Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
For me, it's a lot more than just "chemistry". I just like to make sure that what I'm feeling is real, and not just lust based on good "physical chemistry". I don’t base it just on chemistry after a few dates, because mutual attraction (to me) and/or being deeply in like, neither of these will last past the first major conflict. This is why I do my homework, which takes time. To me, love is not controlled by emotion/chemistry. Contrary to popular thought, I believe love is driven by the decisions of the people involved. Although, I believe that similarities are important, love or how you feel about that person is ruled by the strength of your commitment to your partner, not by what he does or says to stimulate it. While love can grow or diminish based upon what each partner does, I think its consistency should remain grounded in your decision to love, not just based on "chemistry". Love requires you to use your mind as well as your heart. Just because you felt "chemistry" and have committed to each other does not guarantee the relationship will last if you and your partner don’t work at maintaining what you started. Love (to me) isn’t sustained my chemistry, it is maintained by the little things you did, and the way you treated each other when you were still trying to impress/win each other. I just think that it's those little things that you did in the beginning (and continuing to do those things) that establish strong connections and keep love grounded.
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Hey Cheerful, I feel you on some things, but it's pretty much all about chemistry. If you don't have that, how do you expect it to work? You feel me? I see your point, but you can't have friendship, attraction, or a decent relationship without chemistry. You see where I'm coming from?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AGDee
I agree that chemistry/attraction is only one part of the equation, but I also think it is a necessary part of the equation. I believe you need attraction, love and friendship all rolled up into one. Without any of the three, it won't work. The love I refer to is love born of respect, thoughtfulness, commitment (true commitment of the heart, not just saying "we are exclusive") and kindness. The friendship is enjoying doing activities together, communicating well, and sharing common ambitions.
My first marriage was missing love, which led to abusiveness. My second marriage was missing chemistry and love, which led to boredom and resentment. I won't settle for less than all of the above, because it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.
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I feel you on this. I think chemistry covers most of what is needed for a relationship to be successful. I've met females who I thought were fine as hell, but beyond the physical attraction, we just weren't feeling each other. The chemistry just wasn't there. I feel what you're saying.
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