How important is family background to you?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

some members of his family were in jail, or on drugs

This matters to me but not because I will judge him. I will judge his family and those family members won't be coming around our household.

If someone is not taking charge of their life and/or in trouble all the time, I refuse to allow them to add drama to my life. That includes constantly having a problem to talk about or asking to borrow money. I feel no shame in telling anyone "no."

[AGDee]

Considering the fact that my marriage didn't make it because of his dysfunctional family's issues and his unwillingness to work on how it affected him in counseling, I would take a good hard look at this in the future.

[christiangirl]

Well, I'll give it a whirl. Values are important to me and those must be similar. Our faiths must be similar, but not exactly mirror image. Labels aren't super important to me, as long as Jesus is in the mix as the Savior (not just random John Doe who like to do stuff for people) then I'm good. If you believe that, then I don't really care what you call yourself. I think someone from the same social class would be best, but there are good men in all classes. I wouldn't necessarily judge him on his family (no one would touch me with a 10-foot pole if they judged me on mine!) but it's important to see where a person comes from. Once we become adults, it doesn't affect us so much anymore, but the environment a person grew up in will always tell a lot about them. Values (like education, saving money) would have to be in line because we can't possibly raise our children as a team if we're polar opposites on what's really important in life. Also, whoever I marry has to have a rich sense of culture. I'm not super particular on race, but he's got to have a sense of where he comes from. I can't be one of those families whose kids say, "Where did our family come from?" and my husband says, "Well, honey, you know I was born in Texas."

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Well, I'll give it a whirl. Values are important to me and those must be similar. Our faiths must be similar, but not exactly mirror image. Labels aren't super important to me, as long as Jesus is in the mix as the Savior (not just random John Doe who like to do stuff for people) then I'm good. If you believe that, then I don't really care what you call yourself. I think someone from the same social class would be best, but there are good men in all classes. I wouldn't necessarily judge him on his family (no one would touch me with a 10-foot pole if they judged me on mine!) but it's important to see where a person comes from. Once we become adults, it doesn't affect us so much anymore, but the environment a person grew up in will always tell a lot about them. Values (like education, saving money) would have to be in line because we can't possibly raise our children as a team if we're polar opposites on what's really important in life. Also, whoever I marry has to have a rich sense of culture. I'm not super particular on race, but he's got to have a sense of where he comes from. I can't be one of those families whose kids say, "Where did our family come from?" and my husband says, "Well, honey, you know I was born in Texas."

This is the best post here. I agree 110%.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Also, whoever I marry has to have a rich sense of culture. I'm not super particular on race, but he's got to have a sense of where he comes from. I can't be one of those families whose kids say, "Where did our family come from?" and my husband says, "Well, honey, you know I was born in Texas."

You might wish to change your example - Being from Texas is a big part of a Texian's sense of where he (or she!) comes from, and we most certainly have a distinct culture!

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

(I used to think Catholics prayed to the Virgin Mary. )

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I always thought they did to. The whole "Hail Mary full of grace mother of God" thing.

They do pray to the Virgin Mary, just as they pray to Saints. But, it's not because the Virgin Mary or the Saints are equivalent to the Godhead. It's a request for intercession and a sign of reverence. It's similar to asking a pastor or a congregation to pray for you.

Anyway, my faith is more important to me than anything. I don't care about intellectual assent to Christianity (i.e. "Do you believe in Jesus?" "Yes" "Ok, then, you're good to go"). I'm concerned with the way a man lives his life.

Does he invite me to pray with him? Is he generous in the ways that can hurt (e.g. financially)? Is he respectful and warm to all people, including the folks that usually get stepped on (e.g. cleaning staff)? Does he tithe consistenly with no complaints? Does he always do what's best for me? Does he seek God's will above his own desires?

Education is important to me but only if it is in line with the path that God intends for my man. I'm not impressed with and I do not need to see a diploma hanging on the wall. I can see where a man is with God by looking at his life. And, I can deal with family issues if I know a man is praying for them. I wouldn't mind entering a dysfunctional family as long as my man is prayed up.

But, I'm married to the man I described (outside of the dysfunctional family), so I guess it doesn't matter any more.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

They do pray to the Virgin Mary, just as they pray to Saints. But, it's not because the Virgin Mary or the Saints are equivalent to the Godhead. It's a request for intercession and a sign of reverence. It's similar to asking a pastor or a congregation to pray for you.

I know. Also similar to the "St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle" prayer that Catholics and nonCatholics say. St. Michael is obviously not Jesus.

(I'm a Christian who doesn't do prayer requests with my pastor and congregation. I leave that practice for other Christians.)

[XSK_Diamond]

No it's not.

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

They do pray to the Virgin Mary, just as they pray to Saints. But, it's not because the Virgin Mary or the Saints are equivalent to the Godhead. It's a request for intercession and a sign of reverence. It's similar to asking a pastor or a congregation to pray for you.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

You might wish to change your example - Being from Texas is a big part of a Texian's sense of where he (or she!) comes from, and we most certainly have a distinct culture!

Oh stop it, you know what I meant. Okay, Montana then. But if Hannah runs in raving about how Montana is part of her idenitity, then I quit.

[SuperblySigma]

I'm actually on my first practicing Catholic boyfriend, but as a practicing Catholic myself, I've found that it's WAY more important to me than I ever thought it would be. It's nice that when we go to Mass together, we both know what's going on, and it's nice that his morals stem from the same place as mine. I swear to God, I never thought it would be this important to me--I never even thought of it as important until I had it. But, you know, I was never really willing to convert or anything, and I am expected to (and want to) raise my children Catholic when I have them. It's not even a question for me, but it might be for someone who wasn't raised Catholic or who wasn't particularly religious.

I also value him having a good relationship with his family. My ex wouldn't call his parents--or even answer their calls... he was a bad life choice! I also won't ever date anyone without a huge family again. I mean, I only have one brother, but I have on the order of two dozen cousins and step-cousins (not even counting the family friends that are close enough to be called uncle/auntie/cousin.) I've found that if a dude doesn't grow up in that environment, he's not gonna know what to do with my family.

I prefer a pretty similar socio-economic class and similar money values. The aforementioned ex's daddy had like 30k in credit card debt (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and NEVER again will I date someone who's been raised like that... cause on the COMPLETE other side of the fence is my daddy, who is probably the most frugal man on the planet. (I think the happy medium is to recognize nice things, and go for it when it's appropriate--e.g., buy the NICE suit on sale for what the cheap one would have been full price and always stay within your means--but don't overvalue them or put yourself in debt to get them.)

One thing I always thought would be important was region! I thought I'd only be happy dating guys from where my family is from (the South) or where I grew up (the West Coast). But now I'm dating this hardcore New Englander, and I even like the Red Sox gear he bought me. I was totally wrong--isn't that funny? Like, I swore up and down that I hated Boston accents, and now I think they're super cute. :P

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by SuperblySigma

I'm actually on my first practicing Catholic boyfriend, but as a practicing Catholic myself, I've found that it's WAY more important to me than I ever thought it would be. It's nice that when we go to Mass together, we both know what's going on, and it's nice that his morals stem from the same place as mine. I swear to God, I never thought it would be this important to me--I never even thought of it as important until I had it. But, you know, I was never really willing to convert or anything, and I am expected to (and want to) raise my children Catholic when I have them. It's not even a question for me, but it might be for someone who wasn't raised Catholic or who wasn't particularly religious.

I also value him having a good relationship with his family. My ex wouldn't call his parents--or even answer their calls... he was a bad life choice! I also won't ever date anyone without a huge family again. I mean, I only have one brother, but I have on the order of two dozen cousins and step-cousins (not even counting the family friends that are close enough to be called uncle/auntie/cousin.) I've found that if a dude doesn't grow up in that environment, he's not gonna know what to do with my family.

I prefer a pretty similar socio-economic class and similar money values. The aforementioned ex's daddy had like 30k in credit card debt (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and NEVER again will I date someone who's been raised like that... cause on the COMPLETE other side of the fence is my daddy, who is probably the most frugal man on the planet. (I think the happy medium is to recognize nice things, and go for it when it's appropriate--e.g., buy the NICE suit on sale for what the cheap one would have been full price and always stay within your means--but don't overvalue them or put yourself in debt to get them.)

One thing I always thought would be important was region! I thought I'd only be happy dating guys from where my family is from (the South) or where I grew up (the West Coast). But now I'm dating this hardcore New Englander, and I even like the Red Sox gear he bought me. I was totally wrong--isn't that funny? Like, I swore up and down that I hated Boston accents, and now I think they're super cute. :P

Let us know when you have the ring and your wedding date...

I am so happy for you to have found the man of your dreams--maybe the one God meant for you... Who knows?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

He wouldn't have been in my life.

Well, I was thinking more on the lines of him already being involved in your life. Like, if you were already married to him. For example, let's say you met him and he passed your screening and you two hit it off well. The only thing was he had some bad family members that you already knew about. He wasn't anything like them, but he was still apart of that family. What if someone from his family wanted to borrow a large sum of money, and he says yes and you say no. How would you handle that one? I mean, would you be with him if he came from a really bad family? Is that what you mean when you say he wouldn't have been in your life?

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

They do pray to the Virgin Mary, just as they pray to Saints. But, it's not because the Virgin Mary or the Saints are equivalent to the Godhead. It's a request for intercession and a sign of reverence. It's similar to asking a pastor or a congregation to pray for you

That's what I thought.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Right?

lol

Uhmm...I guess.