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Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?
Honestly, reading your lengthy posts several times, I'm thinking that you are holding on to something that would be best let go as it is in the past, and needs to stay there. No one saw it the way you wanted at the time; no one agreed with you, and you are struggling with that still.
I think Sen's advice was excellent and hope that you will find your way to a place where you can enjoy your membership the way he outlined it.
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"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." Bertrand Russell, The Triumph of Stupidity
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