Rudest PNM You Had to Deal With

[PizzaLove]

As a chapter that struggled with numbers, my sisters and I unfortunately had to deal with a lot of this because the pnms were told they were guaranteed bids if they attended all their parties and maximized their options, which is not true. So, some pnms who wanted to be dropped by us would, at best, give one word answers and looked bored. We’ve had some really bad ones though. There’s always girls who bring up drinking and partying when they know full well that is an off-limits topic, or others who tell us about all of their connections to other sororities and that they only came back because they had to. The absolute worst one that I remember happened to one of my sisters a few years ago. She was talking to a pnm who had transferred from another school, where we happen to also have a chapter. So, my sister asked her something about it, like if she had gotten to know any of our members there. The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back. This was the most extreme case of pnm rudeness we had that I can recall, but even the mild stuff, like the bored looks and not engaging in conversation really take a toll on chapter morale. And because of numbers and pressure to grow, there often was not a lot we could do. Luckily, we had some great pledge classes and have grown a lot. So, with the improvement, the frequency of rude pnms is decreasing each year.

One of the hardest things that we had to learn with the rude pnms was that we just had to “kill them with kindness,” even though what we really wanted to do was tell them off or walk away or cry. We often had to double recruit when we were smaller, and nothing was worse than one engaged, polite pnm paired with another who would seemingly rather be hit by a bus, because we would see the interested pnm start to look upset or unsure when she saw the kind of reception our members got sometimes. But always, and especially with double recruiting, you can’t let the pnm’s attitude get to you because you are still selling your chapter to everyone else in the room. What I always wished I could tell all the pnms before going through recruitment is this:

No, you are not guaranteed anything. There are girls who go unmatched every year. No one will be forced to take you. Don’t think that if you work to get your bottom choices to cut you that your top choices will have to invite you back. Yes, you should give every chapter a chance, but even if it’s not a good fit, act like a decent human being at every party! If you are as great and coveted as you think you are, then it will be your choice anyway!

For other chapters dealing with this, hang in there. Know your resources and make sure you have someone reliable to go to with concerns, whether this is your recruitment chair, president, adviser, or other sister. If you are that person getting your sisters’ concerns, make sure they know you are handling it. Have all of the necessary numbers at hand to call the panhellenic adviser or vp recruitment. Because too often, these rude pnms get away with it, and the chapter members feel powerless. The same is true if the chapter members don’t know what happens and assume the pnm got away with it. Self-confidence and pride in the chapter goes down the tank. Don’t just take it. Be the perfect gracious hostess, but once the party is over, report the rude pnm and get her KICKED OUT of recruitment. Someone willing to put down anyone in any chapter is not an asset to the greek community. Most of all, even if a pnm is rude to you, always show confidence in yourself and your sisters, no matter how little you feel it, because that shows so much to the pnms. If they see you get upset when another pnm is rude, well, then they see you get upset! No one wants that image at recruitment. You want to be seen as having fun and loving your chapter no matter who tries to bring you down, and when pnms see that pride in your chapter, they realize you must have a chapter to be proud about.

Sorry for the long post but that’s my 2 cents on the topic.

[carnation]

Pizzalove, that's a great post!

These rude PNMs are reminding me of the one that dzsai told us about near the beginning of the "Weird Rush Stories" thread--I believe that she called her "Rude McStupid". Seems like she wanted the members to rush her while she was lounging on the floor?

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by PizzaLove

The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back.

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

When our sister greeted her and mentioned we'd heard a lot about her from her grandmother, her reply was:

"My grandmother is crazy, and I am not joining this sorority." Our sister burst into tears.

I know the regulations are different between my sorority's recruitment and Panhellenic recruitment and I also know that there is A LOT of pressure on the members to be classy at all times...but... somebody would have had to slap a hand over my mouth and ushered me away post-haste in both of these situations.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know the regulations are different between my sorority's recruitment and Panhellenic recruitment and I also know that there is A LOT of pressure on the members to be classy at all times...but... somebody would have had to slap a hand over my mouth and ushered me away post-haste in both of these situations.

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

Mini hijack, I did not learn this from sorority life but from working in retail. Im sure people who have any sort of job where they deal with people knows you cannot do anything but smile and be nice when people don't treat you like a human being. So many times I've wanted tell a person how I really feel when they are being rude, but you can't without mega consequences. All you can do is hope that person learns, whether it be from a sorority/job/life how to treat others. Ugh.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

Mini hijack, I did not learn this from sorority life but from working in retail. Im sure people who have any sort of job where they deal with people knows you cannot do anything but smile and be nice when people don't treat you like a human being. So many times I've wanted tell a person how I really feel when they are being rude, but you can't without mega consequences. All you can do is hope that person learns, whether it be from a sorority/job/life how to treat others. Ugh.

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

You do when you work where I do in retail, unfortunately. They only thing I can do is hope that when someone treats them like that (if they are younger and have not had a retail/service job) they learn how wrong they were and you never treat people that way. I know I do my best in all situations to treat others how I would like to be treated if I was working their job, and I learned that from being treated like shit at mine.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

You do when you work where I do in retail, unfortunately.

*sideeye*

[YesNoMaybe]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

The worst for our chapter I think was the picture incident that happened to my friend, because it was so in-your-face, but I had a girl that would answer with one word or shrug to almost everything I tried to talk to her about (and they were open ended questions) and after her response would look around the room but not at me. After five awkward minutes of one-way conversation, I said nicely "I'm sorry if I'm perceiving this wrong, but it seems like you are a little bored talking about my chapter. We don't have to talk about it but we do have to talk for the rest of the party" and smiled at her. She was a legacy at a different chapter, and apologized but said she was only interested in that chapter. We ended up having a decent conversation after that, although I found her impolite still for being so closed.

For some reason, I have had multiple PNMs say things like "If a chapter you don't like ranks you really high, it will take a spot of one you do like". They seem to be confused at the mutual selection process, and are convinced that if they are unwillingly back at our chapter, we knocked out their first pick that in reality didn't invite them back.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

I am pretty tolerant in my professional life, but I still let people know where my boundaries are. I have no problem speaking up, but I do it with an understanding that I'm representing my company.

However, when it comes to my sorority work, things are a little different. In the case of a rude interest...which I've never witnessed...while I wouldn't curse at her, she would get a tone and a slicing southernism from me at the very least.

I probably don't have to say anything at all in the first place, because I can't hide my emotions. My cutabish look is pretty apparent.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

I'm in full agreement here. As I've gotten older, I've gotten a better handle on the proportion my reaction should be in relation to the offense. I no longer sit and smile, unless I've been expressly asked to do so. Even then...

[tld221]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

In a different thread, an NPHC sorority member asked why people got so worked up over rudeness. I figured I'd repost my response to that here.

I've never cried/gotten upset over a rude person.

My take on rudeness in recruitment:

If you are really rude enough to act that way toward people you just met, you'll probably be a rude brat once you get a bid and make your NM class and the chapter miserable. Your rudeness is actually helping us to weed you out and saving us your drama. So thanks for being rude!

I hold Sigma in such high esteem that I just feel like a complete brat doesn't deserve her. I'm glad that those who aren't worthy of her show themselves every year with their bratty comments.

/soapbox.

Dear future siggy,

I'd love you to join me in my signature space. I don't know the magenta will work, but maybe something in a blue will work? Let's talk. Thaaaaaanks!

xoxo, tld221

[UGAalum94]

I think part of what makes people cry or get otherwise thrown off their game when this happens during recruitment is that it's so shocking. I think most of us have worked in jobs where the occasional jerk is par for the course; you learn to deal with it; and it's not really that unnerving. But recruitment is typically really different.

A couple of the posters here are UGA people too, and the general rapport of recruitment there is incredibly friendly and kind of gushingly supportive, even with people who you may not be that crazy about and don't expect to see again.

So when you run into one of the tiny number of people who will actually say something intentionally, directly mean, it's a little bit like having cold water thrown on you or getting slapped. You are just stunned. It's probably the shock more than the rudeness that upsets you.

On a different topic, and I may have mentioned this before: I confess that I asked a girl in my rush group when we were both going through what her dad did for a living, but it was because she had lived in a bunch of different places. (Weirdly maybe, I hadn't yet known families who relocated for the mom's career.) My dad was in the army, so I wondered if she was a military brat too. I didn't really think about the implications of the question until I saw her exchange a knowing look with one of her friends. Sometimes, that question is a looking for a marker of social class, and sometimes, you sincerely want to know about the career, I guess.

[KDMafia]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

I think part of what makes people cry or get otherwise thrown off their game when this happens during recruitment is that it's so shocking. I think most of us have worked in jobs where the occasional jerk is par for the course; you learn to deal with it; and it's not really that unnerving. But recruitment is typically really different.

So when you run into one of the tiny number of people who will actually say something intentionally, directly mean, it's a little bit like having cold water thrown on you or getting slapped. You are just stunned. It's probably the shock more than the rudeness that upsets you.

I think it also depends on when the rudeness is as well. During open houses, the rude girls don't really bother as many people because the emotional toll of recruitment hasn't hit and your able to brush it off.

The worst is when they are rude later, due to being cut by a chapter they liked or just still having their heart set on one chapter. The worst I saw was a girl who was a legacy that came to our pref party. She had been very sweet the entire week and then at pref night was so rude and dismissive of the sorority ending with stating she was there to make her mom happy but had no interest in us. The girl who preffed her and really liked her throughout the week and was devastated afterwards. She ended up at another chapter, thankfully.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by tld221

Dear future siggy,

I'd love you to join me in my signature space. I don't know the magenta will work, but maybe something in a blue will work? Let's talk. Thaaaaaanks!

xoxo, tld221

YAY.

[HQWest]

One of the MANY problems with spring recruitment is that we would have some girls show up for recruitment that weren't interested really they were just there because. A classic moment was when at the first party on the first day a girl - presumable for shock value - walks up to my big sis and says "Sororities are just buying your friends" To which sis replied "At 25 cents per friend per month till I graduate and then they are friends for life? Best D**n deal I ever made!"
Needless to say she dropped out...