Lame?

[AKΨ_BRO@DSU]

To both responses:

Well don't you think that that's an unfair assumption about the person? I mean realistically the guy probably isn't expecting you to be a virgin, just at least not a ho. If you were in to the guy too (him as a person), then why couldn't you respect the fact that he chooses to wait, just like he respects the fact that you didn't decide to? And its another unfair assumption to assume the guy is "super religious" (whatever that means) just because he's a virgin. He could just be waiting for the right person and hasn't found her yet.

Would it be wrong for me to assume based off of your responses that sex is a major concern that you associate with the guys you go out with?

[OtterXO]

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

To both responses:

Well don't you think that that's an unfair assumption about the person? I mean realistically the guy probably isn't expecting you to be a virgin, just at least not a ho. If you were in to the guy too (him as a person), then why couldn't you respect the fact that he chooses to wait, just like he respects the fact that you didn't decide to? And its another unfair assumption to assume the guy is "super religious" (whatever that means) just because he's a virgin. He could just be waiting for the right person and hasn't found her yet.

Would it be wrong for me to assume based off of your responses that sex is a major concern that you associate with the guys you go out with?

What is a ho to you (just out of curiousity)? I think that *typically* most people who have chosen to wait are more judgmental about that type of stuff. I'm not saying you are, but you asked a hypothetical question and we're giving our answers.

As for the religiousness part, *typically* (again) people who choose to wait do so for religious reasons....which wouldn't really mesh well with me because I don't consider myself to be very religious.

I think it's a fair assumption that sexual compatibility is important to me...that's not the only thing I worry about but if I'm going to be with someone forever I want to enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship

[AKΨ_BRO@DSU]

Originally Posted by OtterXO

What is a ho to you (just out of curiousity)? I think that *typically* most people who have chosen to wait are more judgmental about that type of stuff. I'm not saying you are, but you asked a hypothetical question and we're giving our answers.

As for the religiousness part, *typically* (again) people who choose to wait do so for religious reasons....which wouldn't really mesh well with me because I don't consider myself to be very religious.

I think it's a fair assumption that sexual compatibility is important to me...that's not the only thing I worry about but if I'm going to be with someone forever I want to enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship

The last part is understandable, but I wanted to know if its so important that it can't be over looked for you. A ho (in my opinion) is a male or female who randomly hooks up with people with no strings attached on a frequent basis. Have you ever given more than one abstainant person a chance to date you to form that opinion?

[OtterXO]

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

The last part is understandable, but I wanted to know if its so important that it can't be over looked for you. A ho (in my opinion) is a male or female who randomly hooks up with people with no strings attached on a frequent basis. Have you ever given more than one abstainant person a chance to date you to form that opinion?

Well, I've dated a couple guys who didn't wait until they were married but felt a great deal of guilt because they didn't. One of them went far enough to say that he felt guilty for "acting like [he] was married". This guy was 31. Personally, it was just a bit too much for me. I don't have any guilt about my sexual past and I don't really need someone to try to make me feel guilty about it. So, like I said, in my experience people in that situation are generally not compatible with me.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

Well don't you think that that's an unfair assumption about the person? I mean realistically the guy probably isn't expecting you to be a virgin, just at least not a ho. If you were in to the guy too (him as a person), then why couldn't you respect the fact that he chooses to wait, just like he respects the fact that you didn't decide to? And its another unfair assumption to assume the guy is "super religious" (whatever that means) just because he's a virgin. He could just be waiting for the right person and hasn't found her yet.

Questions for you:

What does "right person" mean? Is this the person you are going to marry, or something less?

What reason, outside of religious reasons, motivates you to wait for the right person?

[AKΨ_BRO@DSU]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Questions for you:

What does "right person" mean? Is this the person you are going to marry, or something less?

What reason, outside of religious reasons, motivates you to wait for the right person?

The right person is who I can see myself having a long term future with, which I suppose would be marriage. If I can't see myself marrying the person then why should I act like it? (Again, coming from my own personal values)

Outside of religious reasons....the world is a dangerous place and I feel that I need to be wise on whom I choose to have sex with. And I would feel more comfortable asking someone who I've been with for awhile to take an STD test than a short term hook up. Also as a young African-American male, I refuse to become another pregnacy and/or AIDS statistic...there are things that i want to do with my life and right now I feel that having a child would slow me down. Lastly, I like the values that I currently have in referance to choosing the right mate and wouldn't want my potential reaction to sex to negatively impact that. Sex is not the center of my standards in women and I don't want it to be. In general I seek to be different than the average person because I like to stand out...but at times it can be a lonely experience (which I expressed in my 2nd post).

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

Arg.

NonDrinker: Sorry, but I've noticed that the majority of the time they act like they are more superior than others. Plus, I like to go out ever so often and drink, just wouldn't work with my lifestyle.

NonDruggie: Don't mind this.

Virgin: Err....no. I figure that once a guy gets the "taste" of it, he's gonna want to sow his seeds and not stay faithful.

[AKΨ_BRO@DSU]

Originally Posted by Rio_Kohitsuji

A
Virgin: Err....no. I figure that once a guy gets the "taste" of it, he's gonna want to sow his seeds and not stay faithful.

Wow! That's the first time, I've heard that reason. What causes you to draw that conclusion? Because I've heard more people say the opposite...the guy would end up becoming to clingy.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Rio_Kohitsuji

Virgin: Err....no. I figure that once a guy gets the "taste" of it, he's gonna want to sow his seeds and not stay faithful.

I beg to differ!

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

The right person is who I can see myself having a long term future with, which I suppose would be marriage. If I can't see myself marrying the person then why should I act like it? (Again, coming from my own personal values)

Outside of religious reasons....the world is a dangerous place and I feel that I need to be wise on whom I choose to have sex with. And I would feel more comfortable asking someone who I've been with for awhile to take an STD test than a short term hook up. Also as a young African-American male, I refuse to become another pregnacy and/or AIDS statistic...there are things that i want to do with my life and right now I feel that having a child would slow me down. Lastly, I like the values that I currently have in referance to choosing the right mate and wouldn't want my potential reaction to sex to negatively impact that. Sex is not the center of my standards in women and I don't want it to be. In general I seek to be different than the average person because I like to stand out...but at times it can be a lonely experience (which I expressed in my 2nd post).

Although I think your desire to avoid STDs and pregnancy is admirable, there's a lot of ground between the person you're going to marry and a random hookup.

That said, if I were 21, I would find the concept of the "right person" terrifying, because at 21, that was possibly the last thing on my mind. I don't think most 21-year-olds are thinking about finding the "right person." Also, I would suspect that most people who have that mindset have it as the result of long-term Christian values -- fine if that's your thing, but it's not something that I would find appealing in a guy.

Also, and I don't think anyone else has mentioned this -- to many, many, many people, sex is very, very, very important. Some people have good, um, chemistry -- and some don't. If sex is very important to a person, he or she might not think it's a good idea to wait a long time to have sex with someone -- if it's terrible, you've wasted a lot of time. Of course, that's not true if you don't consider sex to be very important -- and I'd wager that most people who don't consider sex important have never had it, have had bad sex, or just don't have much a sex drive.

[AKΨ_BRO@DSU]

Well its hard for me to comment on the majority of the last part of your post due to my inexperience, but I do agree that sex does seem to be very, very, very important to a lot of people and that's why I said in the beginning being different can suck sometimes. There is no standard 21 year old state of mind...in fact I have friends in serious long term relationships. I guess if we were to look at it the way you stated though, you could say that I'm ahead of my time perhaps or just unique (which what I seek to be). Why wouldn't you find a guy with Christian values appealing?

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by AKΨ_BRO@DSU

Why wouldn't you find a guy with Christian values appealing?

Well, I personally don't think there's any such thing as "god," so I'd have a hard time being in a serious relationship with someone who did and who lived his life accordingly. Of course, I'm in the minority in this country in that respect, so my opinion isn't terribly relevant to you.

[Drolefille]

The funny thing is that a lot of people are claiming that sober virgins are preachy and judgemental. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. He has not presented himself as judgemental, though you jumped on one phrase in ONE reply. Yet you are judging him and people like him!

Hello!
Logic train.. it went that way.. hop on board.

Assuming that any 21 year old who's a virgin is gay, repressed, hyper-religious, or going to hump anything that moves after the first time is STUPID.

Just as you would hope a guy you meet wouldn't look at your sexual past and go "UGH" you really shouldn't do the same to him.

Seeing yourself in a long term relationship is exactly when sex should occur. Sex is basically the most vulnerable moment in your life. The time when a laugh can crush you, and when you are emotionally and physically naked in front of your partner. There's no way in HELL I'm doing that with someone I don't trust completely.

And if I broke up with my current long term boyfriend, I would have to get to know someone very well before I'd take that chance.

/Your results may vary
//Psychology of Sex is a FUN class