Lame?

valkyrie · #1 07-17-2006, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

The right person is who I can see myself having a long term future with, which I suppose would be marriage. If I can't see myself marrying the person then why should I act like it? (Again, coming from my own personal values)

Outside of religious reasons....the world is a dangerous place and I feel that I need to be wise on whom I choose to have sex with. And I would feel more comfortable asking someone who I've been with for awhile to take an STD test than a short term hook up. Also as a young African-American male, I refuse to become another pregnacy and/or AIDS statistic...there are things that i want to do with my life and right now I feel that having a child would slow me down. Lastly, I like the values that I currently have in referance to choosing the right mate and wouldn't want my potential reaction to sex to negatively impact that. Sex is not the center of my standards in women and I don't want it to be. In general I seek to be different than the average person because I like to stand out...but at times it can be a lonely experience (which I expressed in my 2nd post).

Although I think your desire to avoid STDs and pregnancy is admirable, there's a lot of ground between the person you're going to marry and a random hookup.

That said, if I were 21, I would find the concept of the "right person" terrifying, because at 21, that was possibly the last thing on my mind. I don't think most 21-year-olds are thinking about finding the "right person." Also, I would suspect that most people who have that mindset have it as the result of long-term Christian values -- fine if that's your thing, but it's not something that I would find appealing in a guy.

Also, and I don't think anyone else has mentioned this -- to many, many, many people, sex is very, very, very important. Some people have good, um, chemistry -- and some don't. If sex is very important to a person, he or she might not think it's a good idea to wait a long time to have sex with someone -- if it's terrible, you've wasted a lot of time. Of course, that's not true if you don't consider sex to be very important -- and I'd wager that most people who don't consider sex important have never had it, have had bad sex, or just don't have much a sex drive.

AKΨ_BRO@DSU · #2 07-17-2006, 11:23 PM

Well its hard for me to comment on the majority of the last part of your post due to my inexperience, but I do agree that sex does seem to be very, very, very important to a lot of people and that's why I said in the beginning being different can suck sometimes. There is no standard 21 year old state of mind...in fact I have friends in serious long term relationships. I guess if we were to look at it the way you stated though, you could say that I'm ahead of my time perhaps or just unique (which what I seek to be). Why wouldn't you find a guy with Christian values appealing?

valkyrie · #3 07-18-2006, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

Why wouldn't you find a guy with Christian values appealing?

Well, I personally don't think there's any such thing as "god," so I'd have a hard time being in a serious relationship with someone who did and who lived his life accordingly. Of course, I'm in the minority in this country in that respect, so my opinion isn't terribly relevant to you.

Drolefille · #4 07-18-2006, 12:20 AM

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class

valkyrie · #5 07-18-2006, 12:32 AM

WTF? He asked for opinions. He's getting them. What's the problem? If he's bothered by what anybody is saying, he's perfectly capable of saying so himself.

It's great if you think that "Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur." It's not great if you're going to blast people for giving opinions that were REQUESTED because you're defensive. If you're not defensive, why else would you respond like this? Everybody has an opinion on the issue of sex/drinking/drug use and in this thread, people have expressed those opinions. Why go into attack mode?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class

Drolefille · #6 07-18-2006, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

WTF? He asked for opinions. He's getting them. What's the problem? If he's bothered by what anybody is saying, he's perfectly capable of saying so himself.

It's great if you think that "Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur." It's not great if you're going to blast people for giving opinions that were REQUESTED because you're defensive. If you're not defensive, why else would you respond like this? Everybody has an opinion on the issue of sex/drinking/drug use and in this thread, people have expressed those opinions. Why go into attack mode?

Because I feel like you guys are on the attack for someone who chooses not to do the same thing you do. I feel like the judging is hypocritical. For someone to get all uptight about a guy not having sex, and be offended if anyone questions if what they do is right.... is just silly.

I blame extra anger on the lack of sleep...but..

The long term relationship thing isn't really a belief. We studied this stuff in my psych class. Psychology is never definate like "hard" science, but it does show trends and such. Hence my statements on vulnerability, etc...

I notice people who tend to get upset about those who Don't drink/do drugs/have sex, seem to think that by the very nature of someone NOT doing these things, THEY are being judged... so they go on the defensive.

kddani · #7 07-18-2006, 09:53 AM

He asked a question with very few details. We answered. He then asked why. We answered. It seemed to be a decent conversation until the those-who-shall-post-in-every-single-thread club-and-turn-it-into-their-own-thread decided to show up.

Dionysus · #8 07-18-2006, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class

Ummm...calm down chica. lol

But, I do agree that sex is one of the most vulnerable moments in your life, where you don't have much control. So is being high or wasted. Or flying, lol.

AlphaFrog · #9 07-18-2006, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class

Do we really need to paste a disclaimer at the top of all of our posts saying "THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION"?? Is it really that hard to recognize??

PhoenixAzul · #10 07-18-2006, 09:30 AM

Nope, not at all.

I do not drink (have never drank), do not smoke (have never smoked) and do not do drugs. My boyfriend is the same exact way. A lot of my friends are the same exact way. It isn't a religious conviction, more subculture movement, called Straightedge (sXe or Straight Edge or xStraightxEdgex or one of a million other ways to put it). Rather than get into the long, drawn out explaination, here's the simplified version from wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_edge

Everyone's got their own reasons for their actions. My claiming Straightedge has been a guiding force in my life...the people I've met through edge and punk have been incrdibly supportive through some of the lowest points of my life. In many ways, it was that fraternity that made me the way I am.

.."two roads diverged in a wood, and I? I took the one less traveled by."

KSig RC · #11 07-18-2006, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class

LOL.

-RC
--Trust me, you don't want to get academic with me, sister!

Drolefille · #12 07-18-2006, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSig RC

LOL.

-RC
--Trust me, you don't want to get academic with me, sister!

Don't laugh at me... you'll be a thread ruin-er too!

ZOMG RUN FOR THE HILLS!

AlphaFrog · #13 07-18-2006, 10:52 AM

Does that mean I can laugh at you, because I'm already a thread ruin-er?

Hahahaha.

KSig RC · #14 07-18-2006, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Don't laugh at me... you'll be a thread ruin-er too!

ZOMG RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Note that I was also laughing because your post read like a justification for your own decisions . . . just saying.

Seriously, I took the OP's posts as consistently 'defending' his own status, even when he wasn't 'under fire' - from that regard, I can see where people may get to the word 'preachy,' know what I mean? Past that, I think Marie is right - some will be OK with it, many will not. The OP said it himself: sex is important to some people, and it's universally considered a key factor in relationship viability (again, from an academic standpoint) - for that reason, I think you're going to have to actively seek out those you're looking for.

That's good, though - it's not the kill, it's the thrill of the chase.