American Torry-Ann Hansen SENDS BACK Adopted Russian Son Artem

[PiKA2001]

This thread makes me think of the movie Orphan. I'm sorry, but I don't blame her for sending him on his way if he was a little Jeffrey Dahmer in the making.

[carnation]

Thought-provoking article on wrongful adoption:

http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet...boy/index.html

[33girl]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

Wow. Really? are you serious? There's so much that woman could have done. She just didn't care enough to do it because she felt that she had done her duty simply by adopting the child. smh

Did you not read my last paragraph? Yes, the mom should have tried to do this. But there are MANY things MANY moms should do for MANY children (bio and adopted) that they do not do. You can either wallow in it the rest of your life or do something as an adult to try and correct it. Has your student ever made any effort on her own to try and learn about her heritage? If not, I am wagering it bothers you more than it bothers her.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

What did she think she was going to get when she adopted a 7 year old orphan from Russia?! There was a 0% chance this kid was going to be a normal, well adjusted child. Hell, there is a 0% chance a 7 year old orphan in the US is a normal, well adjusted child. Whether they told her he was normal or not, she is either stupid or Pollyanna to think he wouldn't be a holy terror!

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

While I'm sure they exist, my black family doesn't personally know any black families adopting either. Do you have any personal experiences you could share as to help clarify?

Until you mentioned it, I didn't realize how many adoptions there were in my family.

Aunt A: adopted 1 girl
Aunt B: adopted 1 girl
Aunt/Uncle: adopted a boy

There are different methods of adoptions than just going through agencies, though. Aunt A took legal guardianship of a friend's daughter in addition to the one she adopted. One of my cousins just took guardianship of a friend's 17-year-old son. I don't see a lot of black families (excluding my own) going to agencies for children but rather taking in friends' or relatives' children so they don't end up in the system. I'm know this happens frequently in all cultures, but I can only speak for my own when I say maybe there's a higher rate/increase in these types of adoptions (thus partially explaining the low number of black families in the agency pool)?

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Until you mentioned it, I didn't realize how many adoptions there were in my family.

Aunt A: adopted 1 girl
Aunt B: adopted 1 girl
Aunt/Uncle: adopted a boy

There are different methods of adoptions than just going through agencies, though. Aunt A took legal guardianship of a friend's daughter in addition to the one she adopted. One of my cousins just took guardianship of a friend's 17-year-old son. I don't see a lot of black families (excluding my own) going to agencies for children but rather taking in friends' or relatives' children so they don't end up in the system. I'm know this happens frequently in all cultures, but I can only speak for my own when I say maybe there's a higher rate/increase in these types of adoptions (thus partially explaining the low number of black families in the agency pool)?

I'm more familiar with this. Adopting kids to keep them out of the system has always been well-known within the community. On one local news station, I swear every story manages to mention who is whose child in the house where an incident occurs without fail.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

The thing is people seem to forget that there are many Black families out there that wish to adopt.

And also, while agencies will often let white couples adopt Black children, it is rare that they allow Black families to adopt White children.
I personally don't much care for white couples adopting Black children because I do feel that there are culture issues. But I feel that way in general. Prime example was one of my former students who was Navajo. She was adopted by a white woman when she was 3. She is now 19 and she knows absolutely NOTHING about Navajo traditions and culture. NOTHING. It broke my heart to see that because I felt that while she got a good home, she was still being robbed of the opportunity to explore her heritage. Her mother's excuse was that she didn't know anything about the Navajo culture and so she figured that the child would just be okay without knowing it.

Since we don't have numbers, we are using words to quantify this. There aren't "many." There are "some" and this translates to a "relative few" when discussing the overall topic of adoption across race.

Adoption has never been widely accepted within the Black American culture. It still holds a stigma in the general Black community. Many of us always knew adopted kids (including children who were adopted from a family member) whose families kept it a secret.

There's more that I can say about that, but I'll just say that there are a number of reasons why white families are adopting Black children. If people recall the outrage over the increase in the adoption of Black kids by white families in the 90s, whites responded with "well, why don't more Black families adopt these Black kids then? Don't be mad because WE want to adopt them if YOU don't want to/can't adopt them/aren't adopting them/whatever."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

I'm more familiar with this. Adopting kids to keep them out of the system has always been well-known within the community.

Exactly. One of my friends adopted her god-daughter, another friend's mother adopted a first cousin when they were toddlers, and my acquaintance adopted her teenage nephew (with his badass).

All neglected kids who needed reliable parents who are good role models. Black folks don't see this as the same kind of adoption as adopting a stranger's kid.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I think it's great. It probably keeps countless children out of the system. It's sad that there are so many more. They have a weekly feature on a local news station (not the aforementioned one). It's called Forever Family, the kids are almost always non-mixed black children with siblings or a developmental issue. They interview the child and they get a chance to talk about what they want to do with their lives and who they are as a person and how badly they want a family. The news reporter always says what type of home they would ideally like to place the children in as well. It breaks my heart and I never hear any follow up as to whether they have found a home (although I am not sure if they are allowed to say).

[christiangirl]

I have a sponsor child in Honduras. Everytime I get a letter or card from him (and for weeks afterward), I wish I were in a place in life where I could take him out of that orphanage and adopt him. I don't care about the cultural differences, he is such a beautiful little boy and so smart and sweet. If he wanted to come, I'd take him.

I've always wanted to adopt an older child and I know that the child I get may very well have developmental or mental issues. The child I give birth to may have those issues, though. I certainly wouldn't send him back like he's a piece of defective merchandise. There are better ways to handle that, period.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Since we don't have numbers, we are using words to quantify this. There aren't "many." There are "some" and this translates to a "relative few" when discussing the overall topic of adoption across race.

Adoption has never been widely accepted within the Black American culture. It still holds a stigma in the general Black community. Many of us always knew adopted kids (including children who were adopted from a family member) whose families kept it a secret.

There's more that I can say about that, but I'll just say that there are a number of reasons why white families are adopting Black children. If people recall the outrage over the increase in the adoption of Black kids by white families in the 90s, whites responded with "well, why don't more Black families adopt these Black kids then? Don't be mad because WE want to adopt them if YOU don't want to/can't adopt them/aren't adopting them/whatever."

I guess it all depends on maybe where you live because I haven't seen evidence in my general area that suggests a stigma in the Black community about formal adoptions. I see more "silence" and "secrecy" when someone takes in a child because the mother and/or father can no longer take care of the child. But I could definitely see it perhaps being that way in other areas. Around here, Black families who are trying to formally adopt are given "props" and commended for it. I hate to hear that it isn't the same elsewhere.

But to get back to your first statement, I say many because of the numbers of Black families that come to our clinic seeking advice about formal adoptions. And to add to that the numbers that I hear from two friends I know who are social workers in different states.

And as far as the outrage in the 90's, I didn't hear about that. That sounds interesting. I'm going to find out more info about that.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

I don't. What happened?

And thanks everyone for your insightful posts. I find the story to be disturbing on so many levels.

Basically, the Communist dictator (Ceausescu) ordered kids in orphanages to undergo regular blood transfusions so they would look "healthier," and thus more attractive to potential adoptive parents. Basically, they didn't look healthy because they were malnourished, not held, and all of the other important things you need to do to take care of a small child. It's not surprising, then, that their medical records were doctored so the Americans, who came in to adopt in droves after Ceausescu was executed, would have no problems adopting a cute white baby whose parents were MIA.

When the kids just couldn't shake colds and always seemed sick, the confused parents took kids to the doctor, where they were diagnosed with AIDS. The kids who were adopted by Americans were lucky in that they had access to better medical care.

I vividly remember the "black backlash" about White parents adopting Black babies, and I ignored it back then too. People who complain about a problem without offering a solution suck. I know of a handful of black families who have adopted; most often it tends to be within the family or the community, or even within a church.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

I think what's bugging me is your narrow definition of the word "normal." If I told you I've been going to a psychiatrist, would that make me abnormal?

There's a difference between pathological problems and problems that can be solved. To lump them all together isn't accurate or fair.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I vividly remember the "black backlash" about White parents adopting Black babies, and I ignored it back then too. People who complain about a problem without offering a solution suck. I know of a handful of black families who have adopted; most often it tends to be within the family or the community, or even within a church.

Yep.

deepimpact, when I type about Blacks and the Black community, I am speaking generally. It doesn't matter what's going on at the individual-level in terms of some people's jobs, some people's neighborhoods, and among some people's friends and families. These are the exceptions. The "rule" is that adoption is more uncommon (and tends to hold a stigma) among Blacks and that is definitely correlated with the higher fertility rate and disproportionate poverty of Blacks.

There are Black adoption agencies and Homes for Black Children has a 2005 article online (I doubt much has changed since 2005) where they think they are disspelling myths about Blacks and adoption. I won't get into the other stuff, but:


"Reality: African American families are willing and able to adopt
At the time Homes for Black Children was formed, the prevailing belief in child welfare was that African American families were poor and already had as many or more children than they could afford. For some, that belief remains. We, however, knew that there were black families who were financially, emotionally, and spiritually capable of adopting. We knew about families who postponed having children to build a solid economic foundation for their lives, and then found they could not give birth.
In our first six months of operation, more than 700 families from across the U.S. called or wrote to us about adopting. In our first year, with a staff of six, Homes for Black Children placed 135 African American children in adoptive homes—more than the other 13 metro Detroit child welfare agencies combined."
Source: http://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/blackadoptionmyths.html

Sure, this may be true, but that doesn't translate to "many" Black families in comparison to the total pool of Black families. It also doesn't mean that adoption is a common (non-stigmatized and non-secretive) practice in the larger Black community. Moreover, having 700 families inquire about adoption (for whatever reasons) doesn't mean that the majority of those families would make it past the first two rounds of screening (hopefully, there is rigorous screening) and be found suitable.

This doesn't mean that the majority of white inquirers are suitable, but the pool and probability are larger due to the larger population size of whites (white families) as compared to Blacks.