Dilema

[schiller75]

I would like to hear some of your advice on this particular subject. My fraternity is the newest on our campus and I feel that even though we have been installed and are fully accepted we still need to fight to be accepted by the other greek organizations. I feel that we are at a particularly vital crossroads right now and the decisions we make will have a lasting impact on the longevity and success of our fraterinty.
First off I have to say that I love all my brothers equally and will fight to defend each and everyone to the end. My dilema is that we have a few of brothers who are openly gay (I am fine with that), they are great guys and contribute greatly to the fraternity and to the school. The problem is that many of their other homosexual friends are seeing the fact that our fraternity has gay members and see our fraternity as a place where they can belong. Again I have no problem with some of our brothers being gay, but I am concerned with the possible effects that accepting any new members who are openly gay may pose on our future. I do have a problem with some flamboyant behavior that has existed and may result from an increasing population of homosexual brothers. I so do not want to see my fraternity turned into a gay dating organization or losing good members because of this issue. I am concerned with our reputation with the other greeks as well as what it will do to potentials that may be swayed to join another fraternity solely on this fact. I want my fraternity to continue to grow and become a greek organization that can build young men based on the principles of our founders.
How can I go about expressing my beliefs to my brothers without upsetting the balance and sense of community that we have built. I have spoken with several of our straight brothers privately and they have expressed the same thoughts that I have. We dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but we do want to do what is right for the fraternity.

[adpiucf]

Address it with your chapter president and have the exec board deal with these concerns. As a new member, your place is to follow the chain of command and allow the chapter leadership to open these types of dialogues with the chapters. You may also want to consider running for an office in the spring. I don't think you sound homophobic; you sound like you are concerned about the reputation of your chapter. No organization wants to be singled out as "the jocks fraternity," "the geeks," or "the gay fraternity." You want to have a mix of many things.

ETA: I re-read and saw that you were a recently installed chapter. The advice remains the same-- address this with your president or VP of membership, and have them discuss it with the chapter.

[LaneSig]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Address it with your chapter president and have the exec board deal with these concerns. As a new member, your place is to follow the chain of command and allow the chapter leadership to open these types of dialogues with the chapters. You may also want to consider running for an office in the spring. I don't think you sound homophobic; you sound like you are concerned about the reputation of your chapter. No organization wants to be singled out as "the jocks fraternity," "the geeks," or "the gay fraternity." You want to have a mix of many things.

ETA: I re-read and saw that you were a recently installed chapter. The advice remains the same-- address this with your president or VP of membership, and have them discuss it with the chapter.

adpiucf is giving good advice. You can also speak to your chapter advisors and get their input.

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

adpiucf is giving good advice. You can also speak to your chapter advisors and get their input.

Don't talk to your chapter advisors, they won't help you at all, with anything. Ever. Sorry, but as a new chapter, they think you will probably fail within the first couple of years. Sad but true.

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

That being said, you won't gain the respect of other chapters untill you start winning stuff. Intramurals, President cup, etc.

Also, unforetunetly, male adolencese doesn't end until about 25, so that means that you will probably have to fight another fraternity, if your campus is like mine was.

Actually, if you go through your college expericence without another group wanting to fight you because they are jealous I will be surprised.

Also, make sure that everyone gets in because of HIMSELF not his sexual orientation, etc.

[amanda6035]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Don't talk to your chapter advisors, they won't help you at all, with anything. Ever. Sorry, but as a new chapter, they think you will probably fail within the first couple of years. Sad but true.

That's the most ignorant piece of BS I've ever heard. New chapters struggle, yes, but give the advisors a little more credit than that.

OP - listen to adpiucf. She's hit the nail on the head.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

This would be my suggestion. The problem is, though, it's hard to enforce.

[LPIDelta]

This is where setting recruitment standards for your chapter would come into play. If you establish standards like a certain GPA or previous involvement in community service or involvement in another campus org as a standard that all potential new members must meet, regardless of personal background, then quality will become the reputation of chapter, not the personal attributes of a few of your members.

Does your fraternity have a discrimination clause re: sexual orientation?

ETA: Also, if you want other groups to accept you while developing a positive image, you may want to make sure you mix with all the groups, join the groups with their philanthropy projects, and get involved with planning all Greek events.

[Stef the Pef]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

Ding ding ding. I love the fact that your fraternity is open to gay brothers, but where it gets sticky is the idea that brothers-dating-brothers could turn sour and cause some to leave because of dating drama. Make sure everyone knows that a fraternity is a commitment for life, and a commitment to the rest of the chapter and the rest of the membership as well. Don't get pressured into giving "boyfriend bids" if you feel the mister isn't a good fit for the chapter.

adpiucf's advice is dead-on. Consult the chapter leadership, the advisors, and try to avoid drama as much as possible with the bylaw thing. Also, I'd try talking to the gay members who've already become part of the chapter and make sure they're cool with a "no dating brothers" bylaw clause. Even though you're trying to avoid drama by going straight to the leadership, it might create drama when they see that someone in the chapter didn't consult them when making chapter decisions that relate to their lifestyle.

And like everyone else has said--I wouldn't worry that your house is becoming "the gay house" or not if you continue to put what's important to the fraternity first: initiating brothers who are a good fit for the house and striving for success in everything you do (be it intramurals, greek week, or whatever). Keep doing what you're doing and it looks like you'll be fine.

Good luck!

[Tom Earp]

What is the old saying, "Be A Bigger Person".

There is book that I received from a fellow Brother that you may want to order.

"Out On Fraternity Row".

It gives an idea of what you are talking about.

Many times Members will keep being gay a secret and are great Brothers.

Oh, I am not Gay, and when they come out, they are ostrocized and that is wrong!

The question is, are they an asset to your chapter. Are they helping your chapter.

Dating, well that i am not sure about.