Be a good big!

PhiMuLadee · #1 06-11-2008, 06:29 PM

Okay, this is pretty random, but I just wanted to ask all the girls in sororities to PLEASE be a good big sis to your lil.

As a freshman last year, i was so excited to find out who my big was. Our chapter is large, and I didn't know many older girls, so I looked forward to becoming friends with my big.

However, that did not happen. After the big/lil reveal [in November], I didn't see her again until Initiation [in January]. She never gave me her phone number (I gave her mine) or acted like she wanted to have any kind of contact with me. She didn't even bother to tell me that she was not going to come to our annual big/lil Christmas party, where I sat next to her empty seat all night holding onto her present that I had carefully selected for her.

She never speaks to me, ever. When I see her at chapter, I smile and wave, and she just looks the other way. Most of my sisters are best friends with their bigs; it just makes me kind of sad that I don't have that with mine.

So please, if you're just a mediocre big sis, try to improve. It really makes your lil feel terrible when her big wants nothing to do with her.

Anyone else have a big/lil story?

nate2512 · #2 06-11-2008, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhiMuLadee

Okay, this is pretty random, but I just wanted to ask all the girls in sororities to PLEASE be a good big sis to your lil.

As a freshman last year, i was so excited to find out who my big was. Our chapter is large, and I didn't know many older girls, so I looked forward to becoming friends with my big.

However, that did not happen. After the big/lil reveal [in November], I didn't see her again until Initiation [in January]. She never gave me her phone number (I gave her mine) or acted like she wanted to have any kind of contact with me. She didn't even bother to tell me that she was not going to come to our annual big/lil Christmas party, where I sat next to her empty seat all night holding onto her present that I had carefully selected for her.

She never speaks to me, ever. When I see her at chapter, I smile and wave, and she just looks the other way. Most of my sisters are best friends with their bigs; it just makes me kind of sad that I don't have that with mine.

So please, if you're just a mediocre big sis, try to improve. It really makes your lil feel terrible when her big wants nothing to do with her.

Anyone else have a big/lil story?

Maybe you could adopt one? Seems quite common from my understanding.

FSUZeta · #3 06-11-2008, 07:47 PM

phimuladee, how sad. i am so sorry that your big isn't into being a big. definately one reason not to force people to be a big if they don't want to be-and that's what this sounds like.

is there some older girl that you do feel close to? close enough that you could talk to her and maybe unofficially adopt her as your big?

no matter what, i imagine that you will be an awesome big this fall when you get a little. maybe you and your future little will have the bond you are missing. good luck!

PhiMuLadee · #4 06-11-2008, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

no matter what, i imagine that you will be an awesome big this fall when you get a little. maybe you and your future little will have the bond you are missing. good luck!

I will definitely be an AMAZING big next year

alphagamgirl06 · #5 07-05-2008, 12:20 AM

Well alpha gam technically doesnt have bigs and little even though my chapter decided to do them any way in addition to sis moms, but bigs are kinda more important to us. My sis mom was not that bad I never really talked to her and we still don't really talk as much as we should. We are very different personality wise. She is kinda socially awkward, a perfectionist, but super sweet. I am very laid back and go with the flow. We tried to hang out but there was always those awkward silent moments. So now when we talk it is either about an alpha gam issue, to take a family picture or just the "hey how are you" but thats it. Now my big right before reveal she was always taking me out and it was great. Like two weeks after reveal we still kinda hung out everyday. But during the summer I would say we spoke once on the phone. Since she was a Rho Gam in the fall we didn't talk much. For the rest of the semester we would hug and have small talk but we never would hung out. It was the same way at the beginning of the spring. She decided that she was going to take another little and things changed. She started stopping by my place all the time we started hanging out a lot. Then when reveal came she bought me and my new twin family shirts. Now the three of us hang out all the time. I am not sure what happened during that quite period we had but thing are good now.

As for me as a big I have two little, one that I adopted. The adopted one got a big who was a senior who had a demanding job and was applying to grad school, she honestly didn't have time for the sorority let alone a little. So I decided to adopt her because she was my sis daughter anyway. I love my littles I try to hang out with them as much as I can.

WinniBug · #6 06-11-2008, 07:49 PM

I have taken 3 littles. I haven't really had a successful relationship with any of them, and don't have any grand-littles.

The first one, I was really close to when I took her, but then she kinda spazzed and I don't really know what happened there, but she isn't really an enjoyable person to hang out with.
The second little I took didn't come to ANYTHING after the big/little ceremony.
My third little quit school after one active semester. She's nice enough, but I feel a little awkward around her. Anytime I ask to do anything with her, she either says "some other time", or says "ok" like she doesn't really mean it.
:-(

lauralaylin · #7 06-11-2008, 09:11 PM

And on the flip side, people need to be good littles too. My little did nothing for me for senior week, and at one point another senior started to feel bad for me all alone and helped me out, but it was really sad.

KSUViolet06 · #8 06-11-2008, 09:26 PM

I have a pretty good relationship with my Big (I'm going to be in her wedding) and also with my Little (she and I live very close to each other).

Some things to think about:

I think it needs to be said that Big and Little Sis relationships are just like any other relationship. They take some work. It is a 2 way street. I'm not saying that this is what you're doing, but alot of new members feel like "OMG my Big doesn't spend every moment of her life with me like some othe bigs do, my big sucks!!" or "I'm the Little and she's the Big, she should make an effort to talk to ME!" Littles need to make the effort to interact with the Bigs as well.

Conversely Bigs need to think more before deciding to take on a Little Sis. Being a Big is not all about "OMG I am going to spoil my Little and buy her presents that are better than everyone elses." It's also not about "I'm going to take her because she wanted me." When you take on the responsibility, you're agreeing to be a mentor to that person, not just a gift giver.

I think sororities need to examine the Big-Little Sis program within their group and make sure that it is serving its correct purpose. They need to make sure that members understand that being a Big is more than spending money and it is more than the NM period.

Also new girls need to understand that the Big/Little relationship, while important, is not neccessarily the most important relationship you will ever have within the sorority. I think there's a HUGE misconception in sororities that your Big Sis will be your BFF in the chapter and you will be so super close. That's just not true. I love my Big of course and we are very good friends but she is not my closest friend from the sorority (my house room mate is actually). So there are girls you will be closer to who are not your Big Sis, and that's okay.

Best of luck with your situation and hopefully you can be a good Big yourself.

FSUZeta · #9 06-12-2008, 08:32 AM

"Also new girls need to understand that the Big/Little relationship, while important, is not neccessarily the most important relationship you will ever have within the sorority. I think there's a HUGE misconception in sororities that your Big Sis will be your BFF in the chapter and you will be so super close. That's just not true. I love my Big of course and we are very good friends but she is not my closest friend from the sorority (my house room mate is actually). So there are girls you will be closer to who are not your Big Sis, and that's okay. "ksuviolet 06

so true!!

33girl · #10 06-12-2008, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

"Also new girls need to understand that the Big/Little relationship, while important, is not neccessarily the most important relationship you will ever have within the sorority. I think there's a HUGE misconception in sororities that your Big Sis will be your BFF in the chapter and you will be so super close. That's just not true. I love my Big of course and we are very good friends but she is not my closest friend from the sorority (my house room mate is actually). So there are girls you will be closer to who are not your Big Sis, and that's okay.

Exactly - sometimes it happens, but sometimes not. My little & I weren't close because her best friend pledged at the same time - she already HAD a best friend in the chapter. My little little and I, on the other hand, are best friends, still.

Senusret I · #11 06-11-2008, 10:08 PM

Just wanted to say people in coeds and guys in fraternities need to take heed as well if you have big/little programs.

Still BLUTANG · #12 06-12-2008, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Just wanted to say people in coeds and guys in fraternities need to take heed as well if you have big/little programs.

duly noted.

MaggieXi · #13 06-12-2008, 08:38 AM

My big and I had a major falling out the end of my sophmore year. We had one huge fight in the middle of our greek courts - over the fact that she didn't like that I had started hanging out with other sisters that she didn't like. She told me to go find a new big and that she was "de-littling me". After that she pretty much just stopped speaking to me and my lil.

My lil and I got really close after that and then my grand-lil joined our fam. All 3 of us got along great. We weren't each others best friends in the sorority, but we were friends and we were allies and we tried to do "family" things together on occassion. 8 years later I still talk to both my lil and my grandlil.

PM_Mama00 · #14 06-12-2008, 10:06 AM

My original big and I were really close, until she got her next lil sis. Then it was like I didn't exist. There was an older member who stood in for my big because she couldn't make it to initiation. This older member lived near me (commuter campus) so she was pretty much my "big" sis. I made her a paddle with "Pseudo Big Sis" on it. She graduated and we kept in touch once in a while, but not much. I became very close to another sister and considered her my big sis from then on.

My original big sis took on another lil sis. When she left the sorority to help start a new local (not too long after that sister's initiation) I took on the big sistership of the lil. Seven years later we still call each other big sis/lil sis. Sometimes you just gota go with the flow and you don't always have to be close to that person who was given to you.

AOII Angel · #15 06-12-2008, 10:44 AM

I think it's nice when big/lil sister combos work out to be great friends, but the purpose of a Big Sis is to give the new member a mentor. In AOII, she also vouches for the new member. If you aren't best of friends, at least, the Big Sis should be available to answer questions and should take an interest in making sure her lil's new member period is successful. If she can't do those things, she has no business being a big sis.