Advice: dealing with crazy people?

[UGAalum94]

This kind of a non-specific vent/ request for advice.

How do you deal with the people that you have to work with but who you have come to believe are actually crazy?

I'm not talking about anyone who you can choose to ignore or quit interacting with with a little bit of effort.

I'm also not talking about people who are certifiably insane or demented and who no one else will expect you to do anything other humor or ignore, depending on your relationship to them. And I'm not talking cases where you are professionally expected to deal directly with the person's nuttiness, for instance like if your work in a group home or teach the emotionally disordered.

I'm talking about people, like the parents of kids that you might teach if you were a teacher, whom you are professionally obligated to deal with over whom you have no expectation of control who, experience has taught, you are nuts.

tips? suggestions?

I find myself wanting to formalize and document all my interactions with one such person, but I'm realizing that I'm just creating more occasions when I end up having to deal with the nuttiness. But the parent's weirdness affects the kid's attendance and school work, so I don't really know what to do.

There are a few ways that I think I could make the problem go away, but they seem unprofessional, like either not holding the kid responsible for deadlines or conversely, just quietly giving the kid zeros when her time ran out and she hadn't taken care of things. (This is a high school kid and she really could be taking more responsibility for her own work. I don't want to penalize her for her mom's issues, but I don't want to reward her or enable her either.) But my school is all about communication and documentation, so I keep dealing with a mom who can't seem to remember what she's said from one interaction to the next and sends entirely mixed messages about her involvement in the kid's education, in a way that suggests maybe a certain detachment from reality.

Anyone?

[Senusret I]

Well you're already documenting and communicating....

Is there any way to bring in the department chair next time you have a sit-down meeting with the parent? I feel like administratively, the DC is your peer and you might need an extra pair of eyes on this situation in case it ever escalates.

Does your school have a "Student Support Team?" In the DC schools that is a committee of teachers and other professionals who might be able to look at a situation closely.

Child welfare/social services?

I feel for you, I really do. One of many reasons why I left teaching/education.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Well you're already documenting and communicating....

Is there any way to bring in the department chair next time you have a sit-down meeting with the parent? I feel like administratively, the DC is your peer and you might need an extra pair of eyes on this situation in case it ever escalates.

Does your school have a "Student Support Team?" In the DC schools that is a committee of teachers and other professionals who might be able to look at a situation closely.

Child welfare/social services?

I feel for you, I really do. One of many reasons why I left teaching/education.

It's a shame you left, but I can see why people do.

The mom has been hesitant to meet face to face. It's been emails, phone calls and notes. I especially tried to set a meeting up with our Student Support Team coordinator (an assistant principal) and the kid's counselor to deal with one issue that came up, but the mom reversed her position and pretended like their was nothing to meet about. Seriously, I have two communications from her, one asking for one thing instructionally and a second saying that she never asked for it.

I know the school had to make one DFACS report this year about bruises on the kid's arm, so the mom may be hesitant to come in because of that.

I know I kind of seem like a heartless jerk worrying about the academic stuff with the kid when there are clearly issues, but it's what the taxpayers pay me for.

[Senusret I]

You're absolutely right -- it's your job to worry about the academic stuff. You're a teacher, not a social worker, speech pathologist, nurse, etc, etc.

But the good thing is that usually (at least in my opinion) good documentation of academic challenges is the first step in solving the other issues.

[summer_gphib]

Keep excellent documentation, and note anything that seems even the least bit off. Keep every e-mail, the ones she sends and your replies.

Also talk to other teachers who either have had or currently do have this student. It sounds like you've got a great administration, go to them with concerns and issues.

I didn't have a good administration so I left teaching. (I'm actually one of the few teachers who made it a whole year there! )

Just document everything, and remember while your focus is on the academics, you have to look out for that kid, too. He or she may be dealing with a lot more than just what you see on the surface. I had a student like that, and it broke my heart. My administration wouldn't do ANYTHING because he was a paying student at a private school. My heart still breaks for him though.

[nikki1920]

Can you go to the parent's home? (with a partner, of course) Have you talked with the school psychologist/counselor/social worker?

And continue to document and let your administration know what is going on.

Sounds like you are doing everything right, though.

[UGAalum94]

Thank you very much for your suggestions and responses. I'm starting to feel bad for having posted it, but I really did wonder how other people have learned to deal with similar stuff. I think it probably does happen in many other fields. Anyone who deals with the public at large has probably had to deal with a crazy person in a similar way.

The kid has a good guidance counselor who will keep an eye out for any signs of abuse. (She has a smaller number of students because she has the "at risk" kids, and she does actually see them frequently.) I will also notify her if I suspect any abuse as would any of the other teachers. I don't really think that is the direction the mom's nuttiness takes. (In the previous bruise thing, I don't think DFACs substantiated anything.)

My administration is pretty good, but they are frustrating too. In this case, I'd welcome direct instruction from my immediate supervisor about how to handle things, and he seems really reluctant to give any. While theoretically giving me more autonomy, it really just sets me up to flounder around since I can't predict what I can expect administrative support for.

I think more than anything he wants me to make the drama go away, so he doesn't want to meet with the mom or handle the problem.

And this might seem weird, but a home visit would be really strange in my community. I think it would be taken like I was being stalker-ish and over-stepping my role. Even if it were acceptable to my supervisors, it's not something I'd be comfortable with. I kind of want the professional boundary of dealing with my professional responsibilities at my place of employment as much as possible (except of course the ones I bring to GC).

If I taught in a different community where parents wouldn't generally come to the school, I'd probably change my attitude and meet them where they needed me to.

[aggieAXO]

I feel for you as well. I deal with crazy people on a daily basis in highly emotional situations but luckily I can refer them or ask them to leave if need be (or call the police which I have done). What sucks is they still have a sick pet and asking them to leave punishes the pet more than the owner. But, I have to protect myself and my staff. I really wonder how some of these people get by in life. I feel bad not only for the pets but for the kids as well. I grew up with a not so normal dad and so I can realate to some of them (the kids that is). Luckily my mom had her head on straight and was very involved and supportive. I can definitely see why teachers burn out quickly-I can relate. Good luck with your situation.

[Xidelt]

With a student that has a crazy home life that impacts academics, its hard to not give the student some breaks/benefits of the doubt. I'm a teacher as well, and I tend to give these kids extensions, not grade down as hard for late work, etc. Since the mom seems to "not remember" what you said, if you do give the student an extension, etc, I would write it in the student's agenda and initial it. (just another way to document!). Also, if I have to make a phone call to a parent who might be upset, emotional, or "not remember" what I say, I have another teacher stand with me while I make the phone call to act as a witness. Then I document everything in my communication log.

[UGAalum94]

Xidelt, that's great advice, and I will keep it in mind. I've been trying to work with email since it creates a record for me.

Thanks to everyone who responded.

[couggirl]

i am a child who has a mom who acts like this. I was trying to think of what I would have wanted in High School if someone would have tried to help me. The only thing that I could think of is try talking to the student and encouraging her to talk to someone. I really don't know what the situation is exactly, but some times abused kids have a hard time taking charge of their lives ( i know i did). Maybe you and someone else could try talking to the girl about learning to be responsible for her academics and if someone at the school could take some time to talk to her about what that means and the behavior that would be involved with that.

I use to work at an elementary school and I left cause of all the administrative crap so I can understand if what I am suggesting is something that is not okay behavior from the teachers perspective. It just my thoughts as a girl who had to deal, still has to deal with a mom who has the exact same behavior.

Good luck, Couggirl