Cheating a different perspective . . .

[PrettyBoy]

Ditto to the two members above me.

I hate cheaters. They suck.

[Coramoor]

Sounds like the progressive BS that all liberals love.

Just another way to make cheaters feel less guilty-they can justify their actions.

Either you are with a person or not. Plus all the complications, I mean if I found out I was raising another mans kid...the consequences would certainly lead to jail time if caught.

[KSig RC]

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

That's how I feel about it. If someone were to cheat on me, would it affect their trustworthiness? Sure, but it wouldn't be enough to end a relationship unless it were added together with other things (dishonesty about money, etc.).

And yes, before people bring it up, I have been cheated on (in high school and college), so I know how it feels.

[laylo]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

I don't see it as an aspect of someone's character, but a behavior that reflects other aspects including: Selfishness, hypocrisy (being willing to cheat on your partner when you'd be devastated if (s)he did it to you), lack of self-control, willingness to lie to your partner's face however many times is necessary to hide the act, keeping your partner in the dark about the terms of your relationship, and most importantly willingness to put his or her life in danger. There's also risking breaking his or her heart and making it incredibly difficult to restore trust. Not too many other actions require these kind of conditions or this many all rolled into one.

[RU OX Alum]

monoghamy, well marriage for that matter in genrenal, ins't really natural

it is wrong to hurt someone's feeling, but it's not wrong in and of itself

[laylo]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

monoghamy, well marriage for that matter in genrenal, ins't really natural

it is wrong to hurt someone's feeling, but it's not wrong in and of itself

If someone feels this way and therefore never agrees to a monogamous relationship, I can respect that. What I hate is when people use this to justify their hurting, deceiving, and risking the health and lives of their partners; and/or go around whining about how the situation they chose to commit to isn't natural while fully expecting fidelity from their partners.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by laylo

I don't see it as an aspect of someone's character, but a behavior that reflects other aspects including: Selfishness, hypocrisy (being willing to cheat on your partner when you'd be devastated if (s)he did it to you), lack of self-control, willingness to lie to your partner's face however many times is necessary to hide the act, keeping your partner in the dark about the terms of your relationship, and most importantly willingness to put his or her life in danger. There's also risking breaking his or her heart and making it incredibly difficult to restore trust. Not too many other actions require these kind of conditions or this many all rolled into one.

Soror, you hit the nail on the head. I think a lack of self-control is the side of cheating that bothers me the most... because it applies to almost everything we do. We're constantly being told to "do what makes you happy/what feels good," etc., while having self-control is waaaaaay down on the bottom of the list of positive attributes for which one generally looks. I think it's actually one of the most important.

Simply put, what feels good isn't always good, and what seems like a good idea at the time may become a disaster down the line. A person with self-control (not someone I can claim to be all the time ) knows this.

So, uh, yeah... cheating is bad. But not just because of the act, but because of what it says about the person cheating.

[Rudey]

If more American men beat their wives, there would be less cheating I bet.

-Rudey
--I'm just saying.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

I agree with you...it's all wrong, but should it be the end of the world?

I think in relationships outside of marriage...dump them, it's not worth the time and trouble if it's not serious. But a marriage with kids should be able to survive that. You're right...there are many people who routinely do things that are just as "bad" and yet the deal breaker is cheating instead of possibly lying or such.

[cheerfulgreek]

No one is perfect. Of course there's gonna be some negative things in a person's character, but why even get involved in a relationship if you're gonna cheat. Just continue to sleep around and just don't commit. I think that's so wrong to play with someones feelings like that.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No one is perfect. Of course there's gonna be some negative things in a person's character, but why even get involved in a relationship if you're gonna cheat. Just continue to sleep around and just don't commit. I think that's so wrong to play with someones feelings like that.

If you're a serial cheater I agree, but on the other hand, there are always extenuating circumstances. Sometimes you're just a huge jackass/bitch. Other times you don't realize your relationship is over until after you've done the deed (the deed being whatever you define cheating as. Kissing, sex etc.). I would be very upset if someone cheated on me but it's usually a sign that's there something wrong anyway.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by centaur532

If you're a serial cheater I agree, but on the other hand, there are always extenuating circumstances. Sometimes you're just a huge jackass/bitch. Other times you don't realize your relationship is over until after you've done the deed (the deed being whatever you define cheating as. Kissing, sex etc.). I would be very upset if someone cheated on me but it's usually a sign that's there something wrong anyway.

There's no excuse for it to me. If I was in a bad relationship and he wanted to cheat, I would at least expect him to talk about it with me. If he still wants another woman, then I would rather have him end the relationship rather than to cheat. I just can't figure out why people even get involved in a relationship when they're going to cheat.

Kissing, and sex are definite definitions of cheating to me. There are also emotional affairs as well. All of it is so wrong.