"These are the rules!" But you didn't understand....

[StealthMode]

Add me to the No Curfew Club.

I had very few rules growing up because I was a "good kid." I wasn't interested in partying and sneaking off with boys or other stereotypical teen activities. I loved going for walks and was annoyed at the "no walks after dark" rule. I was too boneheaded to understand what could happen to a kid out walking the streets by herself in the dark but am grateful for that rule now.

The biggest "aha" moment I've had as an adult is the rule that you speak to everyone when you come into a room. I thought it was totally stupid and unnecessary to have to greet and hug everyone individually. Once when I was 14, I ran into the house and bolted straight to the bathroom because I had to go so badly. I said hurried "Hi" to my dog (who was in my direct line of sight) but not to my dad who had been sitting in the corner. The second I came out of the bathroom, I was grounded. It seemed so harsh and unfair. But as an adult, I can only imagine how it felt to have your youngest child greet the dog and not you. My dad and I had a seriously strained relationship during my teens but, even with the things he'd done, he didn't deserve that. I now understand the common courtesy of acknowledging someone's presence because I now know how it feels to have someone say hello to a select few people and pass you like you're not even there.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Low D Flat

I STILL don't understand curfew.

My classmates raised all kinds of hell, but they did it before 11 PM. How does that make it better? What's the difference? The question ought to be what you're doing and with whom, not what time it is.

In my household, the curfew isn't about what they're doing at that time of night, it is about the fact that I won't sleep soundly until I know they are home safe and sound. The kids' car isn't the most reliable, so there is a high risk of it breaking down, and there are more drunk drivers on the road during later hours so a part of me is worrying, even when I'm "asleep", whether they'll get home safely when they are out. Plus, if my phone is going to ring after I'm asleep for me to come and get them from somewhere, I want it to be at a reasonable hour.

I had a curfew. I also had a lot of food rules (also Italian). Instead of 3 bites though, I had to eat as many as I was old (in years). So when I was 8, I had to eat 8 peas. To this day, I don't understand that. My mom always said I'd grow to like those foods I hated, but I never did. It was torture trying to choke down lima beans and peas. Ick. I did not make that rule for my kids.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I had a curfew. I also had a lot of food rules (also Italian). Instead of 3 bites though, I had to eat as many as I was old (in years). So when I was 8, I had to eat 8 peas.

I only had to eat 1 bite of everything, but I had to do it without making a face. If I made a face, then that meant try again. My mother finally figured out it was a lost cause with beets and tomato aspic.

As for curfew, I really only had one if I was on a date; then it was 15 minutes after her parents said she had to be home.

[Sciencewoman]

I agree with AGDee...the curfew is more about the parents knowing that the kid is home safe at an hour that reasonably aligns with the parents' bedtime. I trust my kids, but I do worry about drunk drivers, etc.

The summer after my freshman year of college, my mother told me she was worried that I'd turned into "an all-night partier" -- her angst-ridden tone suggested that "all-night partier" ranked slightly below "ax murderer" on her scale of nefarious activities available to teens.

So, I made a conscious effort to be cool when my daughter came home last summer, and I told her that I'd appreciate her staying in touch if she was out later, so I'd know she was OK.

MC, what do you think your parents were worried about happening AFTER you dropped off your dates? I'm trying to figure out that logic...I'd be more more concerned about the date itself, not your speed of return afterward.