The ramblings of a single woman... (TFKA ...crying pink and green tears...

[Wonderful1908]

How many of you who feel this men despair are single? Sometimes society causes many single people to feel like they are in the outside looking in. Is it really a husband we want or just a happy healty relationship? I have been in a relationship for 5 years, if you would have told me five years ago that I would be with someone for that long without a ring, I would have laughed! However as I mature and become older I realize the importance of a strong relationship that no ring can foster and develop. I wonder do we as women want companionship or a spouse? We often get the two distorted, and begin to believe in order to be happy we need a husband, when in fact what we need is happiness.

[Eclipse]

I know single folks are probably saying to all us married folks that keep replying don't worry.."Yeah, but you already married!", but hear me out.

Marriage is--I guess I should say can be--a wonderful thing. It is also hard. As someone else stated, TOOOOOO many marriages end in divorce, and if you add the bad marriages on top of that it's a wonder anyone is married!!

I have friends who have dealt with infidelity (his part and her part), step children and baby mama/daddy drama, inlaw issues, little/no money, serious illnesses, faith issues, and on and on. If you get married for married's sake and are with the wrong person these things will not only break your marriage, but break you as well!!

My husband's twin sister just got engaged at 35. Her finance is degreed, sweet as pie, not too bad on the eyes and, as a friend of my would say, would drink her dirty bath water! LOL

Maybe we need to set up a dating service on here....hook y'all up with nice eligible men like MandingoNUPE and spinxpoet!! LOL

[SlvrnGold]

It's long, but...Growing While Single
All your life, you had specific dreams about what your family life would be like when you finally married. You were so intent on what you wanted, you even made a list of qualities and characteristics you were looking for in a spouse, in a home, in your job, in your children.
But time passed, and that person you were so intent on didn't come along. All of your friends married, had children, had beautiful homes.
And still, you are single. You prayed and prayed and prayed for that person to come along, but nothing happened. You had a good job. You served in your church. You spent daily time with the Lord in prayer and studying the Word. You dedicated your life to pleasing God in every way possible, but still nothing.
So, you decided to take matters into your own hands, and you began an active search for a mate. And within a short period, you met someone who almost fit the bill. Almost. Sure, there were a few things missing, a few rusty spots in that person's character. But, after all, no one is perfect.
Of course, your friends tried to council you that you were making a poor choice and that you should wait for the Lord to send the right person. But that couldn't be right. You had waited for a long time.
Maybe your goals were too high. Maybe you'd been asking for the impossible. Maybe this was the person God wanted for you so you're character could grow through dealing with his or her shortcomings. So you married. And your life went down hill from there.
Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether it's about a mate, or a job, or our children, or our finances, or anything else, we have to remember that God doesn't wear a watch. Nor does He look at our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes. He operates on an eternal timetable, according to His plan and His schedule. If God seems to be running late, don't get impatient and run ahead of him. Wait for the Lord's timing in EVERYTHING.
To the single folks out there, this is for you.
Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you and God wants you to be.
Single gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it is harder to grow when you are too close to someone. Trees are planted far apart so they can spread their branches and become strong as they mature.
Single means learning to live by yourself.
Single means freedom. You are free to spend a week's vacation on the beach, to take computer courses, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book or simply with a person who has read one.
Single means learning not to need a man/woman to make your life meaningful, but learning to live with a man/woman because you want to be with him/her.
Single means that sometimes you will wonder why you will bite your lip and feel wistful and wonder if marriage is better.
Ironically, single is feeling good about being in control of your life. It is liking and respecting who you are and why you are.
Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better, it is merely different.
Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.
Single means you are free to love again.
Whatever decisions that you have made in your life is part of your growing experience. Whatever decisions that you have to make will influence or affect your future. So think hard before deciding on certain things...and PRAY TO GOD and HE will show you the way!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many of our todays are spoiled by planning for tomorrows.
*********************************************
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.
Proverbs 19:20-21

[sphinxpoet]

Sorors you must remember that Good Brothers are out there it is important to find the one that you can be compatible with. believe me that is more difficult than anything! I dated someone with a child and worked and labored to make sure that the relationship could be kept on even ground(even supported her for a time) and I never regretted doing that but in the end she used me but I took that as a learning experince! Now I will not put myself in that position again in the same way. Sorors don't cry...sisterfriends do not fret! True love comes from internal happiness and then finding someone who shows you love in the way you enjoy it being shown!

E-mail the Sphinxpoet
at
longshot1906@hotmail.com

"Oh Yes, It's True! It's True the Sphinxpoet does have an e-mail address"

[MIDWESTDIVA]

Originally posted by sphinxpoet:
E-mail the Sphinxpoet at longshot1906@hotmail.com

"Oh Yes, It's True! It's True the Sphinxpoet does have an e-mail address"

Ah suki suki na. It's about to be a dating service for real up in here, up in here.

But really, I don't like the male:female ratio in greekchat. Where are the rest of the eligible Alphas, Kappas, Ques, Sigmas and Iotas?

[exquizit]

It's funny that I should come across a thread such as this.I was really thinking about marriage today. I just got a year older yesterday and I felt as though I had nothing accomplished according to my little "Plans". I too wanted to be at least engaged by 25 and in fact, because of that , I've been engaged twice to two totally wrong men! If I'd rushed things I never would have met the man I'm with now. I feel love for the first time, and I know because it's an all over all day feeling.I feel deep in my heart that I'm ready for the commitment that marriage will bring to the two of us, but at the same time I don't want to rush it. I want to marry once, and make that last a lifetime. Mocha, I feel you about how you are with your daughter. I feel tha same way.One things for certain though, I wouldn't change it for the world!

[onesavvydiva]

I Really feel like the baby in here, I am only 20, and every time I talk to my NANA, (my great-grandmother), she asks me have I found a boyfriend yet!!!! I think it is because I am the youngest granchild, and she feels like she is getting old and she wants to see me married off (shes 82). I just had this conversation with her less that 30 minutes ago !

Anyway, I am in agreement, there ought to be a singles connection in here! With sweeties like MandigoNupe and Spinxpoet, we may even get some male participation ! (We don't want 75 women fussing over 3-4 men!!!) LOL

------------------
'Cause I'm a woman,
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Woman
That's me

Maya Angelou

[splendor]

I'm no longer in feeling the shade of blue. I've read all the posts and I just want to say thanks!! The kind word of so many intellegent black women and men was wonderful.

I know that your all right, but there is a deep need for some type of connection of the heart.

I have always experienced things late in life and I hate it. Like for instance it was only 2 years ago that I got a real Valentine gift. That seems insignificant and unreal to a lot of people when I tell them that, but it's true.

I just would like to experience some wonderful moments now instead of the future. So that I can look back on them when I'm older and say my days as a young woman was actually fun.

I probably presented myself to be a weird, lonely, and boring woman. I'm really not .

[serenity_24]

Originally posted by Convinced:
Splendor:

Girl, I feel you! I prayed to God that my boyfriend a couple of years ago was the one, and I asked God that if he wasn't the one, please show me a sign. A couple of weeks later, I saw him leaving the hotel with my best friend's sister. I do know that God answers prayers.

I truly know that God answers prayers. I prayed that God would allow me to be with a young man when I was a junior in high school. He said ok. Throuhgout the relationship, I prayed that we would stay together. He said ok. I prayed again for him to send me a sign that would let me know if I was praying for the right things. He said ok. I found a stash of condoms, some pictures of some girl he had met in college (it was 5 years later by this time), and some jewelery that I knew he didn't buy, all stuffed in his gym bag. I had to then pray not to kill somebody. He said ok.

The moral of this story is to let go and let God. He will provide all your needs and the desires of your heart. Two years ago, I met a man that I know God wanted me to meet. And I have only said one prayer so far, and that is THANK YOU JESUS!!!

[DoggyStyle82]

I truly feel for my Black sistas in search of a meaningful relationship, much less marriage. The deck is truly stacked against you. I never use such weak platitudes such as "just pray about it". Its helpful, but not a satisfying answer. I have many unmarried male friends in their 30's, who are just playing the field with no intention of getting married. They are spoiled with options. My two unmarried sisters have had suitors, but none worth making a lifetime committment for. I'm afraid that they will always be unmarried and childless. Having said that, they are however, happy, content, professional women. My three brothers on the other hand were all married by 26 (and could have married any number of women). I don't believe any Black man that says that he cannot find a quality sister to marry by age 30. A professional, educated Black man with mediocre looks can find more than his share. I would advise any woman seeking marriage to take your time and don't push it. It will happen and come upon you when you're not looking. Take your time and yes, even pray, that someone is worthy to receive the love that only a Black woman can give. Ques have a heart too (never a soft side).

[Convinced]

Boo Hoo Hoo Sorors and Sisterfriends. I have been asked to be in yet another one of my line sisters weddings. This time, I'm the maid-of-honor. I don't understand! I am twenty five years old, have a bachelor's AND a master's degree, I'm professional, make my own money, go to church, I'm charming, and you know I'm pretty Will I ever get a chance to wear a white dress instead of: a rose one, a butter one, .... What's a girl to do? Is anyone else experiencing this lack of a man psychosis?

Convinced
(convinced that I'll be an old maid in a nursing home with a pink and green shawl around my shoulders)


[This message has been edited by Convinced (edited November 29, 2000).]

[Rain Man]

What's up to all in here? As far as myself being in the relationship game, I never was a very good "participant" in that I never had women tearing down my door to kick it with me. I was married for a VERY short time to a single mom which was a disaster. But after I got saved (about 2 years ago), my need and priorities for a wife changed dramatically. Now I am a 27 year old accounting professional about to enter graduate school for an MBA, lives in a brand new house in the 'burbs and goes to church 2-3x a week and NOT ugly. And to think that 2 years ago I was divorced, broken, and bankrupt. But at this point in my life I am not looking for a wife b/c I am just letting God use me His way. Now I do have a woman who is about to move back to Ohio that is interested in a courtship with me, but should something happen, good, bad, or indifferent, that is OK.

God can bless you more effectively when you drop your courtship/engagement/marriage timelines and even certain criteria for a mate (If God sent you a white man, would you feel blessed?). For a long time I had a problem with dating single moms due to my marriage to one. But just last weekend I spent a blessed day with her and her son and that problem no longer exists for me.

My point is, sistas, that God can bless you more effectively when something at one time you really sought after(ie a husband)means nothing to you now.

My .25 cents
Rain Man

[Talaxe]

Ladies, I know how you all feel. I haven't been on a date in three years!! Most of my good friends have been dating their beaus for at least one year, two years and some for three years! I'm one of the worst people to ask for relationship advice but I do have common sense. Sometimes theirs falters when a man is involved. One the same token, I'm not ready to get married either. I'm much too young and I want to complete graduate school first. Currently, I'm an undergraduate and some of my classmates (who are also 21) are already married and are having houses built for when they graduate!

I read some startling news awhile back. A black woman has a 40% of getting married in her lifetime, due to various factors. Personal preferences, lack of eligible black men comparable to black women (we outnumber men 3 to 1) and black women are less likely to date men of another race, which also lowers our chances of marriage in general.

[This message has been edited by Talaxe (edited November 30, 2000).]

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Wonderful1908:
How many of you who feel this men despair are single?

I'm kinda in and kinda out of a relationship, if that EVEN makes any kind of sense! So I guess I'm more unhappy that I'm not super happy in my on-again-off-again relationship than I am unhappy about being lightweight single. I'm not super depressed about the whole ordeal, but I do think about it. Although it gets me down some days, I've pretty much given it to God to let him fix it. I don't have the time or energy to worry about it anymore. The question I'm asking the most lately is:

Is there really a such thing as a soul mate, or do you just make it work with the one you're with?

What do yall think?

[sphinxpoet]

Family!

Things are not as bad as they seem and now with the men popping up in the wood work it is all GOOD!!