What does it say in your by-laws?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

thanks for the responses thus far! I actually ask because one of my closest friends made it all the way to having a bid in her hand, only to be pulled aside by her rho gamma/alpha zeta/etc right before the ceremony to be told national headquarters had declined due to martial status.

Which ceremony are we talking about here?

If she was told this on bid day, it's hard to believe. Even if a sorority had a rule against this, I can't imagine national headquarters had gone through every new member's information for this one particular chapter, contacted the chapter, which in turn contacted the rho gamma, who then contacted the new member, all within a day or two. I guess it's POSSIBLE, but something sounds off here.

Is your friend telling you the truth? Did she maybe not want to feel completely humiliated, so she made up some technicality as the reason she didn't receive a bid? Again, I'm not saying it's not possible, but I don't believe there are any sororities that restrict married women from joining. A chapter may have an unwritten rule against it, but I don't think there would be such a rule at the national level.

But I've been proved wrong before

[TransferPNM]

Bid day ceremony!

Is it bad that was the first thing I assumed too? I felt bad, but I heard some pretty wacky stories across the board that week, to be honest. It wasn't until one of my classmates mentioned it after witnessing it that I fully believed it. I then saw the apologetic emails come through for a couple weeks after the situation occurred from her rho gamma and almost-sisters. The school completed recruitment within a week, if I remember correctly. I believe the last round occurred the night before the bid day, so it's possible correspondence didn't occur.
But it's good to know that so many people don't see this as any issue at all - across the board! I don't know if that's because things have changed over the past 6 years or if it was just a poorly-dealt-with precedent at the school. Or, like you mention, it may have been an "unwritten" thing.
I, too, found it to be a bizarre thing for nationals to initiate, as the mission statements often talk about the inclusion of all types of women. But I thought it may have something to do with an "alumni" status if anything at all. Thanks so much for your feedback; it's much appreciated!

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Which ceremony are we talking about here?

If she was told this on bid day, it's hard to believe. Even if a sorority had a rule against this, I can't imagine national headquarters had gone through every new member's information for this one particular chapter, contacted the chapter, which in turn contacted the rho gamma, who then contacted the new member, all within a day or two. I guess it's POSSIBLE, but something sounds off here.

Is your friend telling you the truth? Did she maybe not want to feel completely humiliated, so she made up some technicality as the reason she didn't receive a bid? Again, I'm not saying it's not possible, but I don't believe there are any sororities that restrict married women from joining. A chapter may have an unwritten rule against it, but I don't think there would be such a rule at the national level.

But I've been proved wrong before

[thetalady]

If you are rushing at a campus with sorority housing, be sure to take that into account. If you are able to be initiated into a chapter with a house, they will likely have live in requirements... requirements that will NOT include bringing a husband along! Being married will not be an acceptable reason to get out of your obligation.

[TransferPNM]

Originally Posted by thetalady

If you are rushing at a campus with sorority housing, be sure to take that into account. If you are able to be initiated into a chapteorr with a house, they will likely have live in requirements... requirements that will NOT include bringing a husband along! Being married will not be an acceptable reason to get out of your obligation.

Thanks for that! My husband and I have heavily discussed and researched over the past year. We have definitely decided it's a perfect fit for me and for our situation. My campus has so many different options!

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

Thanks for that! My husband and I have heavily discussed and researched over the past year. We have definitely decided it's a perfect fit for me and for our situation. My campus has so many different options!

How do you and your husband know that sorority life is a perfect fit for you? I can't even imagine being married and being in a sorority! It is hard enough to have a serious boyfriend or fiance. Not only are there long required hours spent with your sisters especially when pledging there are also a lot of mandatory activities where your husband will not be welcome or included and some of those will include a lot of other men and parties. I'd feel pretty horrible if my spouse kept going out without me like that. I think when you're married you are in kind of a different place.

Like others have said, even if a sorority technically allows a married lady to join it doesn't mean she won't be immediately cut for that reason. You should be very honest with all the houses when you rush and really think hard about the time and emotional commitments needed especially as a new member because I think you are probably not as well informed about that as you think.

[TransferPNM]

Originally Posted by Old_Row

How do you and your husband know that sorority life is a perfect fit for you? I can't even imagine being married and being in a sorority! It is hard enough to have a serious boyfriend or fiance. Not only are there long required hours spent with your sisters especially when pledging there are also a lot of mandatory activities where your husband will not be welcome or included and some of those will include a lot of other men and parties. I'd feel pretty horrible if my spouse kept going out without me like that. I think when you're married you are in kind of a different place.

Like others have said, even if a sorority technically allows a married lady to join it doesn't mean she won't be immediately cut for that reason. You should be very honest with all the houses when you rush and really think hard about the time and emotional commitments needed especially as a new member because I think you are probably not as well informed about that as you think.

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I honestly think I would be more concerned about a member with a new boyfriend than a husband. In those situations, they may refuse to go a day without seeing each other and follow each other around like little dogs - haha.

Um, wow. That kind of condescending attitude will be more detrimental than a wedding ring ever would.

I agree with everyone who said be upfront and definitely wear your ring. Sorority members and PNMs are instructed not to talk about men/relationships during rush, but this is a little different.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I honestly think I would be more concerned about a member with a new boyfriend than a husband. In those situations, they may refuse to go a day without seeing each other and follow each other around like little dogs - haha.

Um, ok.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

Wait. Your husband will be gone for 8 months out of the year and you're going to be going to fraternity mixers and whatnot? How old are you anyway and how long have you been married?

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

How old are you, and what is your class standing? Sometimes, marriage itself might not necessarily be the issue, but some people might assume that you are quite a bit older than everyone else or that your priorities are (much) different due to marriage.

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I honestly think I would be more concerned about a member with a new boyfriend than a husband. In those situations, they may refuse to go a day without seeing each other and follow each other around like little dogs - haha.

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I apologize, it was just a joke. It's a popular way every body from where I am from discusses puppy love.

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

Local joke. Apologies. I have deleted it. Sorry for any offense.

I'm sorry, but what exactly is "local" about your "joke"?