Bid day "Mismatch"

[BoroBaby]

This happened to my daughter at a Georgia School and she did not pledge the sorority she got a bid for. She felt that they were just about "looks" and parties and she decided to try again for the sorority she wanted for number 1. She did not get it yet again, but does not regret not joining the one she got a bid from last year. She must FEEL at home in a chapter to get the most from it. I am glad my daughter did not settle and she does not regret "OPTING OUT" of the one from last year. Just be sure she decides BEFORE being intiated.

[augreekmom]

I guess I need to clarify my use of the word "mismatch". I was referring to commonalities more the "technically correct" use of the word. My daughter kept saying that they were being told that while the system wouldn't always guarantee your 1st choices, you would at least end up with with a group that wouldn't be mismatched in terms of your interests, hobbies, personalities, etc.

[IlliniMeg]

augreekmom - I so sympathize with your daughter, this happened to me. I think I'll post my retro recruitment story after the hoopla dies down. My chapter was my #3 and actually I was forced to go back to them in later rounds b/c I got cut from a lot of chapters and they asked me back b/c they were smaller and needed numbers.

I had been dirty rushed at one but put it at #2 because my #1 was the more socially acceptable of the two, thinking that if #1 didn't pick me, I'd fall into #2. Not quite. So I got my third choice.

I was devastated the chapter was nothing like I imagined, way too diverse and I only saw a couple people i thought I could mesh with and only my future big sister had rushed me so I didn't even know anyone.

Bid day was unbearable and I cried all day. I went to Bid Night and was horrified at other members of my pledge class, partly because they included the "weird" girl on my dorm floor and I thought I had nothing in common with anyone.

Well about a week later, the chapter got more snap bids and COBs - the computer system made a MAJOR error that year and cut about 80 women who had preffed three chapters so they ended up with NOTHING. So we had new ones trickling in all the time.

About 3 weeks into pledging, we had our retreat. There I discovered about 10 women, like me were shell shocked by our rush experience and no idea how we all got to this chapter. It was like we were orphans in Annie or something. But all 10 of us found each other to be compatible and all thought "This is not the place I wanted to be". We bonded through those thoughts and found that we were the ones we had hoped to find in our chapter.

There is a lot more to my situation than I would guess with your daughter. Our chapter at that time had gone from one of the strongest on campus 10 years before to one the of the smallest. The 10 of us bonded together, made promises that we would initiate for each other, so we could be sisters and then help to make the chapter stronger.

I never would have guessed on Bid Day that I would have stuck it out but had I just made my decision that day, I wouldn't have. I truly believe I was "chosen" to be in that chapter. I ended up making my best friends in the whole wide world and because it was a smaller chapter I got leadership opportunities I probably never would have dreamed of because at another chapter, like one I wanted through rush, I would have tried to hard to fit in and not allowed myself to grow.

I ended up getting a very prestigious leadership position with campus panhellenic and went on to be a national consultant for my sorority leading to friendships and experiences that felt hand picked for my personal and spiritual growth.

My parents went from not really understanding sororities to calling my pledging my chapter "the best decision I've ever made"

Most pledge periods range from 4 weeks to a semester, with most 6 to 8 weeks, and as long as she drops out before initiation she can re-rush next year.

I would encourage her to stick it out for awhile. At this point everything is so overwhelming, with starting classes to living on campus for the first time to rush, that she might gain some clarity with time.

it is a tremendous disappointment though and I don't want you think that you didn't play the game well or take it to be your fault. Large campuses with large greek systems are difficult to manuever and sometimes it's no one's fault but the sheer fact the larger numbers and chapters do not allow proper time to get to know what might be the best fit.

Best wishes and good luck to your daughter no matter what she decides.

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by augreekmom

My daughter kept saying that they were being told that while the system wouldn't always guarantee your 1st choices, you would at least end up with with a group that wouldn't be mismatched in terms of your interests, hobbies, personalities, etc.

Maybe she just has yet to find out what those similarities really are? Also, she might find that they already have events throughout the year that are athletic events she can participate in, and by going to those events she can bond with the other members who also enjoy them.

In any case, this is what the new member period is for-coming from an SEC school myself-the new member classes are generally pretty large & have a large range of interests & personalities. Getting to know other new members, as well as active members during this time before Initiation is key, and if she doesn't find her niche then that is OK. I would imagine that she wouldn't want any regrets for not trying.

[Molly05]

Two years ago I listened to my daughter cry over not getting the sorority she thought she should have. She decided that she wanted the Greek experience enough to give it a try anyway. Today she is a leader in the sorority that she "wouldn't fit in with" and loves it dearly. I understand your concern as a mom, but with the leadership skills your daughter has, this sorority may be the place for her to use those, even more than the other sororities that she wanted. It's still a tough time for both of you and I pray your daughter's experience turns out as well as mine did.

[FSUZeta]

yes, yes, yes to what the majority have said.

i am so glad that your daughter has found one sister with similar interests. in a few more days, i bet she has several more girls to add to that list. she will probably get a few more temporary big sisters before her permanent one is assigned, and i know that the officer in charge of that puts a lot of time and effort into trying to make each match a success.

i remember when i first pledged that i was just sort of dazed about the whole process-rush, receiving a bid, the bid day party, meeting all my pledge sisters-my head seemed to swim. it took me a few weeks to find my little niche within the pledge class, but i did.

i am so glad that your daughter has offered to help form an intramural team-all the intitiated sisters must be so impressed-i know i would be! it seems that she is already willing to take on leadership roles. good for her!!

i hope things work out for her. she is taking her rough start and turning it into a golden opportunity. good luck to her!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by augreekmom

For whatever reason, the sorority where my daughter ended up had loved her from the beginning and let her know that every time she visited. She doesn't understand their attraction to her, especially since this is not a very athletically involved bunch, but she is already talking about forming an intramural team if she can find some girls that are willing.

It might be that there are women who would like to be good at athletics but they just aren't - and admire her skills. A lot of times we choose friends and significant others because they have things that "complete" us. I can't throw a ball or anything to save my life, nor could most of my sisters, but we would have been thrilled to pledge an athlete. I don't think most people want to be around absolute clones of themselves all the time.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

My 2nd choice I would have been happy with but definitely not my third.

I say that your daughter give it a few weeks but if she still feels uncomfortable than by all means she should drop out before initiation.

What she said! And ZTAngel, for the record, if you'd have gotten your second choice instead of your first, I'd have been very happy to have you across the street!

AUmom-- your daughter sounds like a terrific girl. The chances of getting a bid at a school like Auburn as an upperclassman are going to be rare, so I do think she should stay put and give it some more time-- at least until just before initiation week.

[kathyc]

She is going to be fine. My daughter was cut after third round from my own sorority and ended up with a bid to the smallest chapter on campus. After the initial tears, I insisted that she go get her bid. I know it might seem like a "pie in the sky" attitude but I believe the girls mostly end up at the place where they belong. My daughter loves, LOVES her sisters and has had leadership opportunities she might not have had if she had been in a larger chapter. She has also met many girls in my chapter and says they are all very sweet, exceptional girls but that she does not believe she fits in with them. I asked her this morning if she had the chance to change places and be a member of any other sorority on campus would she make the switch. Her reply: Not a chance!!! My best to your daughter. I'm sure she will have a wonderful and memorable freshman year.

[cluelessUGAmom]

My daughter does not see herself at her 3rd choice at all. From Day 1 she did not feel the connection but just like Auburn mom's daughter said, she kept being told how happy they would be to have her. She really never understood why since the conversations were not very stimulating.

Well it came time today to complete the pref card and with advice of go ahead and put them down, you can always drop before initiation, she went ahead and put them down as #3.

She is soooo worried now because if she doesn't get either # 1 or # 2 she would rather go into COB because there were many others she liked better than her #3 today. I truly wish she was not given the "drop before initiation" advice today. If she left it off her list then another girl could technically get that spot. If she declines the bid then the house could pick up someone in COB but my daughter would be out of COB.

I pray tonight that she gets #1 or #2 as she would be happy at both and does not even have to be in the same situation as AuburnMom's daughter as my heart would also ache.

I am so proud of Auburn Mom's daughter for taking initiative with her house and looking to start an intramural team!

[UGAalum94]

COB isn't much of a viable option at UGA in terms of having more groups to choose from.

Unless it's a year the campus raised total, few groups participate and even fewer have open events.

[augreekmom]

Originally Posted by cluelessUGAmom

My daughter does not see herself at her 3rd choice at all. From Day 1 she did not feel the connection but just like Auburn mom's daughter said, she kept being told how happy they would be to have her. She really never understood why since the conversations were not very stimulating.

Well it came time today to complete the pref card and with advice of go ahead and put them down, you can always drop before initiation, she went ahead and put them down as #3.

She is soooo worried now because if she doesn't get either # 1 or # 2 she would rather go into COB because there were many others she liked better than her #3 today. I truly wish she was not given the "drop before initiation" advice today. If she left it off her list then another girl could technically get that spot. If she declines the bid then the house could pick up someone in COB but my daughter would be out of COB.

I pray tonight that she gets #1 or #2 as she would be happy at both and does not even have to be in the same situation as AuburnMom's daughter as my heart would also ache.

I am so proud of Auburn Mom's daughter for taking initiative with her house and looking to start an intramural team!

I will pray for your daughter as well. I hope she doesn't have to go through the self-doubt and confusion this brings when it doesn't work out well. It hurts immensely when there isn't anything we as parents can do to console such hurt feelings. Just when I think mine is feeling a little better, she hears about another girl she knows that did get into her #1 and once again can't shake the feeling that she did something wrong or wasn't good enough. I may be wrong but I am not sure why the girls list their preferences. Somehow I'm not sure they have much of a choice really unless you have the right connections whether through recs, legacy or personal connections regardless of what is on their resume. I still pray this works out. She told me this afternoon if it didn't that she would never put herself through this again.

[kathykd2005]

Even if you have recs, legacy status, or chapter connections, you still may not receive a bid. I have known MANY women who had friends in a certain chapter and still did not get in--sometimes that is just the way it works. Mostly everyone who goes through recruitment goes through an emotional roller coster, even at smaller schools. Your daughter's just happens to be one of the most competitive Greek systems in the country. The result of her recruitment is most likely nothing your daughter did, and I know it is difficult to understand, but unless you have been in an NPC sorority or have Panhellenic Council experience, you don't know exactly what goes into the process. I hope your daughter's experience fairs better for her in the coming weeks.

[WarEagle07]

About the party scene.....
Most of the pledges are on their own for the first time. They have no one to report to , or to tell them what they can and can't do. IMHO all of the constant 'party' talk is going to die down a bit as the novelty of being on their own wears off. There will always be some die-hard partiers in every group, but those who partake in moderation will find their niche soon enough. Also, if I am not mistaken, Auburn Panhellenic has an annual powderpuff football game that your daughter may be interested in. I am sure that out of 150-200 girls that the girls who are athletes will find each other and your daughter will have some like minded compadres.

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by IlliniMeg

augreekmom - I so sympathize with your daughter, this happened to me. I think I'll post my retro recruitment story after the hoopla dies down. My chapter was my #3 and actually I was forced to go back to them in later rounds b/c I got cut from a lot of chapters and they asked me back b/c they were smaller and needed numbers.

I had been dirty rushed at one but put it at #2 because my #1 was the more socially acceptable of the two, thinking that if #1 didn't pick me, I'd fall into #2. Not quite. So I got my third choice.

I was devastated the chapter was nothing like I imagined, way too diverse and I only saw a couple people i thought I could mesh with and only my future big sister had rushed me so I didn't even know anyone.

Bid day was unbearable and I cried all day. I went to Bid Night and was horrified at other members of my pledge class, partly because they included the "weird" girl on my dorm floor and I thought I had nothing in common with anyone.

Well about a week later, the chapter got more snap bids and COBs - the computer system made a MAJOR error that year and cut about 80 women who had preffed three chapters so they ended up with NOTHING. So we had new ones trickling in all the time.

About 3 weeks into pledging, we had our retreat. There I discovered about 10 women, like me were shell shocked by our rush experience and no idea how we all got to this chapter. It was like we were orphans in Annie or something. But all 10 of us found each other to be compatible and all thought "This is not the place I wanted to be". We bonded through those thoughts and found that we were the ones we had hoped to find in our chapter.

There is a lot more to my situation than I would guess with your daughter. Our chapter at that time had gone from one of the strongest on campus 10 years before to one the of the smallest. The 10 of us bonded together, made promises that we would initiate for each other, so we could be sisters and then help to make the chapter stronger.

I never would have guessed on Bid Day that I would have stuck it out but had I just made my decision that day, I wouldn't have. I truly believe I was "chosen" to be in that chapter. I ended up making my best friends in the whole wide world and because it was a smaller chapter I got leadership opportunities I probably never would have dreamed of because at another chapter, like one I wanted through rush, I would have tried to hard to fit in and not allowed myself to grow.

I ended up getting a very prestigious leadership position with campus panhellenic and went on to be a national consultant for my sorority leading to friendships and experiences that felt hand picked for my personal and spiritual growth.

My parents went from not really understanding sororities to calling my pledging my chapter "the best decision I've ever made"

Most pledge periods range from 4 weeks to a semester, with most 6 to 8 weeks, and as long as she drops out before initiation she can re-rush next year.

I would encourage her to stick it out for awhile. At this point everything is so overwhelming, with starting classes to living on campus for the first time to rush, that she might gain some clarity with time.

it is a tremendous disappointment though and I don't want you think that you didn't play the game well or take it to be your fault. Large campuses with large greek systems are difficult to manuever and sometimes it's no one's fault but the sheer fact the larger numbers and chapters do not allow proper time to get to know what might be the best fit.

Best wishes and good luck to your daughter no matter what she decides.

Excellent example of if PNMs only gave smaller chapters a chance they could turn the chapters into what they want!