Sad recruitment story

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

They were not looking for your child -- they were looking for their sister. Unfortunately, because she didn't stick with it, two chapters lost out on somebody they wanted to see just one more time.

Quoted for truth.

The chapters who dropped her didn't see her as a sister.

Someone obviously saw her as a potential sister because they asked her back for Pref round, but she didn't see them in the same way.

That is her prerogative, but certainly not a chapter's fault or something for which you are owed an explanation.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Hello.

You're right. When people apply for membership and employment, the members and bosses/employers aren't looking for someone's child. LOL. That is, unless we're talking about nepotism.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Quoted for truth.

The chapters who dropped her didn't see her as a sister.

Someone obviously saw her as a potential sister because they asked her back for Pref round, but she didn't see them in the same way.

That is her prerogative, but certainly not a chapter's fault or something for which you are owed an explanation.

Thanks.

[phimusam]

On the member side, members almost always look at which PNMs they want the most and hardly ever think about who they don't want. Therefore, few should ever feel rejected. Just make sure that your daughter knows that you love her and that you are sad she is disappointed about the theatre and the sororities but that you are not disappointed in her.

[DrPhil]

Did he just thank us?

Something told me to ignore him like I normally do.

[aopirose]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

They were not looking for your child -- they were looking for their sister.

Two snaps and a triple Salchow.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Did he just thank us?

Something told me to ignore him like I normally do.

lol

Originally Posted by aopirose

Two snaps and a triple Salchow.

YES!!! You GET me.

[ree-Xi]

I hate to say this, but if she stuck it out, she might be happily hanging out with her new sisters. I'm sorry for her disappointment, but there is nothing I can say to someone who DID NOT FOLLOW THROUGH.

Two chapters WANTED HER. What was so awful about they that they didn't warrant the respect of accepting an invitation to Preference? Look at it from the other side - I can guarantee there were some girls really disappointed that your daughter didn't even give it a try.

All she can do is try again next semester if there is informal recruitment, or try again next year. But really, not attending Pref is kind of a slap in the face.

[FSUZeta]

actually the pnm might be able to participate in cob activities right now, in the event that some sororities are not at total(or did not pledge quota). even if the only ones able to cob are the two chapters that invited your daughter to pref. it might be worth her while to give them another shot. some groups who might not shine during formal recruitment, do shine in an informal setting.

she should check with the greek life office.

[aopirose]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

YES!!! You GET me.

[turqwind]

This sounds almost like my daughter's experience with the exception that she had a happy ending. She grew up going to Mother-Daughter Christmas teas, sitting on my lap when I was a chapter advisor, etc. I told her going through recruitment, whether and where she joined was her choice. She got cut by my chapter after one invitation and her other favorite group that her teacher had written a wonderful rec to on the same day. She was ready to drop out. I told her that was her choice, but other groups were interested in her and she needed to look forward rather than backward. She liked her other female relative's group even though the tent talk was negative about them. She told me, "Other girls talk mean about them, but I like them and they have been nice to me." She took her brutal cuts at the first of the week and ended up with a full schedule the last two days. She had a tough choice on the last day, but joined a nice group of girls she fits with and who like her. She would have found a nice home with her other pref group, too. So, keep an open mind and don't listen to tent talk. Don't take "Why Your Daughter..." too close to heart. While it may be true, some "top tier" groups know who they want before recruitment starts. If you have 100 girls in a chapter and quota is 50, it is pretty rough knowing that every member might have a cousin, neighbor, boyfriend's little sister, younger friend from high school, etc. coming through that they are fighting for. The only feedback I got from another group (unsolicited) was, "We really liked her, but figured she would go (my group)." Some groups, some campuses go after legacies, others "gun" for them.

[karmelgirl]

Thanks to all who offered advice and encouragement. I agree she should have gone to prefs to see if she could be happy at the 2 houses that wanted her. The reason why she didn't is that everything happened so fast....the rejection for the cast (she worked at preparing for this for a long time), then a few hours later getting rejected by the houses she thought really liked her and she liked them a lot. She couldn't reach her Rho X to talk about it. It just all came tumbling down at once and she couldn't compose herself in time to get her head around that fact that she needed to quickly get across campus, get completely dressed in cocktail attire, get herself into a happy frame of mind and get back across campus to 2 prefs where she really didn't know anyone. I think even for this kid it was just too much to ask. That is part of the sadness, because if she could have made it over to those houses it might have worked out, she knows it, I know it and you all know it. She just couldn't do it with how she was feeling.

So I reached out on this site to see if I could find some comfort among sisters that might know what it might feel like.

[mittens]

Originally Posted by karmelgirl

Thanks to all who offered advice and encouragement. I agree she should have gone to prefs to see if she could be happy at the 2 houses that wanted her. The reason why she didn't is that everything happened so fast....the rejection for the cast (she worked at preparing for this for a long time), then a few hours later getting rejected by the houses she thought really liked her and she liked them a lot. She couldn't reach her Rho X to talk about it. It just all came tumbling down at once and she couldn't compose herself in time to get her head around that fact that she needed to quickly get across campus, get completely dressed in cocktail attire, get herself into a happy frame of mind and get back across campus to 2 prefs where she really didn't know anyone. I think even for this kid it was just too much to ask. That is part of the sadness, because if she could have made it over to those houses it might have worked out, she knows it, I know it and you all know it. She just couldn't do it with how she was feeling.

So I reached out on this site to see if I could find some comfort among sisters that might know what it might feel like.

We've ALL had disappointments, but there is always light down the tunnel.

[als463]

Originally Posted by karmelgirl

Thanks to all who offered advice and encouragement. I agree she should have gone to prefs to see if she could be happy at the 2 houses that wanted her. The reason why she didn't is that everything happened so fast....the rejection for the cast (she worked at preparing for this for a long time), then a few hours later getting rejected by the houses she thought really liked her and she liked them a lot. She couldn't reach her Rho X to talk about it. It just all came tumbling down at once and she couldn't compose herself in time to get her head around that fact that she needed to quickly get across campus, get completely dressed in cocktail attire, get herself into a happy frame of mind and get back across campus to 2 prefs where she really didn't know anyone. I think even for this kid it was just too much to ask. That is part of the sadness, because if she could have made it over to those houses it might have worked out, she knows it, I know it and you all know it. She just couldn't do it with how she was feeling.
So I reached out on this site to see if I could find some comfort among sisters that might know what it might feel like.

So...wait. Did she not attend the pref parties because she was bummed out about getting cut from the play or because she didn't get her top choice? Earlier, it sounded as if she didn't ger her "top tier" choice, and now you are saying it is because she was upset about not getting a part in the play.

From what you said earlier, it sounds as if she didn't get her top choices. End of story. It is sad she didn't give those 2 chapters a chance because they must have really liked her enough to invite her back.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by karmelgirl

so she was also a legacy at a top house.

See, you had me feeling badly for her and her awful day until I read that. It's pretty rare for women to go completely bidless, but that wasn't the case for your daughter. She had options, but from your own words above, I think there was a little bit of "not good enough for perfect princess" happening. Two chapters still wanted her. She chose to reject them.

One other thing to keep in mind. Deferred recruitment allows chapters to get a much better look at PNMs throughout their first semester. I know you don't want to think about it since she's your daughter and perfect in your eyes, but there may be some specific reasons your daughter wasn't considered for those "top houses."

[karmelgirl]

it was both......if the play situation had not have occured hours earlier I think she would have been fine. Not thrilled, but she would have gone to prefs and who knows, she may have found a home. Both things happened within hours of each other....that essentially exacerbated the issue.