I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[cheerfulgreek]

Thanks everyone. I learned things I didn't know before. I understand racism exist and will always exist, but it's not right. I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is. I think it's very sad that some men would date a woman because he thinks her race is better than another one. How can someone look at another person and say I don't like him/her because his/her skin color is not like mine? When I watch the presidential debates, I often wonder what it would be like if we couldn't see who was running for office, but could only hear their voices. I wonder who would win? That's another topic though.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is. Personal preference is one thing, but just to say I can't date him or her because he/she is not of the same color is wrong. I won't use race, because there's only one race, the human race. I'll just use skin or color, because that's all it is to me.

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Thanks everyone. I learned things I didn't know before. I understand racism exist and will always exist, but it's not right. I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is. I think it's very sad that some men would date a woman because he thinks her race is better than another one. How can someone look at another person and say I don't like him/her because his/her skin color is not like mine? When I watch the presidential debates, I often wonder what it would be like if we couldn't see who was running for office, but could only hear their voices. I wonder who would win? That's another topic though.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is. Personal preference is one thing, but just to say I can't date him or her because he/she is not of the same color is wrong. I won't use race, because there's only one race, the human race. I'll just use skin or color, because that's all it is to me.

I'm glad that you learned something, however if you have no interest in picking up a book to find the answers to your questions, or to gain a better understanding of the issue at hand, I think you need to refrain from asking any more questions on this board. I think that it's very easy to play all innocent like "well why would someone do XYZ?" and "we are all the same." Please. We are NOT all the same. We DO tend to experience the world differently based on the color of our skin, and there are cultural differences which are often connected with race. And all of that is just fine because beauty can be found in all of that. If everyone were the same the world would be incredibly boring. What I don't understand is why some people have such a hard time accepting that there are things/issues in this country and globally that are simply ugly/hard to talk about. Pretending to be clueless about them and then choosing to remain ignorant about them does not help anything.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is.

Cheerful--now, there is a historical context to what I say. I am not grabbing this shit outta my azz. It is real. 40 years ago, most Black women were working in a white woman's house, if they were not teachers, like my mother... And what happened in those houses were unspeakable to young, sometimes teen Black girls... Because a certain incident happened to my own mother that told her NOT to become a nurse or a maid...

I will be 40 years old in September...

Have "thangs" changed that much? For some women, they have not. You can look at the stats, but Black women in America rank the lowest in most of the health care issues in the spectrum. In fact, Black women in America are the highest group to be infected with HIV/AIDS... How can that happen in a 1st world country like the US?

Most of us have questions on "intent". Because, I cannot tell my Black male loved ones to do certain things--namely drive a hot car or vehicle in certain places for the fear they might get beaten down by dumbassed cops. Or recommend absentee voting ballots for the fear they will get kicked out of the voter's poll--something like that happened to my husband because the poll worker was an idiot.

So, pardon my reservations about dating "intent" and maybe I need to get over it, but I don't see that many caucasian women helping the hood rats out cleaning the streets when there is injustice going on toward the crimes against black folks... I cannot tell you how many times I have been harrassesed at a Department Store to the point where I hate shopping now...

All of those ill feelings unfortunately get conjured up when I see a "useless" brother dating a bimbo whose only intention is stereotypical...

Now, there are some young ladies here who date and have married brothers who are extremely intelligent by what they say and their track record in life. Of course, I am not talking about these women. Because really, if my brother had stayed with the Summa Cum Laude Lawyer, I would be happy as a lark. However, he wanted bootay and I am left wondering if these women KNOW that about him? And if they did, how come they want to trap him with babies? 'Cuz it's not like he has that much moolah...

But that's just me... We can take this to PM if you want...

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

What I don't understand is why some people have such a hard time accepting that there are things/issues in this country and globally that are simply ugly/hard to talk about. Pretending to be clueless about them and then choosing to remain ignorant about them does not help anything.

Valder... Let it go and breathe... Things will be revealed in good time.

[PrettyInPink777]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Thanks everyone. I learned things I didn't know before. I understand racism exist and will always exist, but it's not right. I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is. I think it's very sad that some men would date a woman because he thinks her race is better than another one. How can someone look at another person and say I don't like him/her because his/her skin color is not like mine? When I watch the presidential debates, I often wonder what it would be like if we couldn't see who was running for office, but could only hear their voices. I wonder who would win? That's another topic though.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is. Personal preference is one thing, but just to say I can't date him or her because he/she is not of the same color is wrong. I won't use race, because there's only one race, the human race. I'll just use skin or color, because that's all it is to me.

Well, no. You don't 'have' to be clueless... you are determined to be clueless. ..... which negates your earlier posts that seemed to seek understanding. What a waste of time.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyInPink777

Well, no. You don't 'have' to be clueless... you are determined to be clueless. ..... which negates your earlier posts that seemed to seek understanding. What a waste of time.

I was trying to get understanding, but I still don't understand why it's an issue if they're attracted to each other and really like each other. That's why I said I guess I'll go on clueless. I'm sorry, but I don't see why it's a problem.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I was trying to get understanding.

but you said you didn't want to read the books.

[Little32]

@CheerfulGreek: You were looking for a validation of your perspective, not understanding (because if you were looking for the latter, than a bit of reading and research might be necessary). When you didn't get that you decided to "remain clueless," which essentially means I am right even if y'all don't agree. That's okay--I guess.

[PrettyInPink777]

Originally Posted by Little32

@CheerfulGreek: You were looking for a validation of your perspective, not understanding (because if you were looking for the latter, than a bit of reading and research might be necessary). When you didn't get that you decided to "remain clueless," which essentially means I am right even if y'all don't agree. That's okay--I guess.

Exactly my point, soror.

Cheerful Greek, it's not a problem at all.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Little32

@CheerfulGreek: You were looking for a validation of your perspective, not understanding (because if you were looking for the latter, than a bit of reading and research might be necessary). When you didn't get that you decided to "remain clueless," which essentially means I am right even if y'all don't agree. That's okay--I guess.

I'm clueless as of why, because it's pretty shallow for someone to say "Oh, he shouldn't be with her because she's white."

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I'm clueless as of why, because it's pretty shallow for someone to say "Oh, he shouldn't be with her because she's white."

Sweetie, now are you being obstinate or do you really NOT understand? I do not think that is what most people are saying (in bolded)--what they are saying is that these men prey on some types of women for baseless reasons and are derogatory and bigoted to the women in their same group...

It is one thing that a man sees a woman and is physically attracted to her, gets to know her more and decides he likes being around her and wants to get to know her more in a dating capacity and the man happens to be Black and the woman happens to be White...

It is another thing that this same Black man says that ALL BLACK WOMEN are bitches and that he hates them because they are not {insert derogatory comment here}--so he going to date anything BUT BLACK... That is what we are talking about... That is ALL we are discussing...

The conclusions we all have come to is:

• That these men are idiots.
  
• They are one less person to think about at Christmastime.

And we have sort of moved on to the kids that result from these liaisons and their self-esteems, which is a very real personal issue for me...

It says nothing about your situation. If you have found a young man that enjoys your company and treats you respectfully and he happens to be Black, I wish you all the best in your relationship.

But, after discussing a variety of topics with you, I really think you can benefit from reading and educating yourself with references rather than solely relying on this young man for his culture. So that when you encounter that awkwardness, you are better prepared when you communicate with your loved ones. Hey, you can take it or leave my advice. Besides, how come you desire cluelessness? Do you have anything we all need to know?

And if your "boyfriend" is telling you not to interact with Black women, I am here to tell you that is full of shit and EFF that... You had better make some Sistahfriends and not the bootylicious subculture--because hayle no, that is not it... You know what I am talking about... Let me know, because we can assist you in what to say and do...


Now with that said, I have something for you in the News and Views thread!!!

[starang21]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I'm clueless

that's a choice, not a circumstance.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by starang21

but you said you didn't want to read the books.

No I don't want to read them. Just because it's in a book or written by some famous author doesn't make it right.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No I don't want to read them. Just because it's in a book or written by some famous author doesn't make it right.

and just because you say it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong, either. in fact, they're way more on the dot about the subject than you are. but you are more than allowed to wallow in your "cluelessness" i.e. ignorance.

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No I don't want to read them. Just because it's in a book or written by some famous author doesn't make it right.

Stealing a line from a bad movie I saw once..."Are you being deliberately dense?" I honestly think you have zero desire to become more educated about the issue and just want to ask a bunch of questions that you THINK you already know the answer to. I don't hate you, I really don't, so please don't think that. I just think you might not be the brightest crayon in the box.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

Stealing a line from a bad movie I saw once..."Are you being deliberately dense?" I honestly think you have zero desire to become more educated about the issue and just want to ask a bunch of questions that you THINK you already know the answer to. I don't hate you, I really don't, so please don't think that. I just think you might not be the brightest crayon in the box.

I don't think I'm being dense, and I don't ask questions I don't already have the right answer to. No one said anyone hated anyone. Maybe I'm not that knowledgeable on this subject, but I refuse to let outsiders determine who I decide to have a love life with. I honestly think when you see a black guy with a white woman in a relationship, you don't give him the benefit of the doubt unless you know him on a personal level. I think at the first look of seeing an interracial couple that you don't know (a black man and a white woman) you automatically start having negative thoughts in your mind. Like "Why is he with her?" or "He's one of those guys who thinks white women are better." You seem to link the two together as a bad thing and because associated concepts are essentially linked together in a person's mind, a person would be faster to respond to a related pair of concepts and in your case a black man and a white woman. Personally, I think this is a form of self interest, and self interest often shores up implicit biases. It's basically to bolster our own status. We are predisposed to ascribe superior characteristics to the groups to which we belong, or in groups, and to exaggerate differences between our own groups and outsiders. I think your basic visual perceptions on interracial relationships are totally skewed.

ETA: You also seem to hold strong emotions with interracial relationships (black and white) and some implicit biases appear to be rooted in strong emotions. Deep within our subconscious, all of us harbor biases, but the problem arises when we act on them. This is also something we can overcome since this is all based on brain activity.