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Just to reiterate, getting your second choice chapter has NOTHING to do with how highly the second choice chapter ranked you. In fact, you may have been toward the bottom of their bid list as well. (Not to make you feel bad, just reality).
If quota is 15, and 30 women attended Chapter X's two pref parties, all 30 women appear SOMEWHERE on Chapter X's bid list. The 15 most highly ranked pnms are listed alphabetically on their first list. Numbers 15-30 are ranked in order of preference on a second bid list. In being invited to a pref party, the sorority is stating that they see you as a potential sister, and are willing to offer you a bid. Whether that bid is actually forthcoming is determined by where you fall on that list and how quickly that chapter reaches quota in the bid matching process. Sororities use private and ritual methods of selection that determine who is invited to parties and where you fall on that final bid list.
Panhellenic (either through hand matching, as was the case when I was in school, or via computer programs) attempts to match you up with your first choice house. If you list Chapter X as first choice, and you are on Chapter X's list of their first 15---Hurrah! Game over. You are a match.
If you are not on Chapter X's first bid list, your card is set aside (either by hand or in cyber space) in the hopes that as other women on Chapter X's first list are matched with Chapters Y, Z and Q, and their names are crossed off, your name will move onto Chapter X's first list. If it does, Bingo, it's a match and you will receive a bid.
However, if Chapter X reaches quota before that happens, then the matching process turns to your second choice house, Chapter Y. By signing that bid card, you have indicated that you are willing to receive a bid from either X or Y. If you are on Y's first bid list, it's a match. If you are not on their first bid list, your card is set aside once more in the hopes that as matching continues, a slot opens up in Chapter Y's first list.
A second choice chapter "wanting you more" than a first choice chapter has absolutely no influence on Bid Matching, since every attempt is made to match you with your first choice, and moves to second choice only when your first choice chapter has met quota.
I am sorry you didn't get your first choice, but it is something that happens fairly often. It is not the end of the world, although it can sometimes seem like it at the time. Have a good cry, then get acquainted with the sisters in the chapter where you landed. Although you can't help but think about "what if", it's not really productive and it gets in the way of bonding with what is probably an amazing group of women who have a lot to offer you.
I know there are a lot of other alum advisors on the board who can explain the process a lot better than I can, but I think these myths about bid matching are damaging to the system as a whole and don't do the PNMs any good. Best of luck to you as you sort all this out.
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