DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by lovelyivy84

How are you expressing this to them would be my main question. A lot of times expressions of sympathy can come across as condescending (ever had a white person tell you that they're really "down"- you know what I mean). It could be that is how it comes across sometimes, but you seem pretty clear in your meaning so I wonder.

I get what you mean. I don't know; what I say is often taken a different way than I meant it (more sarcastically or meanly--I'm just one of those people ). But when someone says, "Nubian queens are beautiful" and I say "Yes, we are!" women just stare at me like a white girl said it! They say I'm trying to get praise for looking white AND being black, which couldn't be further from the truth. I don't look white IMO and I'm not mixed, just very light. I don't know why and I can't control it. So why tell me I'm stuck up and think I'm better than everyone else? Since when do you know what I think about myself over a physical trait that I can't control? And why expect me to be flattered over compliments which are really just the opposite? You know, I worked my butt off, going to school full-time, working full-time, and STILL got straight As. So when someone tells me I "look intelligent" because I "look white" and ignores everything else I just did.... I spent an entire childhood never getting to interact with people of my own color except for my family or church members. So when I came to a black college, I was excited to learn my history, to be with my own people. Then I got here and, for 4 years, have dealt with being told I don't belong. It's not everyone, but it's enough.

As far as the other thing about the skin color of sorority members...I'll say this. I'm one of the lightest girls in my class. I was asked whether I'm an AKA probably once a week after I got to college and, once people started to know me, maybe once every couple months. Several times, people have admitted that my skin was the only clue they had to go on and still made the assumption. I can't express HOW FREQUENT AND IN HOW MANY WAYS THIS ASSUMPTION IS MADE ABOUT ME. I mean, COME ON, a freshman walked up to me on campus last year and expressed interest to me!!! I have mad respect for the org, but why does A have to equal B? Can I just be me? Is that okay with everybody?

The puzzling part is, it's not just the way I look--several GCers have PMed me asking if I'm an AKA (always either members of other orgs or a nonmember). So if it's possible that women who look white "talk white"...since people have made it up in their minds that there's a way to "look like an AKA" is there a way to "talk/type" like one? Because this stereotype is ridiculous...if I were darker, I bet I wouldn't be getting corned by freshmen.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I mean, COME ON, a freshman walked up to me on campus last year and expressed interest to me!!!

The puzzling part is, it's not just the way I look--several GCers have PMed me asking if I'm an AKA (always either members of other orgs or a nonmember). So if it's possible that women who look white "talk white"...since people have made it up in their minds that there's a way to "look like an AKA" is there a way to "talk/type" like one?

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

[unspokenone25]

^^
Word.

[lovelyivy84]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

Well that answers my questions on how the poster might be coming across right there. Oh dear.

[SummerChild]

Ha! Soror RD holding it down as usual.
I'm out. LOL.
SC

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

If you'd like to PM me with examples of commenting on things that I shouldn't, I'd like to see them, b/c I don't think I've done that intentionally or even unintentionally often enough to merit people asking. I never meant to disrespect anyone. I was highlighting how dumb inferences like that are. Like I said, I have mad respect for the org, but I'm not a part of it and don't see why anyone would think I am, including the implication that I would be mistaken for an AKA because I comment on things that I shouldn't. I'm not being glib, I'm totally for real on this--I'm not saying what you said is not true, I'm saying I don't see it and if you or anyone else thinks I've overstepped, please let me know in what way. I never meant to offend anyone, AKA or otherwise.

Originally Posted by pinkies up

You do know AKA's come in all colors.

Yes, I know that. That was sarcasm, making light of how stupid and untrue these stereotypes are. I thought the would make it plain that I wasn't being serious.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

If you'd like to PM me with examples of commenting on things that I shouldn't, I'd like to see them, b/c I don't think I've done that intentionally or even unintentionally often enough to merit people asking. I never meant to disrespect anyone. I was highlighting how dumb inferences like that are. Like I said, I have mad respect for the org, but I'm not a part of it and don't see why anyone would think I am, including the implication that I would be mistaken for an AKA because I comment on things that I shouldn't. I'm not being glib, I'm totally for real on this--I'm not saying what you said is not true, I'm saying I don't see it and if you or anyone else thinks I've overstepped, please let me know in what way. I never meant to offend anyone, AKA or otherwise.

You must have me mistaken with someone else to assume that I have time to go through your old posts and send you examples of what you say on GC. Last time I checked, YOU posted that people PM YOU asking about your membership in my Sorority. Thus, then, and therefore, OBVIOUSLY you must be saying things that give people that impression, correct?

As I said before, you do the math.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

You must have me mistaken with someone else to assume that I have time to go through your old posts and send you examples of what you say on GC. Last time I checked, YOU posted that people PM YOU asking about your membership in my Sorority. Thus, then, and therefore, OBVIOUSLY you must be saying things that give people that impression, correct?

As I said before, you do the math.

I didn't ask for an in-depth research of everything I've ever said...is that seriously how you took it? I sincerely asked you to let me know what you see that I might be doing to offend you or anyone else so that I can change it and stop giving off the wrong impression unintentionally. If you can't/won't do that, then what was the point of putting me on front street about it? Just to take a stab at me with no constructive intent? I've never known you to do that, but hey, first time for everything. Doesn't change my respect for you, so oh well.

Wheverever you were going with that, I obviously missed the bus, so I say back to our regularly scheduled thread we go...

[RedefinedDiva]

OK, maybe you are not reading my posts well, so I'll break it down.

1. You know that I am an AKA, right? How? Because a) it's has been in my signature or b) because you have read posts with me referencing such.

2. If I didn't have a signature stating my affiliation, then you would have what to go off of? MY WORDS.

3. Hence, people get impressions from what they read when there is no additional supporting evidence. Just like you may have never taken notice of AKA being in my signature, you seem to be pretty aware of my posts to have noticed at one point or another that I stated being a member of AKA or may have spoken in a matter-of-fact fashion about AKA or greek life in general.

4. Therefore, those persons that contacted you about being a member of my Sorority must have gotten the impression from the way you speak, be it about an affiliation or in a matter-of-fact tone.

You are trying to make this situation about me and you, but it's not. I don't have to try to put you on blast. You brought it up. Did you really expect me (or any of my other Sorors, for that matter) to not say something about it? I am stating to you why some PEOPLE would assume that you are a member of my Sorority. I don't have to document nor fish through all 976 of your posts to pinpoint specific instances. How about you contact those persons who PMed you and ask THEM WHAT gave THEM the impression that you were an AKA and let me know.

[christiangirl]

prettybreak1908--one of my classmates did a study on Black college students and how they feel about skin color. The majority of men were more likely to date a light sister than a darker one and the majority of women didn't have a preference. There were other factors measured; I can tell you more about it if you're interested.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by prettybreak1908

Yes, the Color Complex is still a issue in the Black community although it is often ignored. I was a victim of the complex and I think that it has made me into the person I am now.

Ditto! it is still an issue in my extended family--especially among the older folks

I would love to see your research too

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by SummerChild

And incidentally, I don't recall who posted that men tend to prefer lighter women.

That was me

Originally Posted by christiangirl

prettybreak1908--one of my classmates did a study on Black college students and how they feel about skin color. The majority of men were more likely to date a light sister than a darker one and the majority of women didn't have a preference.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

prettybreak1908--one of my classmates did a study on Black college students and how they feel about skin color. The majority of men were more likely to date a light sister than a darker one and the majority of women didn't have a preference. There were other factors measured; I can tell you more about it if you're interested.

I've seen studies like this before (I'll have to google some sources).

As painful as it is to admit, these stereotypes are still with us today.

[pinkies up]

[/QUOTE]...if I were darker, I bet I wouldn't be getting corned by freshmen. [/QUOTE]

You do know AKA's come in all colors.