Legacy

33girl · #1 05-12-2007, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Many of you have said that unless the legacy is an obvious bad fit with the chapter she should be given a bid. I agree, but I'm wondering about what you would all think about a situation that occured at my chapter.

We had a legacy come through whose older sister was an active member of the chapter -- she had just been initiated the year before. I think it's even more important to give that type of legacy due consideration. Well, she was cut. She was a rather large girl.

She didn't pledge any sorority at all and I don't think it was her size either. There were 17 other chapters on campus and I'm sure she could have been bid. I think she was just too devastated to continue with Recruitment. So, in this case, the pressure to pledge her legacy group was way too much for her.

Personally, I thought cutting the girl was wrong and it ended up being the second to the last straw before I ended up taking alumna status. What would you have done or thought about the situation?

I think that's horrible. Especially the part that council (I assume you're talking about your chapter exec board/council, not your national council) and advisor didn't let the chapter vote. That's messed up in ANY bid situation, good or bad outcome.

Then again, if she would have been the ONLY girl in the chapter who didn't look like a model, she would have had to put up with the whispers behind her back of "She only got a bid because she's a legacy! Isn't it obvious?!" and that would have worn on her self esteem too. Especially if she wasn't able to make good friends among some of the other sisters.

Did her sister stay active?

jennie3576 · #2 05-12-2007, 10:49 PM

My chapter has had a few legacies..... mostly givn bids because we loved them independantly of their predecessors!

Last semester, a legacy crossed, and she told us she knew she wanted to be an AST while at her bio sister's wedding - and seeing how her sisters sisters reacted with each other! she's fantastic.

my niece (well...cousin, but that's a story for another day) is graduating HS in 2008, and is already scoping out schools that have AST because of me - I never even talked about sorority/greek life with her - and my sister/roommate

how exciting is that?

Leslie Anne · #3 05-14-2007, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's horrible. Especially the part that council (I assume you're talking about your chapter exec board/council, not your national council) and advisor didn't let the chapter vote. That's messed up in ANY bid situation, good or bad outcome.

Then again, if she would have been the ONLY girl in the chapter who didn't look like a model, she would have had to put up with the whispers behind her back of "She only got a bid because she's a legacy! Isn't it obvious?!" and that would have worn on her self esteem too. Especially if she wasn't able to make good friends among some of the other sisters.

Did her sister stay active?

I appreciate your input as well as that of 'Drolefille' and 'xoheatherxo'. It's pathetic, but for years I've wondered if I over-reacted. I guess I didn't though.

In hindsight, I think they might not have brought it to a chapter vote to avoid a fight. I have to believe that I wouldn't have been the only one to speak up about it being a horrible reason to cut the girl and incredibly shallow. I'm certain it would have gotten ugly though. Inevitably, there would have been someone (at least one if not more) who would have insisted that we had an image to protect and she would have been cut anyway.

As it stands, I can't be sure if it was our entire chapter council or just one or two members of it that had objections. I'll never know who was behind it. I guess, for that, I'm glad.

My chapter wasn't all Barbie Dolls but I'd have to admit that there were a lot of really pretty girls. We were fairly diverse though too. (Hell, I got in and I'm no Barbie Doll.) I think if she had been extended a bid things in general would have been fine for her. On the other hand, I wouldn't have been surprised if a few girls would have avoided her and even resented her for "ruining our image". She would have felt it and it would have hurt.

I'm not really sure what happened to her older sister. I just looked her up in our Alumnae Directory and she's listed so at least I know she didn't resign. I have no idea how it affected her relationship with the chapter though. It was only 2 or 3 weeks later that I took alumna status and was out of there.

It's sad though. It's sad when too much pressure is put on a legacy. It's sad that she couldn't stick with Recruitment anyway and find happiness in another chapter. I'm sure being cut from her legacy house was a huge crush to her ego. The whole thing is just plain sad.

Okay, I really have been babbling. I've never spoken about this to anyone and I guess I had a lot of bottled up feelings about it. I wouldn't ordinarily want to air KD's dirty laundry, but I think everyone here already knows that what happened in one chapter years ago doesn't reflect on the sorority as a whole.

Thanks for 'listening'.

kddani · #4 05-14-2007, 06:16 AM

If it was done by chapter council and the alumnae advisers, how do you know the exact reason she was cut???

As you know, membership selection is private and ritual, so I'm not even going to point out more details by how this isn't a) in line with how we're supposed to do things and b) you're airing dirty laundry (yes, it's aged) that also happens to be private membership ritual information.

ForeverRoses · #5 05-14-2007, 10:10 AM

I think going through rush as a legacy can be VERY unnerving. My sister graduated the year before I started college, but her little sisters as well as lots of friends were still active and her big was an alumna in town. So when I rushed as a freshman I was getting ALOT of pressure- nightly phone calls from my sister and her big to "see how things were going" lots of "advice" during rush parties on things to say to the girls rushing me (usually from my sisters friends who would "stop by" to talk). I ended up dropping out of rush the day of prefs and I let my answering machine take all the calls.

Luckily it's not a big deal to rush as a sophmore, so when I did decide to re-rush, I decided not to tell anyone. I even left the legacy line blank on the application. I did like my sister's chapter, but I wanted to make sure they liked me for me, not because of who my sister is. I ended up joining a house other than my sister's and I knew I made the right decision the moment I walked up to the house with my bid.

AOII Angel · #6 05-14-2007, 10:20 AM

Forever Roses...that was a really good idea. I know family members don't mean to put pressure on legacies, but their happiness with the sorority doesn't always translate to the next family member. I didn't really have that option. What I finally decided was that why a chapter wanted me was immaterial. Did they know me by the end of rush? NO. You can find a friends in any group of women, and you bond with the others over your ritual and traditions. I think it's nice that some are able to recognize a feeling of belonging with a certain group, but I think a lot of women don't. I also think this is true considering how many people in this country don't get the first choice on their bid lists. They find a way to fit in and be happy.

ForeverRoses · #7 05-14-2007, 01:24 PM

I have wondered if I would have chosen my sister's org if it wasn't her org. I think part of it is when you are 18-19 years old and trying to figure out who you are, being constantly compaired to someone you are not can be very difficult.
Now if I had had a daughter (I have three boys) I would have loved for her to be an AOII, but I hope I would understand if she chose something else.

Leslie Anne · #8 05-14-2007, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

If it was done by chapter council and the alumnae advisers, how do you know the exact reason she was cut???

Just because it was done without the rest of the chapter doesn't mean we couldn't know what was done and why. Besides, how long does anything in a chapter remain a secret?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

As you know, membership selection is private and ritual, so I'm not even going to point out more details by how this isn't a) in line with how we're supposed to do things and b) you're airing dirty laundry (yes, it's aged) that also happens to be private membership ritual information.

Actually, I've never bought the idea that MS is ritual. Private, yes...okay, fine. I'm very familiar with our ritual, it was my job in my chapter for two years. I've also studied our ritual for several years now as an alumna. MS isn't part of it. I know that people insist that it is though.

It might not have been how we we're supposed to it. I have no idea. A lot has changed over the last twenty-some-odd years. And if it wasn't the way we were supposed to do it, then I didn't reveal anything about MS. Yes, I said we would have discussed the girl. I think that every GLO does that and it goes without saying.

As for airing dirty laundry, I guess I did. I'm sorry. In the long run though, I don't think people are going to get the impression that what happened represents Kappa Delta in general. GCers are more sophisticated than that.

honeychile · #9 05-14-2007, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Just because it was done without the rest of the chapter doesn't mean we couldn't know what was done and why. Besides, how long does anything in a chapter remain a secret?

Probably much more than you'll ever realize!

I know alumnae from 10-20 years ago who have wondered what really happened behind a closed door or two!

susan314 · #10 05-14-2007, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

As for airing dirty laundry, I guess I did. I'm sorry. In the long run though, I don't think people are going to get the impression that what happened represents Kappa Delta in general. GCers are more sophisticated than that.

I think that we all realize that a situation like that could have occurred on any campus in any of the "top" chapters - regardless of which NPC group it is. Similar situations may have occurred in any of our GLOs - maybe not in our particular chapter, but a chapter on a campus where image is a big deal. It may not be what our org's stand for nationally as a whole, but we can't control every decision made by every individual member in every individual chapter.

khfadpi · #11 05-14-2007, 10:45 PM

Well, my daughter accepted an open bid from Phi Mu at her university. I was kind of sad that she didn't go ADPi, but she is very happy and that is all I want for her. I can tell this is going to be a good experience for her. I helped her make a lot of presents for her big sister, and it was odd to be painting everything pink and white. She even got me a Phi Mu mom t-shirt!!
She is very excited and I have met several of her new sisters and they are really nice girls and I am glad she is a part of it. Its all about what you get out of it and if the sorority is a good fit for the girl. We may not be sisters, but we are both Macon Magnolias.

(I guess this shouldn't be a surprise, because she has always loved the color pink!!!)

honeychile · #12 05-14-2007, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by khfadpi

Well, my daughter accepted an open bid from Phi Mu at her university. I was kind of sad that she didn't go ADPi, but she is very happy and that is all I want for her. I can tell this is going to be a good experience for her. I helped her make a lot of presents for her big sister, and it was odd to be painting everything pink and white. She even got me a Phi Mu mom t-shirt!!
She is very excited and I have met several of her new sisters and they are really nice girls and I am glad she is a part of it. Its all about what you get out of it and if the sorority is a good fit for the girl. We may not be sisters, but we are both Macon Magnolias.

(I guess this shouldn't be a surprise, because she has always loved the color pink!!!)

(((((((((((((((((((((((((khgadpi & daughter))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have tears in my eyes for you both!!

GDIfly · #13 05-14-2007, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Actually, I've never bought the idea that MS is ritual. Private, yes...okay, fine. I'm very familiar with our ritual, it was my job in my chapter for two years. I've also studied our ritual for several years now as an alumna. MS isn't part of it. I know that people insist that it is though.

Thank you! It's always bothered me when people around here say "membership selection is ritual." It seems almost disrespectful to be throwing the word ritual around to apply to the kinds of things that go on in membership selection. From where I stand, ritual isn't just another word for 'secret' or 'private,' it refers to a specific set of very important ideas and actions, of which voting (and whatever malicious and judgemental things may or may not go on during MS) are not a part.

kddani · #14 05-15-2007, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GDIfly

Thank you! It's always bothered me when people around here say "membership selection is ritual." It seems almost disrespectful to be throwing the word ritual around to apply to the kinds of things that go on in membership selection. From where I stand, ritual isn't just another word for 'secret' or 'private,' it refers to a specific set of very important ideas and actions, of which voting (and whatever malicious and judgemental things may or may not go on during MS) are not a part.

That may be true for your org, but you can't speak for all orgs.

33girl · #15 05-15-2007, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

That may be true for your org, but you can't speak for all orgs.

Agreed...some groups may do ritualistic things when voting, some may not. I have no way to know as I've never been in anyone's but my own, so if someone says it's ritual I'll take them at their word. The same goes for chapter meetings - some groups include ritual aspects at them, some do not.