bigs/littles

[rufio]

i adopted my little a few weeks into his pledge semester because his big had too many other commitments. He's a great guy and would be an excellent big brother, but he was a ghost to the kid. If you can't fulfill your duties to your little its best that someone else who can take over. its not a matter of whether you're good enough but who can do the best for the assoc. member right now.

[skylark]

I'm not sure if the OP started this thread to get advice on how to handle the situation, but I would consider whether this is the only time the pledgemaster has displayed flawed leadership skills. If this is a pattern with this person, perhaps (depending on the climate of the chapter) it would be beneficial to set up a meeting with the President and Pledgemaster and discuss your concerns. While it won't change the Pledgemaster's decision (and it would probably anger the pledge to switch back), maybe the President and Pledgemaster together with you can come together to repair some of the damage that has been created by setting up a meeting between the pledge and you with the President or at least give you some direction on a way to break the ice with this pledge so that this doesn't become a rift that will damage the chapter's brotherhood for years.

[Buttonz]

I would pull the pledgemaster to the side and ask why you were left out of it and why you all didn't sit down and try to work something out.

My big didn't want me, she wanted to wait for a girl who was going to pledge the next semester. I didn't want my big. Guess what? We got each other. We didn't get along and barely talked unless we had to...she just had no interest in me, knowing this girl, I'll call her A, was going to pledge in the fall and she really wanted A as her little. Fall came, A pledged, and she was a MUCH better big to A. It hurt me to see that but I was close with other sisters, including other sisters in my family tree, so I shrugged it off. A got initiated and not even two weeks later she decided to drop her letters because she got engaged and didn't see the need for a sorority any more *We really thought she was serious when she joined, NONE of us knew she was like that* My big felt horrible...and about 2 months later she spent the night by my house so we could leave together early the morning for leadership retreat for my school and ever since then we are a lot closer. Something that neither one of us were happy with at first wound up being great in the end. It happens sometimes.

[texas*princess]

I think it's hard to make a call on this situation given that we have not been presented with all of the information.

What exactly does "not get along" mean?

Does that mean you aren't doing your job as a big?

Did you get in a fight over something?

Do your personalities just plain clash?


My big & I never had the kind of relationship that I would have liked because we were both very different people and at different stages in our college life. I was a junior with 4.5 full semesters left to go, and I was at a point where I was focused on my grades and getting the big internship more than going out every other night... my "big" was actually younger than me... she was a sophomore who was still in the "let's go out every night" phase.

We didn't neccessarily clash, we just did different things. She is still a great person, and we talk from time to time after graduation... in my new member period she still helped me learn my stuff and we still hung out while I was still in college, but it wasn't that BFF kind of relationship that other people may experience. I did make that sort of "BFF" connection with other girls in my chapter though, so it's not like she was a bad big just because we were different.

It really depends on the situation.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I think it's hard to make a call on this situation given that we have not been presented with all of the information.
---

It really depends on the situation.

That's exactly what I'm thinking.

[cryingcarebear]

while i was not the best big in the world, i was far from being the worst this fraternity has seen. i even spoke with my (former) little tonight, and he told me he had no problems with me at all, besides the fact that we didn't hang out much, and hoped i wouldn't hate him for something he didn't choose for himself.

we had our weekly meeting tonight when the news was brought to the entire chapter. keep in mind the current pledge master is our president's little, who coincidentally, received another little this semester when many others were in need of their first. our vice president on council also lives with those two guys.

the whole situation was indeed absurd because most of my brothers were made uncomfortable at the meeting when they voiced their opinions, most of which were against their decision. the rationale behind their decision for the most part was that the pledgemaster has entire authority in this situation and had council's approval. That covers 5 members of our fraternity, but not the overwhelming majority of the other brothers.

this decision was the first of its kind in our chapter history. i truly believe that this decision was made so that the pledge master could make his mark on the fraternity before he graduated. almost no one was happy about it, and they were attacked on a personal level when they tried to make a point. a new council and chapter positions will be elected in a month, and most of the brothers just told me to wait it out. there's nothing else i can do at this point. i don't think it's worth bitching about at this point, but that doesn't make it right.

in this situation i believe it should have at least been brought to some chapter vote or something of that nature. i don't believe justice has been served, and i believe i have just been made an example of by the most irrational self-serving council in recent history.

put yourself in my shoes... what are you supposed to do or think at this point?

[Senusret I]

If I were the pledgemaster, I might have done the same thing.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

If I were the pledgemaster, I might have done the same thing.

Can you explain?

[Senusret I]

I was unmoved by histrionics when I was a pledgemaster and that's what this feels like to me.

I could be wrong, but as t*p said, we haven't been presented with all of the information. So I just don't have much empathy here.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by cryingcarebear

while i was not the best big in the world, i was far from being the worst this fraternity has seen. i even spoke with my (former) little tonight, and he told me he had no problems with me at all, besides the fact that we didn't hang out much, and hoped i wouldn't hate him for something he didn't choose for himself.

we had our weekly meeting tonight when the news was brought to the entire chapter. keep in mind the current pledge master is our president's little, who coincidentally, received another little this semester when many others were in need of their first. our vice president on council also lives with those two guys.

the whole situation was indeed absurd because most of my brothers were made uncomfortable at the meeting when they voiced their opinions, most of which were against their decision. the rationale behind their decision for the most part was that the pledgemaster has entire authority in this situation and had council's approval. That covers 5 members of our fraternity, but not the overwhelming majority of the other brothers.

this decision was the first of its kind in our chapter history. i truly believe that this decision was made so that the pledge master could make his mark on the fraternity before he graduated. almost no one was happy about it, and they were attacked on a personal level when they tried to make a point. a new council and chapter positions will be elected in a month, and most of the brothers just told me to wait it out. there's nothing else i can do at this point. i don't think it's worth bitching about at this point, but that doesn't make it right.

in this situation i believe it should have at least been brought to some chapter vote or something of that nature. i don't believe justice has been served, and i believe i have just been made an example of by the most irrational self-serving council in recent history.

put yourself in my shoes... what are you supposed to do or think at this point?

For one, did he take another little while he was pledgemaster? that to me, is a serious conflict of interest. It wasn't allowed by our constitution, and seriously frowned upon. However, a few semesters ago (after I graduated and all of our eboard had left, and all new girls were in.. serious lack of planning... i know ) my grandlittle, as assistant pledgemistress, took a little. Technically, there wasn't anything against it in our constitution or bylaws. She went ahead and did it... and for the most part, that set off another series of events and she essentially ostracized herself and they didn't want much to do with her either. It's sad that people take advantage like that with such a serious lack of regard for others.

I think that most decisions require a chapter vote. However, in terms of big/little matching, that came down to the pledgemistress and assistant, and the president was brought in if necessary. I've never seen one get switched unless a girl went inactive or something... but that never even happened.

I think you are right to stick up for what you believe and keep talking about it. Sometimes, with certain eboards, there isn't much you can change with them, but you have the ability to work your way up and change things for others that come after you.

[Buttonz]

Originally Posted by cryingcarebear

while i was not the best big in the world, i was far from being the worst this fraternity has seen. i even spoke with my (former) little tonight, and he told me he had no problems with me at all, besides the fact that we didn't hang out much, and hoped i wouldn't hate him for something he didn't choose for himself.

Meaning he never asked to be reassigned to another big?

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by AlethiaSi

my grandlittle, as assistant pledgemistress, took a little. Technically, there wasn't anything against it in our constitution or bylaws. She went ahead and did it... and for the most part, that set off another series of events and she essentially ostracized herself and they didn't want much to do with her either. It's sad that people take advantage like that with such a serious lack of regard for others.

Eh..I disagree. While I do agree that it is SLIGHTLY unethical for a new member educator/pledgemaster to take a little, sometimes there is no one else. When you get new member classes that are almost as big as the number of actives, you have to make exceptions.

As for new member ed assistants, if we never allowed them to take one then they may never get one at all. In my chapter, the assistant position is generally a stepping stone to the full position. If she could not take one as an assistant, and was assistant after her first semester in [as often happens], and then in the next elections was the Pledgemaster or whatever you want ot call it, she could potentially be able to take a little the semester before she graduates - and that's it.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Eh..I disagree. While I do agree that it is SLIGHTLY unethical for a new member educator/pledgemaster to take a little, sometimes there is no one else. When you get new member classes that are almost as big as the number of actives, you have to make exceptions.

As for new member ed assistants, if we never allowed them to take one then they may never get one at all. In my chapter, the assistant position is generally a stepping stone to the full position. If she could not take one as an assistant, and was assistant after her first semester in [as often happens], and then in the next elections was the Pledgemaster or whatever you want ot call it, she could potentially be able to take a little the semester before she graduates - and that's it.

I see what you mean, and it makes sense... I guess with us, we just tried not to do so. It was so frowned upon that some people would take two littles at one time in order to keep it from happening. I guess in the situation with my grandlittle, there were other people that could have taken another little, but she caused such a fuss that it went through. Our assistant positions are usually a stepping stone to the higher position as well, so she may or may not have had another opportunity to take a little. She ended up going inactive after she took my great grand little anyway because she didn't get the position she wanted.

In any event, I definitely see what you mean, and it makes sense, I guess it's just relative to our own orgs...

[SthrnZeta]

I'm not sure if this is a national by-law for us or not, but at least in my chapter, our NM Coordinator would not take a little while in office - and with good reason it seems!

[texas*princess]

It's my understanding that the Pledgemaster did not take another little, the current President did?

(He said the Pledgemaster was the President's little, and he got another little?)

Maybe I misunderstood.