People that you would NOT recommend.

[UGAalum94]

In one the the threads, we started a discussion of "no recs."

And to maybe complement the weird rush stories thread, I thought a list of the circumstances for which one would or did send in a negative recommendation on a PNM would be interesting.

For instance, I know that had she rushed, I would have sent in a no rec for a girl who was arrested* for embezzling from her part time job. (Fortunately, she didn't rush, as far as I know.)

ETA: I certainly don't mean for people to name names.

* she was either convicted or pled guilty. There was no real question of guilt.

[carnation]

Oh, this is easy for me. I have sent in soooo many positive recommendations. I have sent in 2 no-recs.

Several years ago, I traveled overseas with some Senior Girl Scouts. Two were super, one had me coming apart every 10 minutes and wanting to call the national office to scream at them for choosing her. Apparently, she looked good on paper.

We were in a very conservative country and she showed up with green hair in a freaky spiked haircut. Of course, she was literally stopping traffic everywhere. She kept trying to pick up French sailors. Then at the end of the campout--conservative country, remember--she made up a dirty song for the closing. And a few months later, she called to ask me for a Pi Phi rec!!!!!

The other one was a counselor at a camp where several of my older daughters and I worked. She had a violent temper and screamed at several campers and counselors. She slapped some counselors and later the assistant director. She gouged her with her fingernail when she did that.

So she asked for recs from us and told us that she was a legacy to one of my daughters' groups. We could not write our no-recs fast enough (only no- rec my daughter has ever written). Later, an alum from the legacy group called to thank my daughter and told her that she found out that the girl had a police record.

Now get this--a year later, another daughter went and visited that campus and we met a sorority member. She told us that an administrator had all but forced her group to pledge the girl, who had caused major drama and been kicked out within weeks.

And ladies, this is what you save your no-recs for!

[UGAalum94]

Absolutely! And at least you all had the peace of mind of knowing you did your best to warn them.

ETA: Do you think green haired girl just really was that clueless about what was appropriate? It just seems that if she called and asked for the rec. that she had absolutely no idea how bad her behavior was.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by carnation

Now get this--a year later, another daughter went and visited that campus and we met a sorority member. She told us that an administrator had all but forced her group to pledge the girl, who had caused major drama and been kicked out within weeks.

Wow, this really relates back to some of the discussions we were having earlier this week in the quota thread.

[dgdramadawg]

As was mentioned in the previous thread by others, it would take a lot for me to write a no rec. I would be more likely to ask the PNM to ask someone else for a rec if I did not feel comfortable recommending her. The girl would have to have some serious baggage that would reflect poorly on the sorority, like a felony or really risque photos online or something, for me to feel like I should write her a no rec.

A friend of mine told me once that her chapter often received no recs from older alumnae who did not want girls pledging because the girls drank or something like that. I think this is a perfect example of different alumnae taking membership criteria differently... some might see this as worthy of a no rec and others might think it makes the PNM a fun-loving girl! This is where multiple recs would come in handy... if 2 alums say "no," then it's definitely not just a personal opinion of one woman.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by dgdramadawg

A friend of mine told me once that her chapter often received no recs from older alumnae who did not want girls pledging because the girls drank or something like that. I think this is a perfect example of different alumnae taking membership criteria differently... some might see this as worthy of a no rec and others might think it makes the PNM a fun-loving girl! This is where multiple recs would come in handy... if 2 alums say "no," then it's definitely not just a personal opinion of one woman.

In some orgs (I'd wager most), it is extremely difficult if not almost impossible to pledge a PNM for which a No-Rec has been received, though. So whether one or two alums sent a No-Rec in doesn't matter.

[VandalSquirrel]

I wrote my one and only DO NOT RECOMMEND on a woman who said nasty things about my sorority and chapter to my face. It wasn't like she was repeating rumors because she was clueless about rush or had no idea I am an Alpha Gam. She then proceeded to say she only wanted to be an XYZ or an ABC and said unsavory things about the other chapters.

It blows my mind that women think we only have friends in our own chapters and wouldn't give a heads up about their behavior to our friends. If I wouldn't want a woman as my sister, to the point I'd no rec her, you best believe I pass along the info to a friend and let her chose what to do with it.

[icelandelf]

Carnation beat me to it. I wrote two non-recs interestingly for the same girl.

She was one of my students. She looked great on paper, varsity cheerleader, but in my class her behavior was abhorrent. She neglected work, refused offers for tutoring, and often tried to sit in the lap of one of the football players rather than in her seat. She distracted class to no end and was off task almost continually. I wrote her up and mother was shocked that I would actually refer her daughter to the office. I ended up having to defend my classroom policies and documentation of her daughter's poor behavior and lack of character.

As karma would have it, the following year (her senior year) I was asked to write a rec for this girl. I wrote a no-rec and had no regrets doing it.

This year I was asked to write yet another rec for the same girl. Apparently she did not get a bid (for whatever reason) to the sororities at her university, so she is rushing again this year as a sophomore. I had the privilege of seeing her freshman transcript and it was less than stellar. I wrote another no-rec. I sincerely do not want this girl having any possibility of being my sister ever.

[UGAalum94]

I think there are probably wildly different standards about what it would take to no rec, and I think that actives and recent alumnae and then really conservative significantly older alums are probably the fastest with the no rec.

I think people who really know a lot of high school aged kids or college kids but are at least five years out of college are probably a little more tolerant of normal indiscretions or unfortunate trends (joke facebook groups for example), which is why the PNMs who are REALLY out of line for one reason or another stand out.

[carnation]

She seemed to be going out of her way to shock people. The weird thing was that if you looked at her application--on which she had a regular hairstyle-- you would have thought that she was this kinda dumpy, geeky kid. Okay, that would have been fine. Trying her best to offend people (her newly created persona, I suppose), even strangers out on the street, was horrendous.

The only thing that kept me sane was that the Australian leader had a Maori kid who was doing the same thing and we banded together for support.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

ETA: Do you think green haired girl just really was that clueless about what was appropriate? It just seems that if she called and asked for the rec. that she had absolutely no idea how bad her behavior was.

[UGAalum94]

It also seems that overnight trips bring out the weirdness in some kids too. And the kids you might have wondered about as you got ready for the trip are angels.

[carnation]

And this was no overnight trip!It was a 3-week trip to 3 countries representing the Girl Scouts of the USA! When we dropped her off on the return trip, one of the other girls was literally crying in relief.

I almost forgot!!! This is the worst! We were landing in California and she said, "You know that ivory shop we were in in Hong Kong? Well, after y'all left, I went back and bought some and that suitcase over there is full of it." ILLEGAL IVORY! AAAAHHH!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO GET ARRESTED!

We stepped up to customs--we were in uniform-- and the agents waved us through, saying ,"Girl Scouts! Like you're going to smuggle anything!"

And she asked for a Pi Phi rec....

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by carnation

And this was no overnight trip!It was a 3-week trip to 3 countries representing the Girl Scouts of the USA! When we dropped her off on the return trip, one of the other girls was literally crying in relief.

I almost forgot!!! This is the worst! We were landing in California and she said, "You know that ivory shop we were in in Hong Kong? Well, after y'all left, I went back and bought some and that suitcase over there is full of it." ILLEGAL IVORY! AAAAHHH!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO GET ARRESTED!

We stepped up to customs--we were in uniform-- and the agents waved us through, saying ,"Girl Scouts! Like you're going to smuggle anything!"

And she asked for a Pi Phi rec....

Wow. I don't think I'd ever sign up for a trip like that unless I could hand pick the kids.
Do you think she really bought any ivory or was she just going for maximum stress on you?

What ever ended up happening to her in rush?

[carnation]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Wow. I don't think I'd ever sign up for a trip like that unless I could hand pick the kids.
Do you think she really bought any ivory or was she just going for maximum stress on you?

What ever ended up happening to her in rush?

She decided to stress us all out by pulling out some of the pieces in the airport and I backhanded her. (Okay, she did that but I didn't really.) Then she pulled out her whole haul at our host's house.

All I know, and this was because our magazine used to publish our pledge classes' names, is that she didn't manage to slip through and pledge us!

[wildcatfan]

Just curious--when you write a "no rec" for someone, do you elaborate on your reasons/concerns, or just send in your rec form and literally write "NO REC" on it and leave it at that?