My Sorority Pledge? I Swore Off Sisterhood

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by Ilaria Ame

i don't feel bad for this woman. sorry if that makes me sound like a cold bitch. we've all made mistakes and those of us who have taken responsibility for them and dealt with them have moved on. she feels like nothing was her fault and because of this, has victimized herself to a point of not trusting women. sure, the sorority sisters were not good people. she was innocent and didn't know any better. but if after all that happened to her she still can't take responsibility and recognize that continuing in the sorority after her sisters allowed a fraternity brother to treat her like that was a mistake, it's her own issue.

p.s. and before the question is asked, i've been in a situation like hers before, except with "friends" not sorority sisters. i'm from a small town and led a very sheltered life until college. i too lost my virginity very soon after started school. and later, after i willingly got drunk to fit in and was taken advantage of at a party without a word of protest from my "friends" i never spoke to any of them again. i at least had enough sense to realize that i didn't have to be like that; i could turn my life around and expect people to earn my trust rather than just give it away or in her case, never give it again.

And perhaps not everyone can be as strong as you? I'm sick of people on here thinking that everyone thinks and feels the same way they do about experiences. Everyone is different.

Originally Posted by ilovemyglo

I went through quite a bit of trauma throughout my early education... basically from grades 4-12. Constant bullying and constant harassment- and after all these years and as great as my life is now, I run into some of those "kids" that treated me that wa.y They come up and act all excited to see me and for some reason it just brings back all that shame and fear I had as a child.

Those kinds of experiences stay with you, and even though you may think you are past them, you still are haunted.

I think even the most successful people that have had experiences like this probably feel the same way.

Thank you. You just described exactly why I don't go into certain bars in my area.

[Ilaria Ame]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

And perhaps not everyone can be as strong as you? I'm sick of people on here thinking that everyone thinks and feels the same way they do about experiences. Everyone is different.

i understand what you mean. i was only criticizing the fact that she feels all women are not trustworthy because of her experience; sorry if that's not how it came across. if i were to see one of the people i was talking about in my situation, i can tell you exactly what i'd feel: my blood would run cold and i would want to leave as soon as possible. it would bring me back to a place in my life i have no wish to revisit. i empathize with her in that aspect. the difference is that i've acknowledged my role in that situation and don't place all the blame on the people around me. but as others have said, the fact that she can't get over her distrust of all women, just just the one in particular, shows that she clearly needs some help.

[Ch2tf]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

It's come to a point where my male friends have to check IDs to make sure she's telling the truth that she's over 18 [especially for freshmen], make sure she has consumed not a drop of alcohol, AND make sure that she won't regret it tomorrow. That's a burden, considering all those are things that SHE should control. I'm tired of hearing stories of men accused of "gray rape"; "I invited him into my room, we were making out and ended up having sex. I totally regret it! He raped me!" We shouldn't just assume that everyone who claims they were raped was, indeed, raped.

I agree with you to a certain extent, but I also think it's the responsibility of a guy to ensure his own safety. So if that means he has to check IDs, check and double check that a girl is willing, then so be it.

In general I think it's a bad idea to have sex with someone when either party is "drunk" to the point that either of them are not actually thinking about what they are doing. Not to mention the fact that you're having sex with a person that you barely know. All of it, for both parties, plays are part in the outcome. If the sex is really that important enough to put yourself in such a position, then that is a decision that you consciously made and have to deal with the outcomes.

Originally Posted by fantASTic

This stuff actually happens. And it's ridiculous. A false claim of rape, even if he's not convicted, can ruin a man's life. Ladies: would you REALLY trust someone if you found out that he'd been accused of rape, even if he had been proven innocent? I wouldn't.

On this I totally agree and I think how rape accusations are originally handled /perceived are always biased toward one of the parties, but the only way to avoid this (and it isn't 100%) is to make smarter decisions concerning who you sleep with, and under what circumstances it happens.