Black Men and White Women Is it a Problem?

[theXgirl]

Hmmm, interesting question. Personally, I've dated men of different ethnicities including my own simply because at the time that person had qualities that were appealing to me. We all as human beings have different tastes which doesn't make them right or wrong. My take is as long as the involved couple is doing it for the *right reasons* and they are happy and content with their choice, then it shouldn't matter.Where I live (San Francisco), interracial dating and marriage is quite common and I'm very used to seeing it. I think the bottom line with this issue is that it is a VERY PERSONAL choice and should be so. Not me or anyone else on this planet has the right to tell Kobe who to love and care about. Leave that to his heart.

Recently Kobe Bryant is engaged to marry a women outside of the black race. Many are commenting on his decision. Several Celebrities also tend to marry white women thus investing their monies back into the white community. Is this a problem for black women? I personally don't want any of these men but i always wonder why is it that black women don't seem to be as interested in dating outside of their race as black men are. Do the # of black men marrying white women really hurt us as black women and if so, then why. Just wanted to see what other sisters are thinking about this topic in the year 2000. And what can we do to stop this trend or should we even care?

also white women does it bother you when black women date white men also? just curious to know.

[BlondeChick]

Everyone is free to make their own choices about who they want to date and even marry, regardless of race. This is America people!

Someone's comment in this thread is pretty questionable:
(Many men (particularly weak or insecure ones) don't want a strong woman who can question or even challenge them. They call it "attitude". )

Are you saying white women are NOT "strong women" who don't challenge their men?
Ha! You think only black women are like that??


------------------
Http://www.geocities.com/hotformulab...o_my_world.htm

[This message has been edited by BlondeChick (edited May 23, 2000).]

Blonde Chick the brother didn't say that reread his post so you'll have it in context.

[Determined]

Being a STRONG WOMAN has nothing to do with the color of one's skin, it is all about the MIND. I know several women (black and white) who would "put a man in his place, when he tries to play her", and I know several women (black and white) who would let their man "knock them the hell out" if they were to try to put them in their place. It's all about the mind and how strong that is!!!

As far as black men and white women, as a black woman, I don't really care, AS LONG AS IT IS NOT MY MAN, I could care less who the next sister (black or white) has with her at night. Peace.

Originally posted by BlondeChick:
Everyone is free to make their own choices about who they want to date and even marry, regardless of race. This is America people!

Someone's comment in this thread is pretty questionable:
(Many men (particularly weak or insecure ones) don't want a strong woman who can question or even challenge them. They call it "attitude". )

Are you saying white women are NOT "strong women" who don't challenge their men?
Ha! You think only black women are like that??

[mgdzkm433]

Well, to be honest. I think you have a choice as to who you date. If it's outside your particular race, Great! Love is a wonderful thing and I'm happy that we all feel it. I've dated men outside of my race before. However, I have always found more white men attractive (I am white) than any other race. I don't know why that is, it could be based upon how my parents raised me, the fact that i'm white, or what have you. But I find myself also attracted to a certain type of white men as well. Very tall, thin, and dark hair. I've always seemed to go for that. So maybe it's the fact that I find certian things sexy. I go for tall, thin black me as well, but not as often. So I don't think that I base it on race all that much really, but Characteristics such as what I've mentioned and personality, humor, and intelligence also play a factor in my decision.

I'd like to bring up another factor for this topic. Parents. I've not been able to tell my parents when I've dated a man from another race. It's sad, I know. They believe that we should "stick to our own." They claim that they aren't racist, but that whites should stick with whites. . .etc. etc. So the question is, how do we deal with parents like mine with this issue? What percautions do we take? How do we prepare? Do we take into consideration what our parents think when we look for a mate?

What are your thoughts?

------------------
Mikki Gates
Delta Zeta Alum
Kappa Mu Chapter
Sigma Alpha Iota Alum
Eta Tau Chapter

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

--Julia Roberts
(Steel Magnolias)

Visit me at:
http://homepages.go.com/~dzkm433/index.html
and
http://www.calypso.com/dzkm433/welcomtomyworld.chtml

[shalom]

Personally, I am against interracial dating. I believe that the wounds of slavery and racism are just too deep. I believe in any race dating except blacks and whites.

[babyyblue]

In response to Mikki's question, I have had the same exact problem. I was told by my father that if I ever dated anyone that was not of my same background, I would be disowned. I have found a solution that works, at least for me.

I told my parents, before they met the man in question, that I was seeing someone I really cared about. I let them know that while I did not understand or agree with my fathers viewpoint (my mother does not care) I acknowledged that he had one. I also let him know that I was now an adult. I was treating the situation as an adult and I expected him to do the same. I wanted to be as happy as possible, and this man was so very good to me. I wanted them to meet him and not keep this portion of my life from them. I made a commitment to myself before the discussion that i would not allow it to become confrontational, and I let them know I did not want to fight.

Ya know, I was amazed at how it all went down. He was more receptive than I thought and agreed to meet him. I would love to tell you that my father accepted my boyfriend and all was well, but that is not the case. My father never fully accepted him, but at least we did not fight about it anymore and I was not hiding anything (Mom thought he was great! ). Most of all, my father was cordial to him when they did meet, something I was extremely concerned about.

As for whether or not to take parents feelings into consideration - let them know you are aware of the way they feel, but this is your life you are living, you are not finding a mate for them.

I know a discussion won't solve every problem, but it may help your family to see that there are worthwhile people everywhere and color does not have to be an issue.

well if everyone thought like you guys the world would be a better place indeed. Can you please spread the same wisdom to your peers and families so that everyone can stop looking at race or ethnicity whatever you want to call it in how it we treat and see one another.

[prettygyrl]

I have to agree with Shalom on this one. I do not beleive in interracial dating among whites and blacks. Any other race is fine I suppose. If a Black person knows their history I mean really KNOWS their history and can look A WHITE person in their face I say more power to you. I do not forgive and forget in this case. It was just in the sixties that we were able to sit down in a restaurant or go to school etc. with a white person. So I do not understand why ANY Black person would want one in their bed. It was just a year or two ago two white men tied a Black man up to their truck and rode around until his head fell off! I know a million WHITE and BLACK people will say "well you can not blame all white people some are okay" yea sure but they still are running things and I do blame them cause not much has changed. I ask my Black sisters and brothers what do you REALLY have in COMMON with a White person. Do they feel your pain? Do they understand your plight? Are they trying to make a difference that will benefit you? As far as Kobe I do not know what race his girl is but for famous men and other Black men that date white women........ I will pray one day you wake up and see the light. If you do not then to hell with ya we do not need ya any way. This topic is so deep for me I will not even go out with a mixed guy or a Black guy if I know he has dated a white woman. Black PEOPLE lose my respect when they run back to the "master" looking for love when they need too embrace the love of their own people! That was just my 50 cents

[Jae]

Knowing your history is good, but honestly some of what you said is bullshit. If I don't give a damn what ethnicity the woman I'm dating is then I'm not "running to the master" or however the hell you put it. People like you are just part of the problem so that the world stays segregated and there is always tension between "blacks" and "whites". So if you and all those other closed minded sisters out there don't wanna date this brother because he dated a white girl, then to hell with you! Stop bitching and claiming all the good men are taken and open up your damn minds! I know of at least one girl who wanted to talk to me claiming I was fine and goodlooking until she found out I had dated a white girl...your loss.

[mgdzkm433]

I'm white, and I guess this is what a typical white woman would say, but no, you can't blame me for what my ancestors did. I'm smarter than that, and I have no respect for those that still act that way. My question is, do you consider yourself to be racist toward whites? You obviously have a problem with white people, and that is being predjudice. So how does that make you any better? I'm sorry for what my ancestors have done to your people, but now, you are being hypocritical. I know someone will say that I'm the racist one now that I've said that. Yes, white people through out history have supressed black people, but I as a women am not predjudice against men because they supressed women in the past, and they still are supressing women to this day. I also don't hate people of different religion, even though they have discriminated against me and my ancestors for being pagans. I could have been burned at the stake along with thousands of other women during the burning times. I don't hold that against Christians, because I know now that people are more educated and more intelligent. Many many people feel very sorry for what lies in the past. Don't hold the people today responsible for what the people of yesterday did. Discrimination still happens today, but not just toward black people. It happens toward women, Jews, pagans (witches), asians, etc. etc. as well. I know I will never change your mind, and this is just a lost cause, but think about all the hate that remains in the world because we can't forgive one another. We bring our children into this hate everyday. We should let it go and learn to love one another. Not just whites and blacks, but everyone.

------------------
Mikki Gates
Delta Zeta Alum
Kappa Mu Chapter
Sigma Alpha Iota Alum
Eta Tau Chapter

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

--Julia Roberts
(Steel Magnolias)

Visit me at:
http://homepages.go.com/~dzkm433/index.html
and
http://www.calypso.com/dzkm433/welcomtomyworld.chtml

[kaidi06]

Well said mgdzkm433. Prettygyrl, in a way I understand you in regards to your bitterness about how whites treated us in the past, but you can't dwell on the past. I'm not saying forget about it. What our ancestors went through should never be forgotten. However, the healing should take place now. We shouldn't spend our entire lives scarred and wounded. Let's get up, dust ourselves off, and move on. Now moving on doesn't mean jumping in bed with a white person, but it does mean not continuing to let the past hinder your future. Particularly when it comes to love.

There really are some good whites out there. Don't judge someone on the actions of their ancestors. Judge them for their own actions. How would you like it if a white person mistreated you because in the past they had been robbed by a black person? You'd be pissed. Well you're doing the same thing.

[PositivelyAKA]

Pretty i feel you. But bitterness only hinders us as a people. We can't change the past or make people treat us a certain way today. I gurantee you that the man that God has chosen for you will only have eyes for you, therefore we as black women don't need to be concerned about the few black men that desire white women it is only our own insecurity that makes us feel threatened when really they are no threat at all. We all have preferences and its ok we still have plenty of black men who desire chocolate

prettygyrl wrote:
"Any other race is fine I suppose. If a Black person knows their history I mean really KNOWS their history and can look A WHITE person in their face I say more power to you. I do not forgive and forget in this case."

Did you forget that the majority of people who died while fighting for the freedom of slaves were white? If you are going to judge ALL white people based on history, then you should be grateful that the majority of white people did not believe in slavery. Sure, some white people owned slaves many years ago. Did you know that it was another group of WHITE people who died fighting for slaves to be free? (Yes, I know not only white people died during the civil war - but they were the majority).

How do you determine whose ancestors were bad and whose were good? Are you nice to the white people whose ancestors fought for your freedom but mean to those whose ancestors were confederates? Since they are all white, how could you possibly tell the difference just by the color of their skin? And what about people who are now racists, but their ancestors were not? If you judge white people based on history & not on their own actions, you would need to love the racist whose ancestors died for your freedom.

Did you know that black people had white slaves even before the Americas were discovered? I'm talking about when the moores (did I spell that right) conquered a part of italy, made many of the people slaves and tried to breed out the italian blood by raping the italian women. I guess this makes all black people bad now, doesn't it?

prettygyrl wrote:
"just a year or two ago two white men tied a Black man up to their truck and rode around until his head fell off"

I'm sure the vast majority of ALL PEOPLE would agree that this was a horrible crime regardless of who committed it. Did you know that 'just a year or two ago' a white man was beat to death by a mob of black people after getting in a car accident? They were the judge, jury & executioner. But I guess that is okay with you prettygyrl, the guy who was killed was white.

prettygyrl, I make this easy for you:

Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Not all white people are bad. Not all white people are good. Not all black people are bad. Not all black people are good. Not all little green men will melt you with their lasergun. My point? Stop looking at the colors and start looking at the actions. Stop standing in the way of social progress and instead become a part of it.