Negotiation vs. Settling

Scandia · #1 12-12-2006, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Service is NOT a substitute for love and companionship of a romantic partner. If it were, there would be all-night places to go to teach illiterate adults to read instead of "adult toy stores", LOL.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

As much as I love being a children's librarian, I can NOT use my work with kids to fulfill my emotional needs that long for romantic love.

laylo · #2 12-12-2006, 08:32 PM

I would caution readers about the fact that he was only 21 when he wrote the book. But in defense of Mr. Harris, I really don't think his point was "Read to orphans as a substitute for a relationship". He was saying that too many Christians are so marriage-hungry that they lose focus on their own spiritual lives which, like it or not, are supposed to heavily involve serving others (and service does NOT just mean volunteering). If you aren't in the right place spiritually, you shouldn't be making the most important, intimate, and permanent spiritual union of your life. I check for that.

GeekyPenguin · #3 12-12-2006, 08:41 PM

The problem is that most Christians are so marriage-hungry, period. I think that evangelicals are worse about it than the more mainline denominations, but it's absurd to me to think that I have friends that aren't even 25 who are worried they are going to spend their lives alone because nice girls get married by the time they finish college.

AlexMack · #4 12-12-2006, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

The problem is that most Christians are so marriage-hungry, period. I think that evangelicals are worse about it than the more mainline denominations, but it's absurd to me to think that I have friends that aren't even 25 who are worried they are going to spend their lives alone because nice girls get married by the time they finish college.

So true....so so true. A group of christian teenagers are the most sexually frustrated people on the planet. And they're not supposed to have premarital sex so they try to marry off as early as possible. So many christian couples get engaged in their late teens to early 20s and then start cranking out kids in their early twenties.
Going to a christian college is like the hunt for a husband not for a degree.
As for Joshua Harris...read his follow-up, Boy Meets Girl. Ugh...ugh ugh ugh. Even when I was a christian I found it way too extreme. Now that I've ditched it completely I find it even more out there, and basically a little insulting that there's no way to grow together emotionally etc. if you're physically involved. Sorry but that's so not true, unless you're truly controlled by your pants.

tunatartare · #5 12-12-2006, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

The problem is that most Christians are so marriage-hungry, period. I think that evangelicals are worse about it than the more mainline denominations, but it's absurd to me to think that I have friends that aren't even 25 who are worried they are going to spend their lives alone because nice girls get married by the time they finish college.

The same is true for Orthodox Jews. An Orthodox friend of mine who is about a year younger than I am got married and moved to Israel two years ago. She wasn't even legally old enough to drink at her own wedding. I saw her over the summer at her younger sister's wedding. She already has one child with another on the way. She just kinda looked at me like "and what have you been doing with your life?" Having fun.

AKA_Monet · #6 12-13-2006, 04:03 AM

Scandia,

You need to know how to be married if you want to get married.

"I kissed dating goodbye" is okay, but not as helpful to getting married. It is pretty much you ought not have a list and accept the "one" God lead's you to...

Now, if you get an a$$hole, then you probably pushed it and ran up under a guy who does not LOVE you.

A man who loves you will do unbelievable things. I am not talking about psychopathic stalking domestic violence abusers. I am talking about when a man loves a woman or whatever your persuasion... When he does and marriage is what you want, then those are things you don't have to ask for, it will just happen... Almost like magic...

The best you can do is to be in spiritual sync and breathe... Prepare for your mate...

And it is more about collaboration than compromise. You make it all compromise--give & take, the seeds of resentment set in... Make it a collaborative effort, and see how far you both go...

And as for settling... I settled down. I used to partay like a freak, 8 days a week, 25 hours a day... But being with my husband, has calmed my Sith Lord capabilities...

And I can become the Jedi I always wanted to be...

Whatever you do, know and do you...

Kevin · #7 12-13-2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

SA man who loves you will do unbelievable things. I am not talking about psychopathic stalking domestic violence abusers.

I can't believe you'd be so judgmental. Psychopathic stalking domestic violence abusing is how some of us show our love.

Scandia · #8 12-13-2006, 11:01 PM

I honestly think the reason why some (not all) Christians in their 20s are so marriage hungry is because we want to satisfy our sexual drives and longings in a legitimate way. Some of us don't even need the church mores and commandments (or the statistics, or consequences and scares that happen to friends) in order to avoid premarital sex- we just feel too uncomfortable with it by nature.

I don't want kids. I don't want a picket fence- or even a single family home to be honest. I don't want to become a soccer mom. I seek my own status as an individual and do not want to simply become "Mrs. Such and Such". I just want someone to love in a romantic way- with all that it entails- and that our relationship is blessed and approved by God.

AlexMack · #9 12-14-2006, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

I can't believe you'd be so judgmental. Psychopathic stalking domestic violence abusing is how some of us show our love.

Nothing says I love you like a restraining order!

valkyrie · #10 12-14-2006, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

I used to partay like a freak, 8 days a week, 25 hours a day...

I would pay GOOD MONEY to see this. And participate.

And LOL @ CP2000. That's just not as much fun, ever.

CutiePie2000 · #11 12-14-2006, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

And LOL @ CP2000. That's just not as much fun, ever.

Fair enough....

But people needn't think that they are without options here....

AKA_Monet · #12 12-16-2006, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I would pay GOOD MONEY to see this. And participate.

Just hope you keep up... Try out-drinking Ouzo with a Cajun... That's a hard feat... Boy, did my stomach have it's revenge on me the next day, not to mention my head...

And let's not talk about "thangs" I did in high school--some um, 28957980 years ago... I must have given one of my best "Christian Values" speeches after my Senior Prom... I'll just say I experimented with some "stuh"... I was a stoopid kid.

Kevin · #13 12-13-2006, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

The problem is that most Christians are so marriage-hungry, period. I think that evangelicals are worse about it than the more mainline denominations, but it's absurd to me to think that I have friends that aren't even 25 who are worried they are going to spend their lives alone because nice girls get married by the time they finish college.

Visit Oklahoma sometime.