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Dear Uterus,
I thought we had resolved this issue. You get five days a month to make life miserable, and five days only. Your five days for March start next week. Why in hell did you decide to start this today? Your sense of timing is mortifying at best (Yes, I still remember prom!) but this is just cruel. If this bs continues; I may have to take some serious measures. Consider yourself warned. Stick to your five days, the rest of the month belongs to me.
Abide by my conditions or GTFO,
Yours Sincerely,
A very bloated, emotional, and crampy Strawberry.
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