Playas till the day we die...

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i am working on this as well...its hard to surrender that control when you have acted as male and female in your household. i think its also been a form of insurance for me, knowing that if this doesnt work out, i can do it myself. it ends up coming across wrong to him, not that i want to run things myself, but that i dont want HIM to have control.

I think what we forget is that both men and women lose some forms of control when they unite as one. When I was married I didn't choose what I ate, what the house looked like, often what I wore, and what we did in free time. I trusted her with those decisions.

OT, I know how you feel, but that ain't gonna work. "Baby it's not that I don't want you to lead, I just don't want you to have control." . In order for him to lead, you gotta take your hand off the steering wheel. BUT!!! You're still in the passenger seat and you can help him navigate. And when y'all get lost...chew him out!

[OneTimeSBX]

very true marquise...

and another thing: it is a man/head of households responsibility to teach/train the woman how to be head of household. not so that she steps on toes, but in case she needs to step up to that role!

[raggann03]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

Good post and as a women I agree, provided you understand that this biblical principal places a requirement on the man...as long as you meet that requirement we are good to go!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by raggann03

Good post and as a women I agree, provided you understand that this biblical principal places a requirement on the man...as long as you meet that requirement we are good to go!

Exactly. It's not easy. Some men think it's easy but it's not. Hint, we're XY a woman is XX. This is crazy but it's true. In a marriage/relationship that man has to do his best to understand his wife/woman. He has both chromosomes. Male and female. She has female only. I'm being a hypocrite because I still don't understand women, but I'm, working at it. That's why it's a man's job to submit himself to her needs not to her lead.

God never gave direction to Eve. He gave it to Adam. What happened when Eve ate of the tree? Nothing. Remember, they still didn't realize they were naked until Adam ate it. That's when they both became ashamed. God asked Adam, not Eve why he was hiding. He gave Adam the dominion. A lot of people think it was Eve's fault. Wrong. It was Adam's fault. It's because of Adam that we live in sin. The same thing goes today. If the man isn't leading and taking care of his wife financially and spiritually then he's the Adam. When things go wrong, it's his fault, of course unless he just has a jacked up woman who doesn't love or respect herself. Men, love your wives like Jesus loved the Church and died for it. That's a lot, but God expects nothing less. Just my 2 cents.

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

*Stands up and claps*

Frat you are on point completely. I have always tried my hardest to take the lead in my relationships. But often I find women, especially our own, SIMPLY WON'T FOLLOW. Despite my greatest efforts. I was raised in a home where my father had been the leader but became ill, so my mother and all of us had to step up. I realized how big the role of a husband was. Prior to him being sick I can't remember wanting for anything growing up. But after he became disabled we only had dinner 5/7 days a week. No matter how hard me, mom's, and big sis worked, we couldn't do what he did. I noticed we argued about everything too because for the first time we had to make decisions he used to make.

I say this just to stress the point of what you made clear. MEN ARE MADE TO LEAD. Women and children are made to follow. My father was never a dictator. He never forced us to do anything, honestly we just trusted him and most of the time he was right. I want to be like my father, but there seems to be very few women like my mother and almost no other men like my father for me to use as a support system.

[pinkies up]

Let me just say that it's how a man leads. It takes patience first and in my situation, a lot of small compromises. I thought being led was losing who I was as a strong woman. I soon realized that it's a stronger woman who allows her man to be the man. Don't just say "Me man, you woman" and beat your chest like Tarzan. Explain to her why and SHOW her that you are worthy to lead her and the family. Your decisions should be in the best interest of the family. Sometimes it's the women some of you men seek out to try to make into a wife or a woman of substance. Women aren't without fault either. Sometimes we're afraid that you'll take our meekness or softsides as a sign of weakness, so we build concrete walls to protect ourselves. Once the conversations become more about building together and less about tearing eachother down, our community will once again be something to be admired and not talked about in negative ways.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

*Stands up and claps*

Frat you are on point completely. I have always tried my hardest to take the lead in my relationships. But often I find women, especially our own, SIMPLY WON'T FOLLOW. Despite my greatest efforts. I was raised in a home where my father had been the leader but became ill, so my mother and all of us had to step up. I realized how big the role of a husband was. Prior to him being sick I can't remember wanting for anything growing up. But after he became disabled we only had dinner 5/7 days a week. No matter how hard me, mom's, and big sis worked, we couldn't do what he did. I noticed we argued about everything too because for the first time we had to make decisions he used to make.

I say this just to stress the point of what you made clear. MEN ARE MADE TO LEAD. Women and children are made to follow. My father was never a dictator. He never forced us to do anything, honestly we just trusted him and most of the time he was right. I want to be like my father, but there seems to be very few women like my mother and almost no other men like my father for me to use as a support system.

Nupe that's a good story. That simply has made you a stronger man though.

Man, you hit it on the nose. Women do not like to be led, especially our own. My X was a trip. She did her own thing, and I did mine, because I damn sure was not going to follow her. Wasn't raised to follow a woman. My father always told me there's nothing wrong with listening to your wife/woman, you just have to know when to listen to her. A man that lets his wife/woman lead, will lead that joker right into the gutter, and then blame it on him and the killer thing about it is she would be right. It would be his own fault. Why? Because God DID NOT give the woman the dominion, nor did he give her direction. That was Adams responsibility. Period. Also you can't lead a woman who refuses to be led. I know why women have a hard time submitting, but that goes back to Genesis. I'll explain later.

[KAPPAtivating]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Nupe that's a good story. That simply has made you a stronger man though.

Man, you hit it on the nose. Women do not like to be led, especially our own. My X was a trip. She did her own thing, and I did mine, because I damn sure was not going to follow her. Wasn't raised to follow a woman. My father always told me there's nothing wrong with listening to your wife/woman, you just have to know when to listen to her. A man that lets his wife/woman lead, will lead that joker right into the gutter, and then blame it on him and the killer thing about it is she would be right. It would be his own fault. Why? Because God DID NOT give the woman the dominion, nor did he give her direction. That was Adams responsibility. Period. Also you can't lead a woman who refuses to be led. I know why women have a hard time submitting, but that goes back to Genesis. I'll explain later.

Let the chuch say, "AMEN!"

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

Let the chuch say, "AMEN!"

*Takes shoe off and throws it at Pastor PB!*
*High 5's Kappativating*

You better preach nikka!!!!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Nupe that's a good story. That simply has made you a stronger man though.

Man, you hit it on the nose. Women do not like to be led, especially our own. My X was a trip. She did her own thing, and I did mine, because I damn sure was not going to follow her. Wasn't raised to follow a woman. My father always told me there's nothing wrong with listening to your wife/woman, you just have to know when to listen to her. A man that lets his wife/woman lead, will lead that joker right into the gutter, and then blame it on him and the killer thing about it is she would be right. It would be his own fault. Why? Because God DID NOT give the woman the dominion, nor did he give her direction. That was Adams responsibility. Period. Also you can't lead a woman who refuses to be led. I know why women have a hard time submitting, but that goes back to Genesis. I'll explain later.

So why couldnt you walk by her side WITH her? Would it have killed you?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

So why couldnt you walk by her side WITH her? Would it have killed you?

I didn't say she had to walk behind me, but I will be the head and she is to submit to my lead. Period. If you don't agree with it, that's cool. Good luck in your future relationships.