North vs South

[alum]

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

ETA: is the Miss Firstname thing even regional within the South? Is it more common in certain places than others?

[PhoenixAzul]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

In my example, the age difference was about thirty or so years. It seemed rude to only call them by first name, and yet the cultural of the place was so informal.

I think there's also a Southern trend to call everyone Aunt, Uncle or Cousin and then first name, even when it's like a second cousin, great aunt etc.

I keep thinking more about this. Why is it only women who get this treatment, usually? Because they're the one's working with kids?

[lillady85]

Ah! I totally agree with the strong handshake suggestion. I know I used to have a wimpy handshake thinking it was more ladylike, but now as I got older I came to see that if I want to be taken as a lady AND serious (not that it can't be done at the same time) I'd need to show some assertiveness in my handshake. I don't think there is a definite difference in between North and south as far as manners go, but there is a point where you wonder, why are these people being so rude (I know I felt that way in NY, no offense)?

end of drunken rambling after not drinking out of a bottle but out of a glass, lol.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.
Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.
But oh god, I agree with the handshake spiel. I always give a firm handshake, it drives me up the wall to shake hands with someone who won't give me the same decency.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

I agree with all of this, at least in that it reflects what I was taught, how I teach my children and what is considered good manners in these parts. I recognize that what is appropriate can vary from place to place, but we live where we live and the things you describe are what is expected for good manners here. (It is, of course, acceptable for a man to shake a lady's hand if she offers it to him, not the other way around.)

Originally Posted by centaur532

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.

Oh, it all depends on who says it. If she (it must be a "she") is old enough to be your grandmother (maybe your mother) and says it to just about everyone, it's fine.

And you left off my favorite -- "shug."

[AlphaFrog]

My mom's neighbor, who's about 3 years younger then me called me "Ma'am". That drives me crazy. I'm not that much elder that he needs to call me ma'am.

Also, I called the girl from my church who babysits for me and her mom answered. Her mom called out "Becky, Mrs. Lastname is on the phone for you". Please, I'm closer to the daughter's age then the mom's age...she doesn't need to call me Mrs.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

I agree. I've had salespeople call me by my first name and it bothers me. Personally, I see it as rude.

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors. Cleveland is certainly not representive of the entire North (or Midwest depending on who you ask) but there was definitely a difference between the way guys act there versus in the South.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors.

I don't get offended by it, but it's confusing and annoying to me when guys are really stubborn about it. If you are a man, and are the closest to the elevator door, blocking my way to the door, for heaven's sakes, get out of the stupid elevator before the thing closes, instead of trying to squirm your "polite" a$$ all over the place so I can get out first! (This has happened to me so many times, and maybe I'm just spoiled or something, but still.)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I don't get offended by it, but it's confusing and annoying to me when guys are really stubborn about it. If you are a man, and are the closest to the elevator door, blocking my way to the door, for heaven's sakes, get out of the stupid elevator before the thing closes, instead of trying to squirm your "polite" a$$ all over the place so I can get out first! (This has happened to me so many times, and maybe I'm just spoiled or something, but still.)

OH MY LORD YES THIS DRIVES ME INSANE. The other day I MADE a bunch of guys get out of the elevator before me - I just refused to move. Doing what you described isn't good manners or common sense, it's stupid.

If guys don't get up/hold doors etc, maybe they've been on the unlucky end of some feminazi who yelled at them for doing it. As far as the bus is concerned, I don't expect guys to stand up for me - they've had a long hard day, too. For the women who are like "but my shooooeess hurt!" well, that's your own dumb fault.

[BeOfService1rst]

Interesting. I do think that regionalisms play a big role in "manners" across geographic areas. I have lived in all of the regions in the United States (except the 'mountain' zone) and have seen it first hand. Some things are universal, but regionalisms cannot be denied by any stretch of the imagination.