Question for Rec Writers from a Rec Writer

[AOII Angel]

I don't know. I think I'd want my chapter to know that the PNM had dropped prior to initiation. It's salient information. A rec is an alumna's opportunity to give any an all information she has about a PNM to her sisters. If you want to elaborate about the why and wherefores, great, but leaving it out when you know about it is akin to lying.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I don't know. I think I'd want my chapter to know that the PNM had dropped prior to initiation. It's salient information. A rec is an alumna's opportunity to give any an all information she has about a PNM to her sisters. If you want to elaborate about the why and wherefores, great, but leaving it out when you know about it is akin to lying.

So, leaving out some information is akin to lying, but leaving out other information is not?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

So, leaving out some information is akin to lying, but leaving out other information is not?

What are you leaving out?

[barnard1897]

I have written second recs before. It happens all the time--freshman goes through, doesn't like results, and goes through again mext year, needing recs again. Usually they don't go as far as the eve of initiation, but to me, that signals that the girl didn't just give up on bid day. I don't know the details of the story, of course, but she must have tried to some degree to make it work with the house she pledged. I'm not sure that her actions should only be seen as negative.

In one case, I wrote a second rec for a woman who transferred schools. She got into her first choice sorority at college 1 but did not like the campus even though she loved her house. She did not go through initiation, instead transferring mid year. She then went through recruitment at her new school, and ultimately joined a different house than she had pledged originally at college 1. We decided not to mention any of her past history in the recs.

I don't know that I would necessarily raise the point about her depledging in the rec, as the sororities probably already know or will find out--word does get around fast. It really depends on the facts. If you know for certain she used the house she ultimately walked away from, that's one thing, but if you don't know the circumstances, why raise speculation? Allow her go through and deal with any fall out, as surely being an upperclassman alone will close many doors? In my experience, these girls have had some additional time to swallow their pride and grow up--they go through the second time with a better head on their shoulders..

If in fact she's just shopping around for what she thinks will be a better sorority and experience, she will find out quickly whether her chances have improved or worsened with the other houses. Let her be the one to tell the story, unless you know for certain what happened and why. I would hope, as this young woman, she had taken some time to gain some leadership experience in place of a sorority during the past year, so she has some fodder when rushing as an upperclassman.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

I might. I would have to have a serious conversation with her about the situation and my willingness to write another recommendation would depend on her answers and attitude.