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I'm getting married in a little under 2 months(!!) and I'm also a bridesmaid for my Big's wedding in the fall.
My four bridesmaids (my biological/Kappa sister, my Big, one of my Littles, and another close friend/Kappa sister) are all young professionals and grad students with very little money to burn. We also all live in different parts of the country. So, I'm doing everything I can to make it as affordable as possible. We ordered dresses on Etsy for $125 apiece, and I'm giving them their jewelry and paying for their updos. They can pick their shoes and do their own makeup if they wish. Since the wedding is at a family property I have arranged for them (and their dates) to stay in guest rooms and we will take care of transportation to and from the airport.
The shower is being thrown by my family in another state and it's optional for them to attend. Because of the cost for all of us to do a destination bachelorette we are all coming out a few days early for the wedding weekend and doing a low-key girls night a few days before the wedding because that's what worked best for everyone.
Would I have liked to have a big bachelorette weekend somewhere? Sure! But I would have felt awful feeling like I was putting all of them out for cash they don't have, and what we have planned now will be tons of fun. Honestly, I wish I could have covered more of their expenses but I can't swing it.
For the wedding I'm a bridesmaid in the situation is similar: geographically spread out young professionals and college students with not much to spend. We'll all be traveling for both the wedding and a bachelorette weekend a few months prior, but the bride and MOH have been very sensitive to issues of cost. One of the bridesmaids straight up told everyone she doesn't have the cash to cover the bride's expenses for the bachelorette so the rest of the 'maids are working on covering her portion. It was awkward, but at least it's an open conversation among reasonable adults. No one is demanding that people spend beyond their means.
Those are my most recent experiences. ASTalumna, I can't fathom why a bride would demand that her closest friends spend themselves into a hole... I would be mortified to put the friends I care about most in a situation like that. Is she aware that this is a stretch for you? If not, would you feel comfortable talking to her or the MOH about it?
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