First time writing a rec...

breathesgelatin · #1 04-27-2008, 12:21 AM

So I have a question for the older alums out there who write recommendations regularly.

I've been asked for the first time to write a recommendation for a young woman. It's no one I know personally - a friend of a friend kind of situation. I have no hesitations writing this person a rec, as she sounds like a great candidate and I know at the school she's going to she will definitely need recs for every org and doesn't yet have one for mine. I'm happy to do a favor. But...

When you're contacted by a parent and asked to write a rec, what kind of information do you need to ask for? It's sort of an awkward situation but obviously I need enough info on the girl to write a rec. I don't know how much her mother knows about recruitment (just got an email saying "I still desperately need recs for XYZ and ABC") so I don't know exactly how to phrase my response to the parent.

Feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable with that.

KSUViolet06 · #2 04-27-2008, 12:47 AM

I'd ask her for a resume or something that lists her GPA, HS activities, other activities, honors and awards, and community service. That is what the ladies who write recs in the local alumna chapter ask for.

alum · #3 04-27-2008, 12:53 AM

I would ask for the girl's resume to be followed up with an interview if necessary especially if you don't know the girl.

I have written many recommendations for Kappa and Carnegie Mellon. I would never write a Carnegie Mellon reference without an interview and resume, no matter how well I know the applicant. I have even written character references for 2 neighbor boys going before their Eagle Scout Boards of Review. Even though I have known both boys for years and knew what they did for ECs and jobs, the resume helped me tie everything together. Even though these are all different types of recommendations, the principle is the same. When asked by my son's Scoutmaster, I will serve on the troop Boards of Review to interview the Scouts striving for their next rank.

violetpretty · #4 04-27-2008, 10:34 AM

If the girl is too far away to meet up for coffee/ice cream/lunch somewhere, I'd want to talk to her on the phone.

honeychile · #5 04-27-2008, 11:44 AM

The first time is always the hardest!

I don't know what's on your rec sheets, but I always start out the interview (in person or telephone) by saying that you're going to ask some embarrassing questions, and that the more honest they are about answering them, the easier it will be. I've even asked for a resume, much like KSUViolet, and told the ladies what you need to know.

gee_ess · #6 04-27-2008, 06:41 PM

I always ask for a resume and a picture (which I send with the rec). It would not be unusual at all to, at least, talk with her on the phone. I would just "chat" with her to get to know her better. It would be an opportunity to find out why she chose to go to that college, why she is going Greek, what dorm, etc. In a way, it will be a dry run for opening round of rush! If you can get to know her a little bit on the phone, it will be easier to make her rec more personal.

As stated earlier, the first few are the hardest!

FSUZeta · #7 04-27-2008, 07:25 PM

agree with what everyone has said so far.after you have read her resume, try to meet her for a coffee if you can, or speak with her on the phone.

AnchorAlumna · #8 04-27-2008, 08:01 PM

Ask for a grade transcript, even an unofficial one. And don't forget to ask for parents' names, addresses, if they are members of GLOs...and what they do for a living! Also any other GLO relatives. And I also ask the roommate's name...you never know, it might come in handy.

PeppyGPhiB · #9 04-28-2008, 04:33 PM

Ask the mother to have the young lady contact you directly so you can get more information. This is a good time for the daughter to start getting used to dealing with adults on a regular basis.

violetpretty · #10 04-28-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

And don't forget to ask for parents' names, addresses, if they are members of GLOs...and what they do for a living! And I also ask the roommate's name...you never know, it might come in handy.

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

#11 04-28-2008, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

True that. I didn't even know who my freshman year roommate was until the weekend before school started.

Aside from sheer curiosity, I still feel that asking what your parents' occupations are is kinda creepy and I roll my eyes at Panhellenic applications who still ask for that.

breathesgelatin · #12 04-28-2008, 07:17 PM

Thanks for the advice guys! Feel free to keep it coming!

AnchorAlumna · #13 04-28-2008, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house). A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.
Also, if the parents went to college, ask where.

violetpretty · #14 04-29-2008, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

Oh! That's right...Mommy and Daddy pay for everything! And appearances are always as they seem! A friend of mine's mom is a high school English teacher and her dad is a retired cop. My dad is a scientist at NASA and my mom owns her own Physical Therapy practice. One might assume based on the job titles that my family has more disposable income, but I can assure you the opposite is true.
ETA: Said friend joined a "good" chapter at an SEC school.

Please, do you mean to tell me that this question is actually asked to see "if they can pay dues" and not as a measure of who would fit in based on how rich of a family they come from? I don't buy that excuse. Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.

My experience is from a campus with a serious lack of housing problem, but I'm pretty sure the universal deadline to send in your acceptance and deposit is May 1 (unless you're doing early decision). I think I've read on some threads on GC some chapters on certain campuses like to have recs by June. My school didn't send out roommate assignments until mid August (2 weeks before move-in). Even if you request to live with someone, there's no guarantee you'll get matched with them. So unless the school guarantees requests and sends out assignments early, how could they know?

KSUViolet06 · #15 04-29-2008, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

In theory, this seems like a good indicator of whether someone would be able to afford to be in sorority. It's oddly not always the case. The girls in my chapter who had the biggest issues with paying dues were girls who didn't work and whose dads made six-figure salaries. Then there were girls whose dads were blue-collar workers who paid everything on time consistently.