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10-01-2007, 09:37 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 232
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna
Thankfully, no. However, she is thinking that they should have one next year in an attempt to "make the relationship better."
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If she actually believes that... well, I'll refrain from being too harsh ... but she's gotten beyond the point where you can help her. 
She has got to talk to someone. This is more about her than it is about her relationship with the husband.
Good luck!
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Oh... you know.
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10-01-2007, 10:19 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: VA, VA, wooooo!!!!
Posts: 5,935
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You should go talk to friend #1 when hubby is not there and give it to her straight, no chaser. Then step back and let her know that you are available when she needs you *cuz she will need you at some point*, but that you can not and will not be, as some said earlier, her waste management company.
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Easy. You root against Duke, for that program and its head coach are -
and we don't think we're in any way exaggerating here - the epitome of all that is evil.
--Seth Emerson, The Albany Herald
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10-01-2007, 10:26 AM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
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#1 honestly sounds like she's being abused, if not physically, then emotionally/mentally.
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It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
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10-01-2007, 10:57 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: CA
Posts: 1,116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaemonSeid
1. You have known them since 6th grade....have you all grown together since that time? It's good that you have that kind of relationship that lasts over time like this but as it's said, sometimes you have to let people go. You get to a certain point that you outgrow your friends which brings me to point number
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Well, we have known each other since we were about 11, and we've had periods where we weren't as close because we all weren't living in the same region, etc. It is surprising to see my married friend acting like this because she was always, in my opinion, the most independent one in the bunch. She was the one who always stood up to her parents; She was the one who would ALWAYS kick a guy to the curb who wasn't treating her right. She was so strong before she met this loser.
I guess you can say my other friend was somewhat of a late bloomer. She was afraid to talk to boys as a teen, and didn't have a serious boyfriend until after college. This was only her second "relationship" ever, and she's 32. I know this is part of her problem. The first boyfriend she had (for 4 years) never treated her properly, so she doesn't even really grasp what it means to be in a healthy relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar08
If she actually believes that... well, I'll refrain from being too harsh ... but she's gotten beyond the point where you can help her.
She has got to talk to someone. This is more about her than it is about her relationship with the husband. |
You're right. Some of our other friends have suggested having an intervention with her (because even her siblings have noticed a negative change in her), and having a professional there to follow up with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl
#1 honestly sounds like she's being abused, if not physically, then emotionally/mentally.
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Yes, you are correct. Right now it is emotional and mental abuse, and I am afraid it might go further than that at some point.
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10-01-2007, 10:58 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: NYC
Posts: 3,533
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Agreed with 33girl- I'm wondering how bad things have gotten, and if there are things she is too "ashamed" to tell you.
__________________
It may be said with rough accuracy that there are three stages in the life of a strong people. First, it is a small power, and fights small powers. Then it is a great power, and fights great powers. Then it is a great power, and fights small powers, but pretends that they are great powers, in order to rekindle the ashes of its ancient emotion and vanity.-- G.K. Chesterton
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10-01-2007, 11:02 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: CA
Posts: 1,116
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Yes, that worries me, too. She and I have discussed counseling, or at least marriage counseling, but she's expressed to me that because of their cultural background, it is not an option. (Which really doesn't explain why she feels free to tell me about all this strife.  )
Her mother isn't helping. Her mom (who stayed with a male for over 40 years even though he had a family with a woman in their home country) basically told her to "suck it up" because that's "just how men are." 
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10-01-2007, 11:15 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: VA, VA, wooooo!!!!
Posts: 5,935
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Ok, uh, no. Stage an intervention and go from there.
And let us know what happens.
__________________
Easy. You root against Duke, for that program and its head coach are -
and we don't think we're in any way exaggerating here - the epitome of all that is evil.
--Seth Emerson, The Albany Herald
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10-01-2007, 11:20 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: In a house.
Posts: 9,564
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nikki1920
Ok, uh, no. Stage an intervention and go from there.
And let us know what happens.
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Sounds like a "Waiting to Exhale" moment in the making.
Make sure when she starts to sell the cars and good for a buck someone call me
__________________
Law and Order: Gotham - “In the Criminal Justice System of Gotham City the people are represented by three separate, yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime, the District Attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and the Batman. These are their stories.”
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10-01-2007, 01:02 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,954
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna
Her mother isn't helping. Her mom (who stayed with a male for over 40 years even though he had a family with a woman in their home country) basically told her to "suck it up" because that's "just how men are." |
Well, this explains a lot. People who come from unhealthy homes typically do one of two things: (1) recognize the problems from their childhood home life and vow to never be in a similar situation, or (2) fail to recognize the problems from their childhood home life and practically recreate that toxic atmosphere.
It sounds like your friend falls in the second category.
While it would be encouraging to know that your friend's mom is supportive of your take on the whole matter, in the end, it probably wouldn't make too much of an impact. Children often don't appreciate their parents' opinions when it comes to relationship woes... regardless of how old/young they are.
Glad to hear your other friend knows what's going on with her (hopefully ex) boyfriend.
Good luck dealing with all this; I know it can't be easy for you.
__________________
Never let the facts stand in the way of a good answer. -Tom Magliozzi
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10-01-2007, 01:05 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: VA, VA, wooooo!!!!
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People often imitate (consciously or not) what they saw growing up.
Your friends are lucky to have you.
__________________
Easy. You root against Duke, for that program and its head coach are -
and we don't think we're in any way exaggerating here - the epitome of all that is evil.
--Seth Emerson, The Albany Herald
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10-01-2007, 02:03 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: CA
Posts: 1,116
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Thanks, ladies 
And DaemonSeid, didn't she set the husband's car ablaze in that movie? LOL!
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10-01-2007, 02:04 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: In a house.
Posts: 9,564
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna
Thanks, ladies
And DaemonSeid, didn't she set the husband's car ablaze in that movie? LOL! |
yup....lol
__________________
Law and Order: Gotham - “In the Criminal Justice System of Gotham City the people are represented by three separate, yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime, the District Attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and the Batman. These are their stories.”
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10-01-2007, 02:10 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Ozdust Ballroom
Posts: 14,837
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna
Yes, that worries me, too. She and I have discussed counseling, or at least marriage counseling, but she's expressed to me that because of their cultural background, it is not an option. (Which really doesn't explain why she feels free to tell me about all this strife. ) |
What exactly do you mean by that?
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Facile remedium est ubertati; sterilia nullo labore vincuntur.
I think pearls are lovely, especially when you need something to clutch. ~ AzTheta
The Real World Can't Hear You ~ GC Troll
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10-01-2007, 02:51 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: CA
Posts: 1,116
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Her words, not mine: "Asians are not supposed to seek help for stuff like this."
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10-01-2007, 03:00 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: In a house.
Posts: 9,564
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna
Her words, not mine: "Asians are not supposed to seek help for stuff like this." |
stoicism doesn't stop an arsewhupping
__________________
Law and Order: Gotham - “In the Criminal Justice System of Gotham City the people are represented by three separate, yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime, the District Attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and the Batman. These are their stories.”
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