Asking daddy's permission before proposing

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

I guess it depends on the individual couple's circumstances. This couple grew up in the town they got married in, and had large families in that town, but didn't date until a few years after college and graduate school (in different areas of the country). They made a good faith effort to cut down the guest list, but it still ended up being a lot of people. If you and your husband invite your parents' siblings, your 1st cousins, best friends from high school, college, grad school, and work, that can be a ton of people right there. There weren't a lot of crazy far relations or acquaintances at that wedding. They basically had large families.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I guess it depends on the individual couple's circumstances. This couple grew up in the town they got married in, and had large families in that town, but didn't date until a few years after college and graduate school (in different areas of the country). They made a good faith effort to cut down the guest list, but it still ended up being a lot of people. If you and your husband invite your parents' siblings, your 1st cousins, best friends from high school, college, grad school, and work, that can be a ton of people right there. There weren't a lot of crazy far relations or acquaintances at that wedding. They basically had large families.

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

[bluefish81]

I pretty much consider myself a feminist but I'd probably still like to have the guy I marry ask my parents for their blessing. That said, I'm sure they'll be okay with whoever I choose.

And as far as large weddings go, I didn't know what a small wedding was until my college friends started getting married. The weddings I went to as a kid were typically 250 - 400 people. I have no problems with large weddings, they can be a ton of fun, but it's probably because it's normal for me.
I really enjoy going to weddings that are only around 75 people - which makes up my family alone (parents, sister+family, aunts, uncles, first cousins) - so if I wanted a wedding that small, I'd need to do a destination wedding somewhere. Or do a small wedding with a larger reception.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

Agreed on all counts. I think you have to look at the circumstances of the wedding before you can say that a big or small wedding is a bad idea. It's very possible to have a 200-300 person wedding (or more) and know everyone, because of large families, lots of close high school/college/grad school friends, work friends, etc.

I've definitely been to 200+ person weddings where everyone had a close tie with either the bride or groom.

ETA: I think it's just inherent in wedding stuff (not necessarily in this thread) that people are quick to criticize, without thinking about whether the type of wedding or proposal was right for the particular people getting married.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

I wasn't "slamming" big weddings; I hope my response didn't indicate that. I even said that for this wedding, they didn't invite every Tom, Dick, or Harry.

I will concede that they tried to do "too much," which wouldn't have worked if there had been 50 people or 500 people there. The bride was quite open about the fact that her mother was footing the bill for everything and the budget was unlimited. It just stood out in contrast to the smaller, more intimate weddings I had been to a few months earlier where they really thought about what they were doing and why, instead of just throwing money at an event.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I wasn't "slamming" big weddings; I hope my response didn't indicate that. I even said that for this wedding, they didn't invite every Tom, Dick, or Harry.

I will concede that they tried to do "too much," which wouldn't have worked if there had been 50 people or 500 people there. The bride was quite open about the fact that her mother was footing the bill for everything and the budget was unlimited. It just stood out in contrast to the smaller, more intimate weddings I had been to a few months earlier where they really thought about what they were doing and why, instead of just throwing money at an event.

I didn't mean you, love. Was actually agreeing with you that it depends on the couple's circumstances.

And on the original topic, it never would have occurred to me or my husband that he should talk to my parents beforehand. Just not my thing at all.

[LadySunshine]

I love the discussion here and some of the stories have been very touching. Though I would want my fiance to ask my parent's or spiritual guardian (if my parents were unavailable) for permission to marry me I completely understand and respect where someone else may be turned off by that gesture.
One interesting thing I saw repeated a lot was that people would feel strange if others knew about a proposal before they did. How much discussion do people have about an upcoming proposal before the guy proposes? Are people completely shocked because it was never discussed? Do some have an ideal but never really have a concrete conversation or do others fully expect it and have had a conversation beforehand and are just waiting for the actually proposal? I would love to hear the experiences and thoughts around how much a proposal is discussed and known beforehand.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by LadySunshine

I love the discussion here and some of the stories have been very touching. Though I would want my fiance to ask my parent's or spiritual guardian (if my parents were unavailable) for permission to marry me I completely understand and respect where someone else may be turned off by that gesture.
One interesting thing I saw repeated a lot was that people would feel strange if others knew about a proposal before they did. How much discussion do people have about an upcoming proposal before the guy proposes? Are people completely shocked because it was never discussed? Do some have an ideal but never really have a concrete conversation or do others fully expect it and have had a conversation beforehand and are just waiting for the actually proposal? I would love to hear the experiences and thoughts around how much a proposal is discussed and known beforehand.

I was wondering the same thing. I think my husband and I talked about it several times before we actually got engaged which was several months before I actually got a ring (which I picked out myself.) I'm not a romantic so having my husband "surprise" me with a ring I might not like just isn't me. My husband's romantic engagement gesture was to take me to Disney World as a Christmas present then ask me to marry him officially on that trip. Was it a surprise? Obviously not. We knew almost immediately once we'd started dating that we had something special and could see ourselves getting married, so we never played ANY of those dating games.

[WVU alpha phi]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we aren't engaged but have talked about it. Most of the talk is about an ideal timeline for me, ie I'd like to be dating 2 years before an engagement, be engaged for a year, etc. Several of my friends have gone ring shopping with their boyfriends. One of my sisters got engaged yesterday, they went ring shopping 3 months ago. My best friend went ring shopping with her boyfriend about a month ago and still has no idea when he'll propose- he told me he doesn't have a ring but I think he's lying to throw me off (his roommate let it slip to my friend when he was drunk that her boyfriend had a ring).