Negotiation vs. Settling

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you get that kind of pressure on a regular basis, you need to find other types of people to surround yourself with.

Sometimes church/religious organizations tend to use the whole "fullfill yourself through service" as fallback advice to singles (like the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" book). I think it's hard for religious orgs. to "promote" or advise dating, especially given that modern adult dating isn't the chastest of institutions. So the church advice is really nonadvice: they're essentially saying "Well....do some service to fulfill you until you can find someone who will fulfill you." I think that sentiment is okay for very young singles -- who will probably find someone soon anyway -- but I can imagine how frustrating that would be if that's the ONLY advice you've been given in ten or fifteen years of searching for a partner.

Unfortunately for Scandia, if this pressure is coming from her church (which I'm assuming is very important to her), it would be virtually inescapable.
Scandia's age and the fact that she's never married makes her a rare breed, especially in a religious organization. The Joshua Harrises of the world are giving this advice and service-as-partner-replacement nonsense to older teens and people in their early twenties who make up the majority of the never-married church singles population, not grown-ass women like Scandia.

So correct me if I'm wrong, Scandia, but I think you can safely ignore the pressure to fulfill yourself through service, as it isn't exactly directed at someone in your relatively rare circumstance. If you're actually having people directly tell you to get out there and to give to others through service in lieu of finding a man then

[Scandia]

33girl- well, the pressure is not as direct anymore. Possibly because I am not really in a certain cultural area of the nation, or possibly because the church I attend now is more enlightened. But in certain places, it was almost like serving others was the penalty singles paid for being unattached. I am glad your mother disagreed with your cousin's wife- how rude and entitled of her to think that singles have nothing to do other than serve people.

AChiOhSnap- well, I did not think that being unmarried at 29 was that super rare. But I have found activities and endeavors that fulfill me quite well. Too bad they are selfish ones like traveling to historical places and getting an advanced degree. I did resent being told to serve even as a teen and college student- so it may be my personality. Conversely, a happily married friend of mine volunteers at a soup kitchen and says she receives more from it than what she gives. I have told her how much I admire her for that.

Kevin- well, my adolescence may be nearly over, but I look much younger than my age. A person that makes me happy will fulfill certain requirements- but it is not like I want a professional athlete or someone with a sports car or a GQ model.