What defines a helicopter parent?

[AGDee]

Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance.

[AOII Angel]

LOL...I took the quiz for my mom who was overly protective as a parent. It said, "Get more involved." ha ha. This for the woman who would only let us choose one of five majors because the others weren't practical! I think we turned out just right.

[Munchkin03]

I answered it as my parents--and they scored a great big "Get More Involved."

I think my dad would have been a helicopter parent if my mom had let him. He's pretty protective and asks a lot of questions--but sometimes it's a good thing. One of my older sisters was diagnosed with pretty advanced cancer late last year--within a week, he had flown to where she was. I think if my mom was involved, she would have made him wait it out a minute.

[ree-Xi]

A few months ago, someone I know posted a very public diatribe (on Facebook) about some "mean girls" who were teasing her 14-year old daughter. Her daughter was on a bus riding to an "away" sports event, and a few of the other girls were making fun of her. Her daughter's friend, who had been sitting next to her, got up from her seat and sat with the "mean girls". Her daughter started to cry on bus and sat by herself on the way home.

The mother tells the story, and finished with "THESE GIRLS BETTER WATCH THEIR BACKS!! They have pissed off a mama bear!!! I HATE GIRLS LIKE THAT!!"

Now, I don't have tolerance for bullying, and I hate to see any kid ostracized and made fun of, but really? Do you think that this is going to help your kid?

To make matters worse, more then ten other people commented in similar fashion "Nobody better bother -----", "I'll come and teach those kids a lesson", and "what are their dads' names? I happen to know a guy that would be happy to pay their dads a little visit!!!

FWAP! FWAP! indeed!

[33girl]

OMG. Speaking of Facebook. This isn't "helicoptering" per se, but it just makes my skin crawl. Parents posting REALLY embarassing or unflattering pics of their kids. I don't mean prom pics that the kids will be saying in 20 years "why the hell did I wear that?" For example, one of my HS friends posted pictures of her daughter laying in her bed at the hospital while she was ill!! Needless to say she looked like hell. Some other parents have posted similar things. Don't they realize these will be on the internet for all time? I mean, I would be MORTIFIED if my mother even took such a picture, let alone showed it to 300 of her closest friends.

This makes me think that the parents have a problem separating themselves - like they just think of the child as an extension of themself, not as an individual person.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OMG. Speaking of Facebook. This isn't "helicoptering" per se, but it just makes my skin crawl. Parents posting REALLY embarassing or unflattering pics of their kids. I don't mean prom pics that the kids will be saying in 20 years "why the hell did I wear that?" For example, one of my HS friends posted pictures of her daughter laying in her bed at the hospital while she was ill!! Needless to say she looked like hell. Some other parents have posted similar things. Don't they realize these will be on the internet for all time? I mean, I would be MORTIFIED if my mother even took such a picture, let alone showed it to 300 of her closest friends.

This makes me think that the parents have a problem separating themselves - like they just think of the child as an extension of themself, not as an individual person.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

[BAckbOwlsgIrl]

Yes, I know that this thread is bashing heli-moms.

<STANDS UP>
I LOVE MY HELI-MOM.
She drove the miles down with me to college and stayed with me during RUSH. Being ill, she gave me a break and made sure that I was rested.
When I found out at the last minute about international travel, ironically, I was ill, she typed my application after I wrote my essay. My Dad proof read too.

Yes, she can and is OVERBEARING. She is pushy. She thinks that she knows everything.
And yes, I agree with her to shut her up.
BUT I HEART MY HELI-MOM.
She has never called my boss.
In my first job, she made a gourmet chowder for Christmas potluck that I passed off as my own. I got on the bosses good side.

And yes, sometimes, I let her do heli-things because it makes her feel better. There are times, when I have put her in her place or laugh at her. Laughter and humor make things better. "Yes, Mom, I could do that job as well as prime minister and solve world hunger" or simply, "Sounds great Mom, why don't you do it?"

Underneath it all, I realized that my heli-mom and others, although stubborn and pushy, REALLY just have the biggest hearts of all and are probably the most loving creatures on earth. She means well. She wants the best for me.

WERE IT NOT FOR MY HELI-MOM, I WOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY.

<STEPS DOWN>

Please don't throw anything or color my holier than thou.

[Splash]

I answered yes to almost all of them as a "what I would do as a parent". It told me to re-evaluate my role. As soon, as I put no for contacting teachers, etc. but kept all else the same, it said I was good. Most of these things are not bad, if the child is involved too. Help is not helicoptering. Doing it for you, is.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

A few months ago, someone I know posted a very public diatribe (on Facebook) about some "mean girls" who were teasing her 14-year old daughter. Her daughter was on a bus riding to an "away" sports event, and a few of the other girls were making fun of her. Her daughter's friend, who had been sitting next to her, got up from her seat and sat with the "mean girls". Her daughter started to cry on bus and sat by herself on the way home.

The mother tells the story, and finished with "THESE GIRLS BETTER WATCH THEIR BACKS!! They have pissed off a mama bear!!! I HATE GIRLS LIKE THAT!!"

Now, I don't have tolerance for bullying, and I hate to see any kid ostracized and made fun of, but really? Do you think that this is going to help your kid?

To make matters worse, more then ten other people commented in similar fashion "Nobody better bother -----", "I'll come and teach those kids a lesson", and "what are their dads' names? I happen to know a guy that would be happy to pay their dads a little visit!!!

FWAP! FWAP! indeed!

This sounds like a Lifetime Movie in the making.. based on a true story. Very scary.

[SydneyK]

Wow @ ree-Xi's story. That's beyond heli-parenting - that story crosses the line into threatening behavior. Seriously. I'd keep my eye on that person.

Backbowlsgirl - hat's off to you for not holding it against your mom that she didn't let you get to where you are in life of your own accord. I don't think I could do that - I'm pretty sure I'd be somewhat resentful, actually.

My definition of a heli-parent: Someone who steps in and takes care of the kid's responsibilities instead of letting him/her do it him/herself. Someone who doesn't allow their child to make their own mistakes. Who doesn't allow their child to grow up.

College campuses are designed to help transition students from under-parents'-thumb to adulthood. The university administrators who are adjusting their practices to allow for heli-parenting are, imo, doing their students a huge disservice.

[AlphaFrog]

My mom's not as much a heli-mom (although she is to some extent), but she pretty much let me be the center of the world for 21 years. Now that I have kids, she expects me to turn that off and make my kids the center of the universe. First, it's hard to turn that off when you're used to doing whatever you want when you want. I do lots of stuff like the Oratorio Singers of Charlotte, community theatre and paid acting stuff and end up dumping my kids at my parents house because they let me. This is one of my reasons for wanting to move to NYC...as convenient as it is to keep taking advantage of my parents, it's not healthy for them, the kids or me. It will be good to put some distance there, at least for a little while.

[33girl]

You don't have a heli-mom. I will explain to you why.

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

Yes, I know that this thread is bashing heli-moms.

<STANDS UP>
I LOVE MY HELI-MOM.
She drove the miles down with me to college and stayed with me during RUSH. Being ill, she gave me a break and made sure that I was rested.
When I found out at the last minute about international travel, ironically, I was ill, she typed my application after I wrote my essay. My Dad proof read too.

A real heli-mom would write your essay herself.

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

Yes, she can and is OVERBEARING. She is pushy. She thinks that she knows everything.
And yes, I agree with her to shut her up.
BUT I HEART MY HELI-MOM.
She has never called my boss.
In my first job, she made a gourmet chowder for Christmas potluck that I passed off as my own. I got on the bosses good side.

A real heli-mom would not only call your boss to make sure everything was alright in your job, but would call to make sure nothing was being served at Christmas potluck that could make you sick.

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

And yes, sometimes, I let her do heli-things because it makes her feel better. There are times, when I have put her in her place or laugh at her. Laughter and humor make things better. "Yes, Mom, I could do that job as well as prime minister and solve world hunger" or simply, "Sounds great Mom, why don't you do it?"

Real heli-moms are lacking in humor. KIDZ ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS YO.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

In my first job, she made a gourmet chowder for Christmas potluck that I passed off as my own. I got on the bosses good side.

I'm not sure which is more -worthy -- that you would take credit for something someone else did in order to impress your boss or that it took your mother's gourmet chowder rather than your own efforts to get on the boss's good side.

[33girl]

Who wants chowder?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I'm not sure which is more -worthy -- that you would take credit for something someone else did in order to impress your boss or that it took your mother's gourmet chowder rather than your own efforts to get on the boss's good side.

I know, right?

I'd be out of luck as my mom is less of a cook than I am. If I were to pass off her cooking as my own, I'd probs get fired for how bad it is.

If I'm sick and I need to fill something out, she'll probably hand me some Pepto and tell me to get to work. She's a horrible neglectful person.