another wedding thread...bridesmaids questions

[ASTalumna06]

A question for those of you who have been bridesmaids, and for those of you who have had bridesmaids at your own wedding:

How much money do you think a bridesmaid should spend on a wedding?

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up in September. I live in TX, and the bride (and the wedding) are in NH. All of the bridesmaids are out-of-state, and the MOH is the only one who also lives in NH (there are a total of 8 of us). Most of us are far enough away where flights will have to be booked to get there.

The bridal shower/bachelorette party is in July. I will have to fly in for that, as well. We've just been informed that we have to cover the cost of the invitations, cake, and decorations for the shower, which is taking place at a nice country club.

We all have different dresses, but all of them were over $200. They were ordered from a bridal shop that is only in NH and they're being delivered there. So during the shower/party weekend, I have to find time to get to the store and try on my dress, which I'm pretty sure won't fit anyway (they don't design the dress specifically to your measurements). And the store doesn't do alterations, so I'll probably have to drag the dress back to TX, have it altered, then ship it back to NJ where my parents can watch over it until the wedding weekend. We've also been asked to buy a certain color shoe, even though the dresses are floor-length, and no one will probably see our feet anyway.

Also, the wedding is on a Friday, so I'll have to take an extra day off from work.

Between the dress, shoes, bachelorette party, bridal shower, gifts, hotels, rental cars, flights (for both me and my significant other), I figure I'm already in this thing for at least $3,000.

On top of that, I've had to turn down invites to two other weddings this year because I simply can't afford to attend them.

It just seems like the costs keep piling up. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that this is getting outrageous?

Perhaps it's because I can't even see myself spending $3,000 on my own wedding...