Dating and finances

DaemonSeid · #1 03-05-2010, 07:22 AM

I was on an show last night that discussed this and thought I would put this age old question out to the group:

In these economical times, how feasible is it to cling to the age old belief that the 'man should pay for everything' on the first (or any) date?

Should anyone have to 'pay for everything' on a date?

When and why?

When is a good time to decide on finances when dating someone?

cheerfulgreek · #2 03-05-2010, 07:30 AM

I thought this was posted already.

Well, I'll bite anyway.
I just think it should work both ways.

DaemonSeid · #3 03-05-2010, 09:18 AM

It probably was...o well this is what happens at 6am.

This came up because the program I was on, the hosts wanted to 'redefine' dating and does it mean more than just who can spend what on the first dates.

I think the perspective we wanted to show was during the times we were living in now with economics being what it is, should people adjust their ideas and beliefs on who should do what in the initial courting (dating) stages?

Discussion ensues...

(Sidebar: I hate you people....the other day, at her suggestion, s/o and I snuck cold cuts in to The Wolfman movie! GC is a bad influence!!!!)

33girl · #4 03-05-2010, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

(Sidebar: I hate you people....the other day, at her suggestion, s/o and I snuck cold cuts in to The Wolfman movie! GC is a bad influence!!!!)

LOL

I agree with Dee, whoever asks should pay, and guys, don't think you have to take her to Ruth's Chris plus a theater production afterwards. There are some girls out there dating just to see what they can scam from guys, which is exactly why the first date should be fairly low key.

Sidebar: I realize that guys want to be "safe" on the first date, but for the love of all that's holy, if you have other choices available, stay away from boring chain restaurants. It just smacks of having zero imagination or personality. A guy took me to Bar Louie for the first date and if the Yankees hat he was wearing wasn't bad enough, this just added to it. I'd rather go to a place you truly dig.

chickenoodle · #5 03-05-2010, 07:26 PM

When my s/o and I started dating, he was working full time in a sweet managerial position. He asked me to a movie and afterward, we ended up at Denny's talking for 3 hours about everything. I agree a first date should be low-key. It should involve an activity that encourages lots of talking and I don't know of an expensive date that will really allow for that.

S/o and I have been going dutch since August. We're both full time students on a very limited income. It's not really fair for one person to pay all the time.

christiangirl · #6 03-05-2010, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

Whoever asks should pay.

That's my philosophy.

The only times I've ever paid everything for a date were:
*When I took a guy out on his birthday. I planned the whole thing as a gift to him.
*I went to the movies with a guy and he was late, so I bought the tickets (didn't want them to sell out). He bought me snacks.
*I was on a date where we randomly stopped for coffee and I paid that time--it was the 5th date and he'd paid for the first 4 dates. At that point, he had been so good to me that I wanted to do something for him, even if it was just coffee.

Honestly, up until a couple months ago I've always been a student on a student's budget. I'm always up for free stuff (a walk in the park, hanging out at a bookstore, etc). If we go somewhere that requires money, it's almost never my idea. If he wants to go there, he can pay.

cheerfulgreek · #7 03-06-2010, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

(Sidebar: I hate you people....the other day, at her suggestion, s/o and I snuck cold cuts in to The Wolfman movie! GC is a bad influence!!!!)

lol
I just got back from seeing a movie, and there was a couple there that brought in Subway. I knew it was Subway because I could smell it when they walked right by where we were sitting. I saw this post earlier and I thought about GC so I just had to post it.

honeychile · #8 03-06-2010, 03:33 AM

RE: Man always paying for the first date.
I have had more than one man tell me that he paid for dinner, therefore I owed him sex. I've told each that there are names for women who feel that way, and that if I was a hooker, he wouldn't be able to afford me.

I think it depends on the situation, and also one's dating history. I always want to pay for something, just so the above scenario doesn't happen yet again. I've also had male friends tell me that, if the woman doesn't at least offer to pay for the tip or whatever, they consider her a user.

A similar situation is men not knowing whether or not to open doors for a woman. They're always surprised to learn that a woman may want to have the car door opened for them (especially in the rain!), but have to find something to do other than look bored and privledged (sp?) while waiting for him to get to the woman's side.

Little32 · #9 03-06-2010, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

RE: Man always paying for the first date.
I have had more than one man tell me that he paid for dinner, therefore I owed him sex. I've told each that there are names for women who feel that way, and that if I was a hooker, he wouldn't be able to afford me.

I think it depends on the situation, and also one's dating history. I always want to pay for something, just so the above scenario doesn't happen yet again. I've also had male friends tell me that, if the woman doesn't at least offer to pay for the tip or whatever, they consider her a user.

To the first, that is something that I have heard about and was warned about by older women that I know, but I have never had a guy explicitly say that to me or even really intimate it. And honestly, he's lucky if he gets more than a warm handshake.

On the other hand, I have had guys that thought they would get sex just for calling me. Like, "Hey, how are you doing, want me to come over?" :neutral: These are probably the guys who would just know they were getting lucky if they went so far as to treat me to dinner. That's why with them there are no first dates.

To the second, I was talking to a friend of mine about this last night. He was saying that the guys he knows definitely look for a woman to reciprocate in some way as things progress (though not necessarily in the first few dates), because if she doesn't they start to think that maybe she is selfish/inconsiderate, and that makes sense to me too.

33girl · #10 03-06-2010, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

RE: Man always paying for the first date.
I have had more than one man tell me that he paid for dinner, therefore I owed him sex. I've told each that there are names for women who feel that way, and that if I was a hooker, he wouldn't be able to afford me.

I think it depends on the situation, and also one's dating history. I always want to pay for something, just so the above scenario doesn't happen yet again. I've also had male friends tell me that, if the woman doesn't at least offer to pay for the tip or whatever, they consider her a user.

A similar situation is men not knowing whether or not to open doors for a woman. They're always surprised to learn that a woman may want to have the car door opened for them (especially in the rain!), but have to find something to do other than look bored and privledged (sp?) while waiting for him to get to the woman's side.

Were those guys around HERE??? (Here is Pittsburgh for those who don't know) If anything, I've found most of the guys around here that I dated even in the most casual of manners insist on paying for the first date and get borderline offended if I offer to pay for anything. I'm convinced that part of the reason this one guy I went out with didn't ask me out again is because I paid for the movie tickets - issue with parking and ticket sellout - I didn't do it to emasculate him, which it seems he felt I did.

AGDee · #11 03-06-2010, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

A similar situation is men not knowing whether or not to open doors for a woman. They're always surprised to learn that a woman may want to have the car door opened for them (especially in the rain!), but have to find something to do other than look bored and privledged (sp?) while waiting for him to get to the woman's side.

But, if a man opens my door, I also always reach across and open his for him while he's walking back to his side. That's just thoughtfulness and consideration.

DaemonSeid · #12 03-06-2010, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
I just got back from seeing a movie, and there was a couple there that brought in Subway. I knew it was Subway because I could smell it when they walked right by where we were sitting. I saw this post earlier and I thought about GC so I just had to post it.

Im a hypocrite now....LOL

AGDee · #13 03-05-2010, 10:32 AM

Whoever asks should pay. The person who was asked should offer to pay half. The person who asked should not accept because they made the offer in the first place.

Bottom line: only invite people to something you can afford. That could mean the first date is a walk in the park and stopping for an ice cream. Dating doesn't have to be pricey. It can be a free concert outdoors in the summer. Live within your means, don't try to impress by taking somebody to a place you can't afford. Period.

DaemonSeid · #14 03-05-2010, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

Whoever asks should pay. The person who was asked should offer to pay half. The person who asked should not accept because they made the offer in the first place.

Bottom line: only invite people to something you can afford. That could mean the first date is a walk in the park and stopping for an ice cream. Dating doesn't have to be pricey. It can be a free concert outdoors in the summer. Live within your means, don't try to impress by taking somebody to a place you can't afford. Period.

Exactly...dating should be more about getting to know someone and making sure your likes and dislikes are compatible are rather than trying to impress with the wallet.

Little32 · #15 03-05-2010, 10:58 AM

For me, the guy generally pays for the first date and, usually, several subsequent ones, and this economy hasn't changed that. Of course, he is also the one that is usually doing the inviting in the early stages. Also, to be honest, I probably would nix a guy in the early stages, if he invited me out and then expected me to pay for any portion of the date. If I offer, that is one thing, but for him to expect it is another.

It is not really a set-in-stone policy that I have, because I don't really mind reciprocity (and I generally do reciprocate as things move along). I guess I just tend to attract men (with some few exceptions) that are old-school (meaning they insist on paying) in this and other regards--which is good because I am kind of old-school myself--so that's how things generally go.