new to all of this and apologize if any of my concerns seem trivial, but would like to remind everyone that they are important to me.

I'm surprised that with everything you claim to stand for, that no one in your family taught you anything about the concept of DISCRETION and not putting tons of info out about who you are over the internet. It's considered to be bad form and very inappropriate.


Your persistent stereotyping of a grgoup of women you obviously know nothing about is also VERY inappropriate.


Because I'm feeling a little nice today:

1. Depending on your school, not being a freshman student will negatively affect you.

2. Sorority women are human. With any group of females, there is bound to be drama--whether it be a sorority or otherwise. That's just part of life. If you cannot handle that, then being in a sorority is probably not for you, as sorority sisters do often have conflicts and disagreements.

3. Sororities are by nature exlusive organizations in that not every girl who participates in recruitment is going to be asked to be part of one. Again, if this is something you take issue with, it may not be for you.

4. Skimpy clothing is not exclusive to sorority members. If you think that it is, you have alot to learn about life before you join any sorority.

4a. Yes. It's a sorority, not the chain gang. Again, you can't be serious with how dense some of your questions sound.

5. This is your life and not theirs. The sorority a person joins has to be a good fit for THEM, not their parents, godparents, etc.

6. Again, this is your life.

7. Sororities are not cults full of women with the same beliefs and thoughts. Part of being in a sorority involves interacting with women who have DIFFERENT worldviews than you. If you are not prepared to do that, then a sorority is not for you.

8. JL varies by city and depending on where you live, miost of the JL members may be sorority alumnae, but there are also places where NO ONE in JL is a sorority member. It jusrt depends and you need not be a sorority alumna to join.

Bottom line: If all you want to do is talk about how intellectual and indivdual you are, and you are not interested in meeting new people who do not share your worldviews, you are better of NOT joining a sorority.

No sorority is going to be interested in someone who thinks this way about sorority members and sorority life.

[BeOfService1rst]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I'm surprised that with everything you claim to stand for, that no one in your family taught you anything about the concept of DISCRETION and not putting tons of info out about who you are over the internet. It's considered to be bad form and very inappropriate.


Your persistent stereotyping of a grgoup of women you obviously know nothing about is also VERY inappropriate.


Because I'm feeling a little nice today:

1. Depending on your school, not being a freshman student will negatively affect you.

2. Sorority women are human. With any group of females, there is bound to be drama--whether it be a sorority or otherwise. That's just part of life. If you cannot handle that, then being in a sorority is probably not for you, as sorority sisters do often have conflicts and disagreements.

3. Sororities are by nature exlusive organizations in that not every girl who participates in recruitment is going to be asked to be part of one. Again, if this is something you take issue with, it may not be for you.

4. Skimpy clothing is not exclusive to sorority members. If you think that it is, you have alot to learn about life before you join any sorority.

4a. Yes. It's a sorority, not the chain gang. Again, you can't be serious with how dense some of your questions sound.

5. This is your life and not theirs. The sorority a person joins has to be a good fit for THEM, not their parents, godparents, etc.

6. Again, this is your life.

7. Sororities are not cults full of women with the same beliefs and thoughts. Part of being in a sorority involves interacting with women who have DIFFERENT worldviews than you. If you are not prepared to do that, then a sorority is not for you.

8. JL varies by city and depending on where you live, miost of the JL members may be sorority alumnae, but there are also places where NO ONE in JL is a sorority member. It jusrt depends and you need not be a sorority alumna to join.

Bottom line: If all you want to do is talk about how intellectual and indivdual you are, and you are not interested in meeting new people who do not share your worldviews, you are better of NOT joining a sorority.

No sorority is going to be interested in someone who thinks this way about sorority members and sorority life.

Oh, my. I must say that I realize that I put some inappropriate comments in the first post, but I want to stress that after much thought I decided that complete honesty and openess (about myself and my reservations) would be the best course of action. I took for granted that people would assume that my spending time in a forum was an indication that I am interested in greek life and seek to be corrected about any misconceptions that I may have about sorority membership. What I did fail to do is to list the reasons that I am attracted to greek life:

1.) I have met many wonderful people at my school and some of the people that I respect the most are members of the sororities. I know multiple people in all of them whom I respect.

2.) I have been very impressed when I repeatedly see sorority members around town at volunteer events.

3.) Some of the nicest people on campus have been sorors. Often they have helped me out when I need help the most.

4.) I have repeatedly been impressed during group work and class presentations when sorors repeatedly demonstrate superb preparation that is consistently reflected in seamless, stellar presentations.

5.) I have seen sorors in crisis; and then I have seen their sisters come to their aid and try to rectify the situation. I found it endearing, admirable and very inspiring.

6.) There have been some instances when I have talked with a soror who was about to speak negatively about another and was stopped by her sister. I took note.

7.) When I am around sorors and the topic of their respective sororities come up, what they have to say is always positive.

I could go on, but I hope this suffices to say that the compassion, altruism, work ethic and love between sorors is something that has inspired me. I aspire to many of the attributes that they demonstrate.

When I ask seemingly negative questions, it is not because I subscribe to stereotypes, but because I want to hear how other greeks will respond to the questions. I expected that I would receive constructive criticism about some of the ignorant or misguided notions that I may have demonstrated. I will take KSUViolet06's comments and respond to them:

*On discretion: when I felt that I needed help I thought that an anonymous forum might be a way to ask people who don't know me for honest, open, direct advice. In order to get that type of advice I felt that I had to be very honest and open myself. It was not my intention to offend sensibilities.

1.) Thank you for your answer.

2.) I thought that I did state that I understood that there will be some "issues" along the way. I just wanted reassurance.

3.) Again, I thought that I did state that I understood and accepted this aspect of the system. If I was unclear I apologize.

4.) I phrased the question very unintelligently. Not very thoughtful of me in the least. I do understand that sorors are by no means anywhere near the worst offenders in this respect.

4a.) Again, an inelegant question. I also apologize for that one.

5.) Point taken. Like I said, I do find this aspect of my life to be something of note. I do not claim to always understand WASPs, even if I live with them.

6.) Again, this is another thing that I comes to mind for me when I think about greek life. I hope that you can understand this.

7.) I think I may have been misunderstood. I understand that one can only grow when one is exposed to different viewpoints. I was saying that I hope this is the case in sororities. I now assume that it is.

8.) Thank you for your answer.

Re: to "Bottom Line": "Intellectual" is a term that I do not like that is often applied to me by others. I do not think it is a thing of pride and realize that identifying oneself as such can be alienating. I am not sure how else to respond to this. I am interested in meeting diverse, thoughtful people and understand that such people can be found in sororities.

I do not have a negative view of sororities; in fact, I thought that the positive aspects of them would be taken for granted. I hope that I can be better understood after having written this.

Faithfully,

Me

[myopicsunflower]

Originally Posted by BeOfService1rst

Re: to "Bottom Line": "Intellectual" is a term that I do not like that is often applied to me by others. I do not think it is a thing of pride and realize that identifying oneself as such can be alienating. I am not sure how else to respond to this. I am interested in meeting diverse, thoughtful people and understand that such people can be found in sororities.

Wow. I find your view of intellectuals to be very unfortunate. I consider myself one, and I know many women in many sororities who are most certainly intellectuals -- their academic achievements are testaments to this. Most sororities strive to achieve as high a chapter GPA as possible -- having a high chapter GPA is a point of pride -- and support their sisters in their scholarly endeavors.

There is a big difference between an intellectual and someone who sequesters herself with her studies. From my experience with the latter type of person, such alienation is usually self-imposed.

Diverse people *can* be found in sororities. Diversity includes intellectuals.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by BeOfService1rst

3.) Some of the nicest people on campus have been sorors. Often they have helped me out when I need help the most.

4.) I have repeatedly been impressed during group work and class presentations when sorors repeatedly demonstrate superb preparation that is consistently reflected in seamless, stellar presentations.

5.) I have seen sorors in crisis; and then I have seen their sisters come to their aid and try to rectify the situation. I found it endearing, admirable and very inspiring.

6.) There have been some instances when I have talked with a soror who was about to speak negatively about another and was stopped by her sister. I took note.

7.) When I am around sorors and the topic of their respective sororities come up, what they have to say is always positive.

A tip:

"Soror" is a term that is used by the Divine 9 sororities and some multicultural sororities. You will not, at least in my experience, find it used among the 26 members of the National Panhellenic Council, including the three groups on your campus.

As for the Divine 9 sororities, it is my impression from statements on GreekChat that the members of those group do not view it as appropriate for anyone to refer to someone else as a "soror" unless both are members of the same sorority.

*On discretion: when I felt that I needed help I thought that an anonymous forum might be a way to ask people who don't know me for honest, open, direct advice. In order to get that type of advice I felt that I had to be very honest and open myself. It was not my intention to offend sensibilities.

It's not that your lack of discretion offended sensibilities really. It's that it took me, a guy in the South, two minutes tops to figure out where you go to school. You said that there are only 3 NPC sororities at your small private school in the Northeast; you told us which they were and said you " have become interested in a particularly older 'women's fraternity'" -- a term that only applies to two of the groups on your campus. "Particularly older" suggests you're referring to the older of those groups. Then you described yourself enough that if anyone in any of the 3 NPC groups on your campus sees this thread -- it's naive and dangerous to assume they haven't -- there's absolutely nothing "anonymous" about your posts.

Your lack of discretion may have blown your chances for a successful recruitment.

[kayrs24]

I'm really torn right now. I will be a sophomore next fall and I was thinking about pledging a Panhellanic sorority but I am already a member of a non-greek community service sorority.... I really want to do both, but I just wondered if anyone has done this and been able to balance it...
Thanks!

[knight_shadow]

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=86918

[kayrs24]

I already read "A service sorority or fraternity and an NPC - allowed"
but i just wondered if anyone had done this and found it to be too difficult or do-able or if any of your sisters had any problems with it...etc

[myopicsunflower]

I knew Greek women at my school who were also members of ESA, and it wasn't an issue. I also know Greeks from other schools who were in Alpha Phi Omega, and they never seemed to have any problems. I think as long as you're upholding your time commitments to your GLO, you're probably fine.

[baitandswitch]

I'm actually in your situation. I'm an active brother in APO, and currently pledging a IFC fraternity. What I have found difficult is finding a balance between both of my commitments. I have made some sacrifices when there are conflicting events, so you will have to decide on where you want to spend most of your time. It is doable but you just have to manage your time very well and stay organized.

[BeOfService1rst]

Response to feedback


I wanted to try to clear up some of the misunderstandings that my last post may have caused. The quote and response below can be found at the end of the original thread. While this may not completely redeem me, I wanted to make sure that at least there was some clarification about the conversation that I was attempting to have in such an inelegant fashion. Please accept my sincere apologies. I hope that I can be excused for any misgivings:

Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
I'm surprised that with everything you claim to stand for, that no one in your family taught you anything about the concept of DISCRETION and not putting tons of info out about who you are over the internet. It's considered to be bad form and very inappropriate.


Your persistent stereotyping of a grgoup of women you obviously know nothing about is also VERY inappropriate.


Because I'm feeling a little nice today:

1. Depending on your school, not being a freshman student will negatively affect you.

2. Sorority women are human. With any group of females, there is bound to be drama--whether it be a sorority or otherwise. That's just part of life. If you cannot handle that, then being in a sorority is probably not for you, as sorority sisters do often have conflicts and disagreements.

3. Sororities are by nature exlusive organizations in that not every girl who participates in recruitment is going to be asked to be part of one. Again, if this is something you take issue with, it may not be for you.

4. Skimpy clothing is not exclusive to sorority members. If you think that it is, you have alot to learn about life before you join any sorority.

4a. Yes. It's a sorority, not the chain gang. Again, you can't be serious with how dense some of your questions sound.

5. This is your life and not theirs. The sorority a person joins has to be a good fit for THEM, not their parents, godparents, etc.

6. Again, this is your life.

7. Sororities are not cults full of women with the same beliefs and thoughts. Part of being in a sorority involves interacting with women who have DIFFERENT worldviews than you. If you are not prepared to do that, then a sorority is not for you.

8. JL varies by city and depending on where you live, miost of the JL members may be sorority alumnae, but there are also places where NO ONE in JL is a sorority member. It jusrt depends and you need not be a sorority alumna to join.

Bottom line: If all you want to do is talk about how intellectual and indivdual you are, and you are not interested in meeting new people who do not share your worldviews, you are better of NOT joining a sorority.

No sorority is going to be interested in someone who thinks this way about sorority members and sorority life.


Oh, my. I must say that I realize that I put some inappropriate comments in the first post, but I want to stress that after much thought I decided that complete honesty and openess (about myself and my reservations) would be the best course of action. I took for granted that people would assume that my spending time in a forum was an indication that I am interested in greek life and seek to be corrected about any misconceptions that I may have about sorority membership. What I did fail to do is to list the reasons that I am attracted to greek life:

1.) I have met many wonderful people at my school and some of the people that I respect the most are members of the sororities. I know multiple people in all of them whom I respect.

2.) I have been very impressed when I repeatedly see sorority members around town at volunteer events.

3.) Some of the nicest people on campus have been sorors. Often they have helped me out when I need help the most.

4.) I have repeatedly been impressed during group work and class presentations when sorors repeatedly demonstrate superb preparation that is consistently reflected in seamless, stellar presentations.

5.) I have seen sorors in crisis; and then I have seen their sisters come to their aid and try to rectify the situation. I found it endearing, admirable and very inspiring.

6.) There have been some instances when I have talked with a soror who was about to speak negatively about another and was stopped by her sister. I took note.

7.) When I am around sorors and the topic of their respective sororities come up, what they have to say is always positive.

I could go on, but I hope this suffices to say that the compassion, altruism, work ethic and love between sorors is something that has inspired me. I aspire to many of the attributes that they demonstrate.

When I ask seemingly negative questions, it is not because I subscribe to stereotypes, but because I want to hear how other greeks will respond to the questions. I expected that I would receive constructive criticism about some of the ignorant or misguided notions that I may have demonstrated. I will take KSUViolet06's comments and respond to them:

*On discretion: when I felt that I needed help I thought that an anonymous forum might be a way to ask people who don't know me for honest, open, direct advice. In order to get that type of advice I felt that I had to be very honest and open myself. It was not my intention to offend sensibilities.

1.) Thank you for your answer.

2.) I thought that I did state that I understood that there will be some "issues" along the way. I just wanted reassurance.

3.) Again, I thought that I did state that I understood and accepted this aspect of the system. If I was unclear I apologize.

4.) I phrased the question very unintelligently. Not very thoughtful of me in the least. I do understand that sorors are by no means anywhere near the worst offenders in this respect.

4a.) Again, an inelegant question. I also apologize for that one.

5.) Point taken. Like I said, I do find this aspect of my life to be something of note. I do not claim to always understand WASPs, even if I live with them.

6.) Again, this is another thing that I comes to mind for me when I think about greek life. I hope that you can understand this.

7.) I think I may have been misunderstood. I understand that one can only grow when one is exposed to different viewpoints. I was saying that I hope this is the case in sororities. I now assume that it is.

8.) Thank you for your answer.

Re: to "Bottom Line": "Intellectual" is a term that I do not like that is often applied to me by others. I do not think it is a thing of pride and realize that identifying oneself as such can be alienating. I am not sure how else to respond to this. I am interested in meeting diverse, thoughtful people and understand that such people can be found in sororities.

I do not have a negative view of sororities; in fact, I thought that the positive aspects of them would be taken for granted. I hope that I can be better understood after having written this.

Faithfully,

Me

[KSUViolet06]

I'm really unsure why you felt that your response needed a separate thread when you have already posted it in other one.

[BeOfService1rst]

When I hear the term "Intellectual" it smacks of elite overtones. I just consider myself a person. I really don't know what you are getting at. Please stop.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BeOfService1rst

When I hear the term "Intellectual" it smacks of elite overtones. I just consider myself a person. I really don't know what you are getting at. Please stop.

You know, there is a level of humility that has to come with seeking membership in any sorority. Maybe personality isn't best communicated via the internet, but from what I have read of your posts, you could stand to be a bit more humble.

You need to relax a little and stop being so concerned about whether the women in the sororities will be having conversations that are "intellectual" enough and just focus on geniunely attempting to get to know them.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you plan on talking to sorority members in the same way you're typing in your posts online, you may have a hard time.