Are You Too Good For These Men?

[SoEnchanting]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Yes.

LMFAO!

[SoEnchanting]

Ok, let's keep it real. First of all I am taken so no I would not be dating any of these men. But in determining compatibility, I am not looking for the six-figure guy or the best looks, I just want someone who can keep up - intellectually, personality-wise, AND financially. Sounds easy, right? Yea, right....

Unfortunately, I can't tell these things from their short bios here.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

This is an interesting discussion. My best friend, my daughter and I were having a discussion about why none of us were married or in a serious relationship. All three of us are attractive, have good jobs and own our own homes.

My daughter, with her wise self said: we could have all been married if that is all we wanted. But we wanted more and we wouldn't settle. It is not all about looks, income, etc. with a man, it is about how they treat us and respect us.

She went on to tell me she is so glad I did not marry her father, who is an alcoholic, because she would not have had the loving life she has had with just a single parent. I had to sit down on that one.

We know too many women who marry for the sake of being married and end up divorced with children five years later. Why? Because deep down inside all they really wanted was the wedding and the status that goes along with being Mrs. so and so.

So should we be judgemental? IMO no, because that implies judging the book by its cover. Should we be discerning? Absolutely. If you start reading the book and it does not appeal to you, then put it on the shelf and find a new book to read.

This is intersting you say these things. Your daughter is truly wise and will probably be married soon than you think!

My now husband and I eloped to be married to my husband because of what our families would have done to our wedding: too big, too many people, gifts we would need or want. It would not be the event we have dreams about. And now, 4 years later, I am still proud to be with my husband...

My husband, if he was single, could have been one of those guys. Label himself as an animal technian--the one who cleans the cages and put his hand up cow's behinds... He was told that "he's a nice guy, but..."

Then he has truly enriched my life and treated me well...

[IncontRHOllable]

Hmmm, I would want to know more about them, well except for #1, he is outside of my age range. Its funny but where are these men (good guys) and are they reallllllly the good guys they say they are? Probably not. There are no good guys out there, they are all taken.

[RedefinedDiva]

The problem is that we are being told to SETTLE by this article and an accompanying article by Iyanla Vanzant on the website.

I know that I am picky.... to an extent. However, I feel that I have a RIGHT to be. I don't AUTOMATICALLY diss someone because he isn't coming like Morris Chestnut in "Two Can Play That Game" (You know, a tall, dark, and handsome lawyer with his own home and substantial income). However, being that I have achieved a certain level of success in my life, why should I NOT expect someone to complement that?

I have NEVER had a requirement that the person that I date have a certain occupation; however, I DO require that he AT LEAST have a bachelor's degree. Hell, after next May, I'll have THREE. The least my mate can do is have at least ONE. In fact, I have even attempted to substitute the degree for military experience. I've tried to relax this "requirement," but it has done more harm than good.... I wasn't born a lawyer. I don't even know if I'll die as a lawyer. I can change my mind as the wind blows. I have been a teacher so I know that that is an admirable profession. I know that there are other professions that are well respected, so I'm not too picky about that aspect. However, I can admit that I would probably igg a stockboy too, so I don't know why the young man in the story is surprised.

In terms of height, I've never been (extra) picky about that either. I do have a PREFERENCE for men that are taller than I am. The thing is that I don't require that he stand as tall as Shaq, but I don't want to stare straight ahead and be able to see the waves in your hair either. Weight is not an issue all the time either. While I don't ordinarily date overweight guys, I have been trying to give them a chance. The only thing is that since I am trying to get into shape, he MUST do the same. That brings me to the guy that was short and overweight. Dude, be realistic. Something has to give. If you are short, you have to make up in other ways. Then he had the nerve to be some kind of clubhopper, which another issue in itself....

In terms of dress, I don't really care how one dresses in his down time. However, I would hope that he can dress for his age. At some point, the look needs to step up. Even Jay-Z came to his senses and started wearing jeans and "button-ups." I think that a man should also know how to fit in the most professional of settings. Attire means a lot. So, for the guy on the website that is actually an MBA grad, but is mistaken for a thug, he needs to grow up and realize that HE has some fault in how he's perceived. And finally, as far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have ben known to date guys that other girls may not find attractive, but hey, I'm the one that has to look into his face. So, if I like it, you should love it.

I would have to agree with Blessed2bDST when she stated that women are always made to explain why they don't like a certain type of guy. However, men need to evaluate themselves. Yes, women are graduating and moving into power professions and positions at greater numbers and are seeking men in similar positions. However, men take advantage of this "man shortage" that they beat down our throats daily and use that as leverage to play women. And will women would probably like to date and settle down with men that may not share a comparable profession and/or income, one issue that arises, for exapmle, is that men oftentimes can't handle the fact that they are not the main breadwinner, which leads to resentment.

I'll bet that there is no follow-up on these men. If there is, I would like to see comments from some of the women that may have been in contact with them and/or may have gone on a date with them so that we can get the real story. I'll bet these "good guys" aren't the victims that Essence is making them out to be.

Originally Posted by ladygreek

...We know too many women who marry for the sake of being married and end up divorced with children five years later. Why? Because deep down inside all they really wanted was the wedding and the status that goes along with being Mrs. so and so...

I have quite a few friends who are married but are so unhappy because they married for this reason. So sad...

But back to the original topic... I don't find any of those men physically attractive, so I wouldn't give either one of them a chance.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

Ok, let's keep it real. First of all I am taken so no I would not be dating any of these men. But in determining compatibility, I am not looking for the six-figure guy or the best looks, I just want someone who can keep up - intellectually, personality-wise, AND financially. Sounds easy, right? Yea, right....

All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

Unfortunately, I can't tell these things from their short bios here.

I agree. But I'm not remotely attracted to any of those dudes so the bios don't move me either way.

[Little32]

My most recent relationship (or person that I dated, it wasn't really a relationship) was with someone who might be termed a blue collar worker, and I am (in terms of education) considered to be at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I didn't and don't have a problem with what he does, what I found is that he operates from the assumption that I do. ( I don't know if that is because he has encountered women that have had an issue with his profession in the past or what.) But essentially, he brought his preconceived notions about what I wanted and who I was (based on my profession and my education), and that colors the way that he interacts with me.

So, I think that that just reinforces the idea that these men may be part of the reason as to why they find it difficult to date.

[mulattogyrl]

I'd give 2 and 4 a chance. Nothing wrong with them, upon first glance anyway.

[lovehaiku84]

I thought that a couple of them were cute, but I don't think I'd be too interested in any one of them. Maybe the "thug" if he didn't dress like that...
Anyways the short guy looks like someone that approached my friends and I in a club once time. He was pretty much shorter than all three of us (I am 5'4), and made an attempt to "get at" each one of us when one rejected him. This guy was relentless! He peeped the ring I wear on my left hand when I don't want to be bothered and went on and on about how it should have been bigger and how he would have gotten me something better. So besides the fact that he was super short, he was just annoying. I really do think that there are some other reasons that these men are single besides the ones that they shared.

[Infamous12]

Originally Posted by Little32

My most recent relationship (or person that I dated, it wasn't really a relationship) was with someone who might be termed a blue collar worker, and I am (in terms of education) considered to be at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I didn't and don't have a problem with what he does, what I found is that he operates from the assumption that I do. ( I don't know if that is because he has encountered women that have had an issue with his profession in the past or what.) But essentially, he brought his preconceived notions about what I wanted and who I was (based on my profession and my education), and that colors the way that he interacts with me.

So, I think that that just reinforces the idea that these men may be part of the reason as to why they find it difficult to date.

I just got out of practically the same situation. I have a degree and a job with power options. (Can easily move up in company) He's 3 years my senior, with a pretty good finance type of job (insurance something or other) but still had not received his degree and so he felt like I was 'too much for him'. He had some security issues, as I NEVER even cared about his degree or lack thereof, honestly. But he did....and figured one day I would too. Oh well...

I think the Baby Daddy & MBA Thug are pretty cute.

[Little32]

It is pretty frustrating because, unless I get with another Ph.D., there is always going to be at least that difference (even if financial issues are non-existent--and you academics out there know how underpaid we are). I'm not necessarily interested in dating another academic, but even if I were there just aren't a lot of single, heterosexual men of color with Ph.Ds out there, at least not were I am.

[NiaX]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

No, I think it was deliberate. How many women kept reading after seeing truck driver. That was the point he wanted to make.

ahhh... I mean I read after it said Truck Driver b/c it didn't make sense.... and then I saw the point, and was disappointed.

[SoEnchanting]

[quote=DSTCHAOS;1454133]All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

quote]

Where are all of these men easily found?

[SoEnchanting]

Originally Posted by Little32

It is pretty frustrating because, unless I get with another Ph.D., there is always going to be at least that difference (even if financial issues are non-existent--and you academics out there know how underpaid we are). I'm not necessarily interested in dating another academic, but even if I were there just aren't a lot of single, heterosexual men of color with Ph.Ds out there, at least not were I am.

Not where I am, either!