As an interest, should I keep my relationship with a member of a D9 org a secret?

[naturalveil]

Hey everyone,
I’m new to this forum so forgive me if this is kind of question is taboo. My boyfriend and I have been together in a serious relationship for some time now, although we aren’t ‘official’ in the sense that people publicly know we’re a couple. Part of the reason being is that he’s a member of a D9 fraternity (and has been for several years now) while I’m interested in DST.

He has told me that it’s in my best interest (in terms of potentially becoming a member of DST) if our relationship isn’t made public until after I’ve crossed (IF I’m given the opportunity obviously, I don’t mean to sound as if it’s a sure thing). At this point, I let the sorors on my campus know of my interest months ago and I’ve begun to get to know them, but that’s as far as it’s gone since there was no intake this semester (and yes, I’ve done my research and plenty of soul searching and I’m sure of not only why DST is right for me but I’m also aware of what I have to offer DST). Which means that at the very earliest, I couldn’t possibly cross until Fall of this year. (Which is pretty far off if you think about trying to keep an aspect of your life like a romantic relationship out of the public eye for so long).

His fraternity’s chapter is very close to the DST chapter here and it’s no secret that he and I are ‘friends’ so we are fairly certain that questions about our relationship will come up in my interactions with the Delta’s at some point. He’s told me that he can’t reveal why keeping us a secret is in my best interest right now, and won’t do so until either I’ve successfully crossed or I’ve decided to take the risk and be honest about he and I.

Oh and as a side note, although he’s never been in a relationship with any of the ladies of this chapter, he has had sex with a couple in the past before he and I met. This sure does complicate things a little…

Although he claims the reasons I’ve come up with aren’t correct, the only things I can think of in terms of why it might be better to keep us a secret are:
1) The women who he’s been with physically in the past or who may be interested in him presently might wrongly hold it against me and
2) Since they know he’s greek, they might feel that my interest isn’t genuine and wasn’t sparked until I met him (which isn’t the case)

I feel like if I’m dishonest about my relationship now, the Deltas will either know I’m lying which obviously isn’t a good look, or if I cross and then my relationship is revealed, they’ll be upset that I lied in the first place. I don’t want to start out by having animosity or drama between myself and the other ladies. He’s told me that although it’s true they might not be happy once they find out, it still wouldn’t be worse than if they knew from the beginning. I would hate for something so petty to ruin my chances if in all other aspects I’m a good aspirant, but at the same time we’d both prefer to actually be able to hold hands in public and things like that.

Sorry I needed to give so much background info for you to fully understand the situation but basically my question is this: should I be upfront about my relationship if asked about it and deal with any possible repercussions (even if it means decreasing my likelihood of attaining membership) or should I be secretive now, and deal with the possibility of starting off on the wrong foot with some women? And also, if the two reasons I stated earlier for why I think he says it’s in my best interest to keep us a secret are incorrect, what do you think the real reasons are? I’m just trying to make a well informed decision and I don’t want to have regrets about which way I choose to handle this.

Thank you
-NaturalVeil

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

Hey everyone,
I’m new to this forum so forgive me if this is kind of question is taboo. My boyfriend and I have been together in a serious relationship for some time now, although we aren’t ‘official’ in the sense that people publicly know we’re a couple. Part of the reason being is that he’s a member of a D9 fraternity (and has been for several years now) while I’m interested in DST.

He has told me that it’s in my best interest (in terms of potentially becoming a member of DST) if our relationship isn’t made public until after I’ve crossed (IF I’m given the opportunity obviously, I don’t mean to sound as if it’s a sure thing). At this point, I let the sorors on my campus know of my interest months ago and I’ve begun to get to know them, but that’s as far as it’s gone since there was no intake this semester (and yes, I’ve done my research and plenty of soul searching and I’m sure of not only why DST is right for me but I’m also aware of what I have to offer DST). Which means that at the very earliest, I couldn’t possibly cross until Fall of this year. (Which is pretty far off if you think about trying to keep an aspect of your life like a romantic relationship out of the public eye for so long).

His fraternity’s chapter is very close to the DST chapter here and it’s no secret that he and I are ‘friends’ so we are fairly certain that questions about our relationship will come up in my interactions with the Delta’s at some point. He’s told me that he can’t reveal why keeping us a secret is in my best interest right now, and won’t do so until either I’ve successfully crossed or I’ve decided to take the risk and be honest about he and I.

Oh and as a side note, although he’s never been in a relationship with any of the ladies of this chapter, he has had sex with a couple in the past before he and I met. This sure does complicate things a little…

Although he claims the reasons I’ve come up with aren’t correct, the only things I can think of in terms of why it might be better to keep us a secret are:
1) The women who he’s been with physically in the past or who may be interested in him presently might wrongly hold it against me and
2) Since they know he’s greek, they might feel that my interest isn’t genuine and wasn’t sparked until I met him (which isn’t the case)

I feel like if I’m dishonest about my relationship now, the Deltas will either know I’m lying which obviously isn’t a good look, or if I cross and then my relationship is revealed, they’ll be upset that I lied in the first place. I don’t want to start out by having animosity or drama between myself and the other ladies. He’s told me that although it’s true they might not be happy once they find out, it still wouldn’t be worse than if they knew from the beginning. I would hate for something so petty to ruin my chances if in all other aspects I’m a good aspirant, but at the same time we’d both prefer to actually be able to hold hands in public and things like that.

Sorry I needed to give so much background info for you to fully understand the situation but basically my question is this: should I be upfront about my relationship if asked about it and deal with any possible repercussions (even if it means decreasing my likelihood of attaining membership) or should I be secretive now, and deal with the possibility of starting off on the wrong foot with some women? And also, if the two reasons I stated earlier for why I think he says it’s in my best interest to keep us a secret are incorrect, what do you think the real reasons are? I’m just trying to make a well informed decision and I don’t want to have regrets about which way I choose to handle this.

Thank you
-NaturalVeil

QFP
1. Get a dictionary 2. Discretion...look it up

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

Hey everyone,
I’m new to this forum so forgive me if this is kind of question is taboo. My boyfriend and I have been together in a serious relationship for some time now, although we aren’t ‘official’ in the sense that people publicly know we’re a couple. Part of the reason being is that he’s a member of a D9 fraternity (and has been for several years now) while I’m interested in DST.

He has told me that it’s in my best interest (in terms of potentially becoming a member of DST) if our relationship isn’t made public until after I’ve crossed (IF I’m given the opportunity obviously, I don’t mean to sound as if it’s a sure thing). At this point, I let the sorors on my campus know of my interest months ago and I’ve begun to get to know them, but that’s as far as it’s gone since there was no intake this semester (and yes, I’ve done my research and plenty of soul searching and I’m sure of not only why DST is right for me but I’m also aware of what I have to offer DST). Which means that at the very earliest, I couldn’t possibly cross until Fall of this year. (Which is pretty far off if you think about trying to keep an aspect of your life like a romantic relationship out of the public eye for so long).

His fraternity’s chapter is very close to the DST chapter here and it’s no secret that he and I are ‘friends’ so we are fairly certain that questions about our relationship will come up in my interactions with the Delta’s at some point. He’s told me that he can’t reveal why keeping us a secret is in my best interest right now, and won’t do so until either I’ve successfully crossed or I’ve decided to take the risk and be honest about he and I.

Oh and as a side note, although he’s never been in a relationship with any of the ladies of this chapter, he has had sex with a couple in the past before he and I met. This sure does complicate things a little…

Although he claims the reasons I’ve come up with aren’t correct, the only things I can think of in terms of why it might be better to keep us a secret are:
1) The women who he’s been with physically in the past or who may be interested in him presently might wrongly hold it against me and
2) Since they know he’s greek, they might feel that my interest isn’t genuine and wasn’t sparked until I met him (which isn’t the case)

I feel like if I’m dishonest about my relationship now, the Deltas will either know I’m lying which obviously isn’t a good look, or if I cross and then my relationship is revealed, they’ll be upset that I lied in the first place. I don’t want to start out by having animosity or drama between myself and the other ladies. He’s told me that although it’s true they might not be happy once they find out, it still wouldn’t be worse than if they knew from the beginning. I would hate for something so petty to ruin my chances if in all other aspects I’m a good aspirant, but at the same time we’d both prefer to actually be able to hold hands in public and things like that.

Sorry I needed to give so much background info for you to fully understand the situation but basically my question is this: should I be upfront about my relationship if asked about it and deal with any possible repercussions (even if it means decreasing my likelihood of attaining membership) or should I be secretive now, and deal with the possibility of starting off on the wrong foot with some women? And also, if the two reasons I stated earlier for why I think he says it’s in my best interest to keep us a secret are incorrect, what do you think the real reasons are? I’m just trying to make a well informed decision and I don’t want to have regrets about which way I choose to handle this.

Thank you
-NaturalVeil

You're nothing more than his "jump off." He's having sex with other people. He doesn't want a public relationship because he wants to keep doing what he's doing. He is probably the campus frat manwhore.

This has absolutely nothing to do with membership in an organization.

ETA: The Deltas (do NOT call them "sorors"--your self-professed boyfriend should've told you that) may or may not be bothered that you're having sex with someone a few of them had sex with. That's only if they want him like that and care enough for it to impact your membership chances. They certainly aren't the only sorority and nonsorority women who have had sex with him on campus. But, it is probably moreso that you THINK the campus frat manwhore who is making you paranoid about outing your relationship is actually your boyfriend. That is laughable.

[naturalveil]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You're nothing more than his "jump off." He's having sex with other people. He doesn't want a public relationship because he wants to keep doing what he's doing. He is probably the campus frat manwhore.

This has absolutely nothing to do with membership in an organization.

ETA: The Deltas (do NOT call them "sorors"--your self-professed boyfriend should've told you that) may or may not be bothered that you're having sex with someone a few of them had sex with. That's only if they want him like that and care enough for it to impact your membership chances. They certainly aren't the only sorority and nonsorority women who have had sex with him on campus. But, it is probably moreso that you THINK the campus frat manwhore who is making you paranoid about outing your relationship is actually your boyfriend. That is laughable.

There really wasn't any need for the nastiness in your message...if that was a result of me using "sorors", sorry for the misterminology. I felt repetitive saying "the Deltas" over and over again, I meant it as a reference to them as sisters to each other, not MY sisters (I know they are not). I think you made a lot of assumptions and passed judgment unnecessarily (for example, I don't remember saying he and I are having sex, and referring to me as his "jumpoff" and him as a manwhore? that's a big leap for a stranger to make.) All you really had to say was they may or may not be bothered by it, since that's what I was asking. But uh, thanks.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You're nothing more than his "jump off." He's having sex with other people. He doesn't want a public relationship because he wants to keep doing what he's doing. He is probably the campus frat manwhore.

This has absolutely nothing to do with membership in an organization.

I was reading this thinking, "I know NPHC is different...but it sounds like he's playing her." Thanks for the confirmation.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

I was reading this thinking, "I know NPHC is different...but it sounds like he's playing her." Thanks for the confirmation.

NPHC isn't different when it comes to a man telling a woman it may be in her best interest to keep their relationship secret.

The OP is an idiot who still thinks this is about sorority membership. If "they may or may not be bothered by it" is what her mind wanted to hear then...sure.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

I am an idiot in a secret relationship with the campus frat manwhore.

Shut up, fool.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Shut up, fool.

[NiaX]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

There really wasn't any need for the nastiness in your message...if that was a result of me using "sorors", sorry for the misterminology. I felt repetitive saying "the Deltas" over and over again, I meant it as a reference to them as sisters to each other, not MY sisters (I know they are not). I think you made a lot of assumptions and passed judgment unnecessarily (for example, I don't remember saying he and I are having sex, and referring to me as his "jumpoff" and him as a manwhore? that's a big leap for a stranger to make.) All you really had to say was they may or may not be bothered by it, since that's what I was asking. But uh, thanks.

To answer the original question... there isn't any qualms/issue to being in a relationship with a guy that is in a D9 frat.

To answer this post... defensive much?

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

There really wasn't any need for the nastiness in your message...if that was a result of me using "sorors", sorry for the misterminology. I felt repetitive saying "the Deltas" over and over again, I meant it as a reference to them as sisters to each other, not MY sisters (I know they are not). I think you made a lot of assumptions and passed judgment unnecessarily (for example, I don't remember saying he and I are having sex, and referring to me as his "jumpoff" and him as a manwhore? that's a big leap for a stranger to make.) All you really had to say was they may or may not be bothered by it, since that's what I was asking. But uh, thanks.

So now you know not to use the term soror--a lesson learned.

But you have a bigger one to learn. Maybe if you had read your own post you would have seen how it would come across to others. It screams of implications that led to easily made assumptions. For example--serious relationship. Since you didn't indicate anywhere in your post that you are super religious the assumption would be that sex is involved.

Second, a man who has casual sex is called a manwhore. Simple as that.

Third, you came on a public messgae board of strangers and tell us TMI. Then you wonder why the reaction is such. Your need to expound about the relationship was unncessary. All you had to say ask was is it better to keep a relationship with a D9 member secret if you are an interest? However, your justification of the relationship shows that deep down you know something isn't right. And your reaction to others saying it speaks volumes.

Finally, insulting a member of the org to which you belong is never a good thing. The D9 world is too small.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

Finally, insulting a member of the org to which you belong is never a good thing. The D9 world is too small.

Luckily for her I'm not easily insulted and feel sorry for her more than anything else. Either way, I wouldn't care so much as to try to ruin her (perhaps already slim) chances.

[IlovemyAKA]

Oh wow. I hadn't even made it here yet. The Deltas on that campus are dodging a bullet. She'll be her own downfall if she hasn't succeeded at that already.

Originally Posted by naturalveil

There really wasn't any need for the nastiness in your message...if that was a result of me using "sorors", sorry for the misterminology. I felt repetitive saying "the Deltas" over and over again, I meant it as a reference to them as sisters to each other, not MY sisters (I know they are not). I think you made a lot of assumptions and passed judgment unnecessarily (for example, I don't remember saying he and I are having sex, and referring to me as his "jumpoff" and him as a manwhore? that's a big leap for a stranger to make.) All you really had to say was they may or may not be bothered by it, since that's what I was asking. But uh, thanks.

[xp2k]

To quote the famous Chris Rock's "No Sex in the Champagne Room":

"If you've been dating a man for four months and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!"

[DIVA1177]

Sensuret--*dead* Those pics are going to keep me laughing ALL DAY.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by naturalveil

Hey everyone,
I’m new to this forum so forgive me if this is kind of question is taboo. My boyfriend and I have been together in a serious relationship for some time now, although we aren’t ‘official’ in the sense that people publicly know we’re a couple. Part of the reason being is that he’s a member of a D9 fraternity (and has been for several years now) while I’m interested in DST.

He has told me that it’s in my best interest (in terms of potentially becoming a member of DST) if our relationship isn’t made public until after I’ve crossed (IF I’m given the opportunity obviously, I don’t mean to sound as if it’s a sure thing).

I stopped here. WAKE UP!