Thank You Notes

[TSteven]

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

May we go back to this for a moment.

I was under the impression - perhaps wrongly, which is why I am asking - that you were only "obligated" to give one present to the couple (bride). You could elect to do so at a shower, prior to the wedding (say via a bridal registry for example), present the gift at the service or at the reception, or perhaps right after the wedding.

Is the concept of giving multiply gifts based on attendance or by invitation?

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Frankly, it seems rather crass and greedy to expect two separate gifts for the same reason - matrimony.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TSteven

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Typically I will ask the bride if it's okay for me to just bring both gifts to the wedding if I cannot attend the shower. I've never had anyone tell me not to.

Now if I can't attend the wedding, I will usually mail the wedding gift to the receiving address.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by TSteven

May we go back to this for a moment.

I was under the impression - perhaps wrongly, which is why I am asking - that you were only "obligated" to give one present to the couple (bride). You could elect to do so at a shower, prior to the wedding (say via a bridal registry for example), present the gift at the service or at the reception, or perhaps right after the wedding.

Is the concept of giving multiply gifts based on attendance or by invitation?

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Frankly, it seems rather crass and greedy to expect two separate gifts for the same reason - matrimony.

That's the way I was raised/have always operated. If you get invited, you send or bring a gift. My mid-20s to early-30s was hella expensive!!

Oh, but then they get you with the baby years too -- gift for baby shower, gift when baby arrives... (at least for close friends, acquaintances get just one or the other).

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Typically I will ask the bride if it's okay for me to just bring both gifts to the wedding if I cannot attend the shower. I've never had anyone tell me not to.

Now if I can't attend the wedding, I will usually mail the wedding gift to the receiving address.

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

That's the way I was raised/have always operated. If you get invited, you send or bring a gift. My mid-20s to early-30s was hella expensive!!

Oh, but then they get you with the baby years too -- gift for baby shower, gift when baby arrives... (at least for close friends, acquaintances get just one or the other).

Wow. I never heard of giving more than one gift. Then again, I have only attended a few work related bridal showers (kind of mandatory). However; in college, a good friend from my hometown was getting married that summer and some of our mutual friends were unable to attend her wedding. So I hosted what I thought was simply a "Stock the Bar" party. I was later informed that I was actually hosting a co-ed bridal shower and as such, had to follow certain bridal shower protocol. Such as when the bride opens her gifts, I had to write down what she said. And this represented what she was supposed to say on her wedding night. I have never blushed so much in my life. Nor have I seem so many guys hit the "punch" more than at that party.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Wow. I never heard of giving more than one gift. Then again, I have only attended a few work related bridal showers (kind of mandatory). However; in college, a good friend from my hometown was getting married that summer and some of our mutual friends were unable to attend her wedding. So I hosted what I thought was simply a "Stock the Bar" party. I was later informed that I was actually hosting a co-ed bridal shower and as such, had to follow certain bridal shower protocol. Such as when the bride opens her gifts, I had to write down what she said. And this represented what she was supposed to say on her wedding night. I have never blushed so much in my life. Nor have I seem so many guys hit the "punch" more than at that party.

LOLOLOL. Wow, you got hosed with the writing-down-the-gifts duty! That's usually the fun detail for the MOH or a bridesmaid to take care of.

And yeah, usually guys get it much easier on the gift front. I don't think gifts are expected at bachelor parties, right? You just buy drinks all night, maybe pay for dinner if that's involved, split the cost of, ahem, the "entertainment" for the evening.... Then just buy one gift for the wedding. Girls get sucked into multiple gifts because shower = gift, wedding = gift, and I've been in bridal parties where the bridal party goes in together on yet ANOTHER gift (plus the bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair, etc etc etc). It is NOT cheap being people's friends when they get married!!!!

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

LOLOLOL. Wow, you got hosed with the writing-down-the-gifts duty! That's usually the fun detail for the MOH or a bridesmaid to take care of.

And yeah, usually guys get it much easier on the gift front. I don't think gifts are expected at bachelor parties, right? You just buy drinks all night, maybe pay for dinner if that's involved, split the cost of, ahem, the "entertainment" for the evening.... Then just buy one gift for the wedding. Girls get sucked into multiple gifts because shower = gift, wedding = gift, and I've been in bridal parties where the bridal party goes in together on yet ANOTHER gift (plus the bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair, etc etc etc). It is NOT cheap being people's friends when they get married!!!!

What is a MOH? As I recall, there was only one bridesmaid at the party. Her college bridesmaids were from her chapter and they (the chapter) had already thrown her a shower. I think that is why I got stuck with secretary duty.

I don't think I have ever been to a bachelor party where "real" gifts were involved. A few times, gag gifts were given. But yeah, normally there is a gift the bride (and/or the couple, he might like that avocado green blender) and then going in on the bachelor party (or night out) and whatever that might, *cough, cough*, entail.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by TSteven

What is a MOH?

Maid (Matron) of Honor

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Maid (Matron) of Honor

Whew. I was afraid it might mean "Mother of the Ho".

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Wow. I never heard of giving more than one gift. Then again, I have only attended a few work related bridal showers (kind of mandatory). However; in college, a good friend from my hometown was getting married that summer and some of our mutual friends were unable to attend her wedding. So I hosted what I thought was simply a "Stock the Bar" party. I was later informed that I was actually hosting a co-ed bridal shower and as such, had to follow certain bridal shower protocol. Such as when the bride opens her gifts, I had to write down what she said. And this represented what she was supposed to say on her wedding night. I have never blushed so much in my life. Nor have I seem so many guys hit the "punch" more than at that party.

"Stock the Bar" showers are great! The best shower I ever went to was a co-ed Stock the Bar. The guys got really into picking out cool gifts!

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

"Stock the Bar" showers are great! The best shower I ever went to was a co-ed Stock the Bar. The guys got really into picking out cool gifts!

Yeah, this couple made out like bandits.