Dating someone with a mental illness - Page 2

PM_Mama00 · #16 08-20-2006, 12:57 PM

Thanks, but that's kind of an old one and asks the question of whether you would date someone with a mental illness. I was looking for more advice and experiences with the situation.

adpiucf · #17 08-20-2006, 03:46 PM

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

Kevin · #18 08-20-2006, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Thanks, but that's kind of an old one and asks the question of whether you would date someone with a mental illness. I was looking for more advice and experiences with the situation.

Every experience is so extremely different that unless you want to be a little more specific, I'm not really sure where anyone could begin. Mental illness is such a vast area, and every case is different.

If your person is able to manage their disease, then maybe it's not such a big deal. If not, run, far and fast. Of course, as to whether they are managing their disease or not, that can change. Be aware of that.

On one hand, I think people with mental illness deserve a chance at a relationship. On the other, I don't think I'd be the person to give such a person that chance.

SydneyK · #19 08-20-2006, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

PM_Mama00 · #20 08-20-2006, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

I totally get what you're saying. We lasted 2 months, and through all that he was lying. I found out what stuff he was lying to me about from someone else, and I don't blame him for lying. We broke it off cuz I couldn't take the lying anyore, and I'd call him out on the stuff that I could. He wasnted to break it off cuz he couldn't take my questions all the time.... this was def for the better. I just don't know if I should keep this friendship going or not.

Scandia · #21 08-20-2006, 08:36 PM

Only major mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia have been mentioned here.

But how about lesser ones, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and the sort? Ones that do not result in the person becoming violent, and that may not even require medication, but that still require some modifications in the person's life. Would that alone deter you from dating someone?

adpiucf · #22 08-20-2006, 09:09 PM

Those people are exhausting enough to have as friends. They always end up being the center of attention, and it's poor me, pity me, pet my head, why does everything always happen to ME, ME, ME?

Yes, I'm generalizing. But I'm also no longer a doormat for the unmedicated.

James · #23 08-21-2006, 03:56 AM

The lying may not have been because of his bipolar. It could just be character flaw. The people that i know that have bi-polar, even the unmedicated ones, don't seem especially deceptive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

I totally get what you're saying. We lasted 2 months, and through all that he was lying. I found out what stuff he was lying to me about from someone else, and I don't blame him for lying. We broke it off cuz I couldn't take the lying anyore, and I'd call him out on the stuff that I could. He wasnted to break it off cuz he couldn't take my questions all the time.... this was def for the better. I just don't know if I should keep this friendship going or not.

AlphaFrog · #24 08-21-2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

The lying may not have been because of his bipolar. It could just be character flaw. The people that i know that have bi-polar, even the unmedicated ones, don't seem especially deceptive.

There was a girl who was on the same floor as me and had the same major, so I saw her all the time (being that there was only 25 of us in the major). She was bi-polar and had the lying/deceptive thing, but again, it could be a character thing, or only certain types of bi-polar.

Drolefille · #25 08-21-2006, 09:25 AM

Not all bi-polars lie, but depending on the strength of the manic phase, they may lie to cover up their activities. If you've just bought 3 cartloads worth of "stuff" (that you don't need) or several new cars (that you can't afford), you'll usually start lying about it to the people who care. At the same time, many bi-polars are just very very sociable during their manic phase. If they're lying it's social lies and exaggerated stories.

Short answer, varies due to the person.

But that doesn't mean it's not a symptom, nor does it say anything about whether the lying will stop if he's on meds or not.

RU OX Alum · #26 08-21-2006, 11:42 AM

I'm manic depresive, one of the few true cases of that alive. It is the most severe form of bipolar disorder.

That's probably why I don't have a girlfriend. I figured that on my own, but glad I got to read about how undateable I am on greek chat. That really clarified it.

Marie · #27 08-21-2006, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

What matters is how they act towards you and whether you like that treatment.

Co-sign. In regards to whether or not you should maintain the friendship, it really depends on how he is interacting with you now and whether or not that is acceptable. You have to take a look at this person and see if you can tolerate the 'friendship' that you will have. According to some of the other posts, it sounds like it will be wrought with ups and downs and may even end tragically. Are you prepared for that?

Rudey · #28 08-21-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amycat412

the ex mr amycat is bi polar and unmedicated. it was an extremely dramatic and difficult relationship. bi polar people do not think or behave rationally. walking on eggshells was the norm.

i suppose it might have made a difference if he were in treatment, but i don't know.

It's kinda mean that you are judging him when you talk constantly about taking psych meds like xanax. Some people just aren't as fortunate.

-Rudey

RU OX Alum · #29 08-21-2006, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

I dated a bi-polar guy who refused to stay on any medication and I gave up after a month (he had other personality issues). I could deal with his manic state.

His "manic" state then probably wasn't truly manic. Submanic periods are usualy as worse as it gets towards the manic side, where he spends money, is up beat, etc. True manic episodes end up with things broken, and people walking through plane glass doors.

Joel Osteen · #30 08-21-2006, 05:08 PM

Hi y'all! Joel Osteen here! I think it's wonderful that some of ya'll are considering dating crazy people, oh pardon me, I mean the mentally ill. When I was in Pastor College back in the mid 80's, my guy friends and I used a word when we spoke about these kinds of people. Sluts. Alright ya'll! Remember to eat your vitamins, take care of your bodies and stay away from bacon! It'll keep your booty shakin!