Not Keen on Having Kids support thread

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I find that these things are generally more "anti-people who don't want kids" and not the other way around. The people who don't want kids could usually not care less that others choose to have children, but for some reason, it doesn't work the opposite way around.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This.

Alot of people assume that just because you get annoyed with kids behaving inappropriately in public or being present in places where they shouldn't be, that you "hate kids."

Not true. I actually like kids. I just don't like (for example) kids kicking my seat at the R rated movie that I paid to see (that they technically shouldn't even be watching).

Eh...I've seen it both ways. Believe me, I come from a big Italian family, and my wife and I don't have kids, so we've definitely heard the "OMG what's wrong with you?" This is especially since some of my cousins started having kids in their teens.

But, I think you get some level of it working the other way.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24

Well I would agree with that. I am having a Lia Sophia party at my house tomorrow evening. My invitation stated "No children please" because my house is not baby/toddler/small child proof. I have sharp corners and crystal. Not to mention these kinds of parties are really for adults. Actually I've had to put that on every party invitation in the past two years. If I dont, someone inevitably brings their kids whether it's something like Pampered Chef or casino/Las Vegas themed party.

Back when I was selling The Body Shop at Home I had an open house party and two people brought their kids. They were bored obviously, so they got into trouble. The toddler bumped his head on a sharp corner and tried to get into my cabinet under the sink. Then I got yelled at for having sharp corners and not having a safety tie on the cabinet doors---I was like ummm my kids are 10, 11, and 15 sharp corners close to the ground and getting into cabinets arent a problem for them nor do I take them to parties with me where they could get in trouble. She wasnt happy but I didnt really care. Just because you have kids doenst mean everyone else needs to bend over backwards to accomodate you.

I hear ya....I tell people the same. I yelled at my SIL last christmas because she allowed my nephew to climb up the stairs while she was busy stuffing her face and he fell DOWN those stairs and she tried to tell me I needed to block my stairs...no you need to WATCH YOUR KID.

Funny thing was he must have learned his lesson. I had he and his big brother this weekend and everytime he looked at those stairs he did no try to climb them.

[deepimpact2]

Yay! I love how the thread is moving along.

DS, to answer your question, those things that you listed have never factored into my decision not to have kids. Mine was strictly about how having kids would affect MY life. I want o travel without having to worry about kids. I want to be able to work on building my law practice without worrying about how pregnancy and child-rearing will affect that. I want to be able to continue feeding my purse and shoe fetish without feeling like I need to be spending on my kid.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

^^^

Also, while I tend to view pregnancy as an alien lifeform taking over my body and children as inherently selfish creatures taking over my life, my view on these things have changed from how I felt in my 20s. Back then, I was 100% against having MY OWN kids.

It is similar to marriage to me. Some people think about marriage and/or kids all of their lives whereas the rest of us are BLAH about it until the timing is right FOR US and we find the one we'd like to make that commitment and blessing with.

I just wanted to share. To each their own. Vent on, venters.

I love this post. Funny thing is, the first part of it reminds me of a character from an Alice Walker novel. Can't remember the name of the book, but the main character said something similar when she learned she was pregnant.

Corinne Maier wrote a book listing the 40 reasons now to have children. One reason was that children are vicous dwarfs. lol Here is the link to the article about it below:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/...article784948/

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I find that these things are generally more "anti-people who don't want kids" and not the other way around. The people who don't want kids could usually not care less that others choose to have children, but for some reason, it doesn't work the opposite way around.

I totally agree with this.

In response to some concerns, I definitely don't want this thread to turn into a bashing of those who want or have kids.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

Yay! I love how the thread is moving along.

DS, to answer your question, those things that you listed have never factored into my decision not to have kids. Mine was strictly about how having kids would affect MY life. I want o travel without having to worry about kids. I want to be able to work on building my law practice without worrying about how pregnancy and child-rearing will affect that. I want to be able to continue feeding my purse and shoe fetish without feeling like I need to be spending on my kid.

selfish.....LOL

[AOII Angel]

I don't really care about the happenings in the world as a reason not to have kids, either. I'm not really a worrier...there have ALWAYS been reasons not to have children! I like the fact that I can travel EVERY weekend. I can buy whatever I want and not have to worry that my kid doesn't have what he/she needs. I don't have to worry that I don't have enough patience (I don't have patience...I just don't.) I can enjoy my husband and my marriage...I see so many marriages after children turn into disasters. I think many people give up on that relationship and just focus on the kids...it's so sad! I love my career. I love my life. I don't want to have to change the life I have for a child, and I certainly don't want to have a child and put it second to my lifestyle. Therefore...I don't have children!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

I don't think so, at least not for me. I may not want to have kids NOW because I'm not ready to guide a child through that type of minefield, but I'm confident that when I do choose to have children live-in and I both will be ready for that. I guess it's just part of parenting. Plus, as much as "the world has changed" I really don't think that my parents or my parents' parents didn't have similar concerns when they were planning their families.

What I don't need is nosey nosepieces asking when I'm going to start my family. Live-in and I aren't even married yet. Many people don't think marriage is important, and that's fine for them, but I'd like to keep our alone time pre-marriage baby free.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

selfish.....LOL

LMAO This is the response I tend to hear when I say that.

I once snapped and told someone that they were selfish for only trying to have their own biological kids and not adopt. Of course they told me that was absurd, and I told them it was no more absurd than telling someone they were selfish for not wanting kids.


On a side note, there's a book out called "We Need to Talk About Kevin." The main character is a mother whose son went on a killing spree at school, and the book consists of letters she wrote to her husband explaining how she really didn't want kids and how one of her worst fears about having kids came true.

[LatinaAlumna]

If someone knows they do not want kids and makes a decision not to have them, I applaud that! There are too many kids running around out there with parents who really didn't want to be parents, but felt it was "the thing to do."

[SWTXBelle]

I don't understand why anyone would want to CONVINCE someone who didn't want children to have them - parenting is tough enough when it is something you want to do. As I look at the headlines (in the past few months 3 children under CPS (Child Protection Services) DIED horrible, brutal, deaths here in the Houston area), I can only wish those parents hadn't decided to have/keep children. If you don't want children, more power to you. I'll support your choice not to have children if you won't accuse me of overpopulating the world with my 4 healthy, intelligent, loved children.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

Not that you knew of...

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I don't understand why anyone would want to CONVINCE someone who didn't want children to have them - parenting is tough enough when it is something you want to do. As I look at the headlines (in the past few months 3 children under CPS (Child Protection Services) DIED horrible, brutal, deaths here in the Houston area), I can only wish those parents hadn't decided to have/keep children. If you don't want children, more power to you. I'll support your choice not to have children if you won't accuse me of overpopulating the world with my 4 healthy, intelligent, loved children.

God...I hope I wouldn't beat a child of mine, but you never know...I really have no patience! Really, though, I think deciding to be a parent should be more than a "well everyone else is doing it" thought process. I'm glad someone else wants to take the fall for us selfish lifestylers and keep the world overpopulated!