Long Distance Relationships

[PhoenixAzul]

I feel like I need to write an informational pamphlet on the subject of long distance relationships. I've been in one for six years, five of those being long distance. I went to undergrad in OH while my BF was in PA. I took a study abroad thing to Northern Ireland. And now we're engaged and I live in Scotland (yeah, not ideal, but whatever).

The basic thing is to not get caught up in the "blame game". as in, "if you weren't doing x, than we could be together!". And if you're the jealous type, than it can really eat you up. We realize that our being away from each other gives us time to work on our selves as individuals, and we bring that enrichment and those experiences back to the relationship and make it stronger. Being engaged and away from each other pretty much sucks the big one, but it is for the benefit of our relationship in the long run (me getting a higher ed degree here means we can both immigrate here together, and i have better employment prospects in the UK/Europe). Do I miss him? Yes, desperately. But does it make the time we spend together better? Definitely. And it really taught us how to communicate better with each other and be honest with how we were feeling. And we learned to write really good love letters.

It can work, it just *takes* work.

[AGDee]

I think it's a lot easier today with cell phones, email, web cams and IM. "Back in the day" when my college boyfriend lived a couple hours away and we went home for the summer, I would have to go get a roll of quarters and find a comfy payphone to call him! We wrote each other snail mail letters, sometimes every day. It was tough but then, it was only for 3 months. Now, you can converse in some form every day.

[Infamous12]

I'm currently in my second long-distance relationship. The first one ( of 5 years) would have been fine, had he not cheated and subsequently got the girl pregnant. But while fidelity, determination and love were there - it was grand.

My current relationship has always been long-distance, but it's not too bad as since it's only 3 hours away AND I work in his city very often. We see each other every other weekend, if not every weekend, and talk several times a day.

It's the little things that really make the difference. Sending little notes and cards, or e-cards, remind you two of your love. Taking special time out of your day just a 'just called to say I love you' phone call. Even, planning to watch a certain show each week, so that it's like you two are watching tv together. My fave: whenever I visit, I leave post-it notes strategically hidden in his apartment so that after I'm gone, he opens up a random shoe box and finds quirky little notes from me! (I got a standing ovation from his boys for that one, lol.)

All this stuff is slightly corny, I know, but it keeps the relationship fun and keeps the love going even with miles in between. Its really all about the work you're willing to put in to making the relationship grow. Dont think of your distance as a bad thing, but moreso as the opportunity to build yourselves mentally, emotionally and spiritually as individuals so that when you come together as a unit - you'll be that much greater as a team.

[RhoSigma2003]

Well, 8 weeks ago my long distance boyfriend and I moved in together!

I lived in Chicago and he lived in Boston. We met through friends and we have always been long distance. We have gone a max of 7 weeks without seeing each other and omg its really tough. He was working on his graduate thesis and I was working on a conference with about 4,500 attendees.

I made him a scrapbook of our first 3 visits together. Since then, I have been collecting more stuff to put in it, just haven't had the time. Here are some ideas:

-Order dinner for him from his favorite place and have it delivered.
-Send cards with personal messages in the inside.
-I've overnighted homemade white chocolate chip brownies to him before
-Send a care package, but have a theme to it.
-leave lip-stick/chap stick notes on his mirror.
-Leave a card on his pillow when you leave. Spray your perfume on his pillows. Men commit smell to memories more than females do.
-Monday nights we would always watch "How I met your mother" and we still are.
-Email or text throughout the day. Thats the biggest thing about being in a long distance relationship is always feeling included in the other person's life. And share stories of your own, even if you feel that he might not care about them, he will.
-Planning something to do during your next visit. He and I lived over 1,000 miles away(southwest LOVED us; 2 free round trips in 9 months). It something that will impact both of you during your visit.

Plus, surround yourself with supportive friends and family. This is HUGE. We wouldn't have made it this far if we didn't have wonderful friends and family that kept an open mind of our relationship.

If you need anything, let me know! I know exactly what you guys are going through.

[Infamous12]

^^^ Oooh, I'm going to use that fave restaurant delivery one! GREAT idea!

I'm planning on sending him cards and treats everyday during his last week of grad this semester.

RhoSigma, I may be calling on you for help with this too, lol.

*goes off to find the number to 'No Thai' restaurant and the location of the ME research lab *

[RhoSigma2003]

No problem, just message away! I sent it when he took a "sick" day finishing his thesis. I had his favorite pizza and clam chowder soup sent to him. He almost didn't accept the food! I gave him a clue and told him not to get in the shower or leave the house until 1:00pm. He remembered that when the door bell rang and it was some yummy food.