Sympathy card etiquette?

[honeychile]

I, too, like the "We" version.

I send at least one sympathy card every two weeks, and I do my best not to get into a pattern. There are, though, a couple things I try to say:
-I try to say, "Please accept my (our) sympathy." Many bereaved people are okay on the outside but have some intense anger on the inside. (Why did he leave me NOW? How am I going to get through this?) The phrase I mentioned allows the family to scream, "NO! I don't accept it because I don't believe it happened yet!" And yes, I have had a widow say that directly to me at a memorial service. Talk about awkward situations!

-It's okay to mention that a donation was made, just not the amount. That way, if they don't receive a card, you can look into it.

-I try to use a regular (but very nice) notecard, not a sympathy card, if I really know the family well. When a friend of mine from school died, I sent a card to his mother, and mentioned that (her son's name) will always be the popular guy in school with the guitar constantly at his side. I did not tell her that he was also my first kiss - that would have been too tacky. BTW, I once read what Calvin Coolidge wrote to a friend whose son had died, and it was something like, "Together, our sons will forever be boys in paradise" or something like that. It was quoted in a book on superb sympathy notes.

-Even if several months have gone by, still send that card, especially if you just heard about the death. My daddy's been gone for almost six years, and I promise you, I can tell you exactly who came to the viewing, the funeral, or sent a card!

And as others have said, follow up. Ask her how she's doing, or if she'd like to go to a movie or something. Sadly, widowers get asked everywhere, while widows are put out to pasture. Sisterhood will mean everything to your sister now!