Dating and finances
 

I was on an show last night that discussed this and thought I would put this age old question out to the group:


In these economical times, how feasible is it to cling to the age old belief that the 'man should pay for everything' on the first (or any) date?

Should anyone have to 'pay for everything' on a date?

When and why?

When is a good time to decide on finances when dating someone?

I thought this was posted already.

Well, I'll bite anyway.
I just think it should work both ways.

It probably was...o well this is what happens at 6am.

This came up because the program I was on, the hosts wanted to 'redefine' dating and does it mean more than just who can spend what on the first dates.

I think the perspective we wanted to show was during the times we were living in now with economics being what it is, should people adjust their ideas and beliefs on who should do what in the initial courting (dating) stages?

Discussion ensues...




(Sidebar: I hate you people....the other day, at her suggestion, s/o and I snuck cold cuts in to The Wolfman movie! GC is a bad influence!!!!)

Whoever asks should pay. The person who was asked should offer to pay half. The person who asked should not accept because they made the offer in the first place.

Bottom line: only invite people to something you can afford. That could mean the first date is a walk in the park and stopping for an ice cream. Dating doesn't have to be pricey. It can be a free concert outdoors in the summer. Live within your means, don't try to impress by taking somebody to a place you can't afford. Period.

Exactly...dating should be more about getting to know someone and making sure your likes and dislikes are compatible are rather than trying to impress with the wallet.

I hadn't ever really though about it...
 

For me, the guy generally pays for the first date and, usually, several subsequent ones, and this economy hasn't changed that. Of course, he is also the one that is usually doing the inviting in the early stages. Also, to be honest, I probably would nix a guy in the early stages, if he invited me out and then expected me to pay for any portion of the date. If I offer, that is one thing, but for him to expect it is another.

It is not really a set-in-stone policy that I have, because I don't really mind reciprocity (and I generally do reciprocate as things move along). I guess I just tend to attract men (with some few exceptions) that are old-school (meaning they insist on paying) in this and other regards--which is good because I am kind of old-school myself--so that's how things generally go.

So are men setting bad examples or bad expectations if they 'pay for everything'?

To me, it is one of the many acts--to be clear, not the only; because he could pay for dinner and still be a complete ass--that signal that he has gentlemanly qualities, which I value. I don't think that is a bad expectation or bad example.

Cool, ok Little32, how do you define 'dating'? Not the one time act like going to a movie but the entire concept? Also what has changed for you since you started through now?

A MAN SHOULD PAY FOR EVERYTHING ON THE FIRST DATE. AND PROBABLY SECOND. THIRD IS UP FOR GRABS. IF THE RECESSION IS HITTING YOU THAT BAD, DON'T DATE.

Uh...hunh...why so personal...lol.

Dating is the getting to know him/and, perhaps, deciding if you want it to be more serious process; (though it could just be for fun too). Dating =/= relationship to me; dating is what you do to determine whether there is relationship potential (or, again, just for fun) and can go on for as long or as short as both folks need it too. For me, I tend to date for a long time before I decide that I want the relationship; and I may or may not be seeing other people at any stage in that process.

What has changed for me? I am enjoying much more the "dating for fun" stuff these days.

LOL :D

I agree with Dee, whoever asks should pay, and guys, don't think you have to take her to Ruth's Chris plus a theater production afterwards. There are some girls out there dating just to see what they can scam from guys, which is exactly why the first date should be fairly low key.

Sidebar: I realize that guys want to be "safe" on the first date, but for the love of all that's holy, if you have other choices available, stay away from boring chain restaurants. It just smacks of having zero imagination or personality. A guy took me to Bar Louie for the first date and if the Yankees hat he was wearing wasn't bad enough, this just added to it. I'd rather go to a place you truly dig.

When my s/o and I started dating, he was working full time in a sweet managerial position. He asked me to a movie and afterward, we ended up at Denny's talking for 3 hours about everything. I agree a first date should be low-key. It should involve an activity that encourages lots of talking and I don't know of an expensive date that will really allow for that.

S/o and I have been going dutch since August. We're both full time students on a very limited income. It's not really fair for one person to pay all the time.

That's my philosophy.

The only times I've ever paid everything for a date were:
*When I took a guy out on his birthday. I planned the whole thing as a gift to him.
*I went to the movies with a guy and he was late, so I bought the tickets (didn't want them to sell out). He bought me snacks.
*I was on a date where we randomly stopped for coffee and I paid that time--it was the 5th date and he'd paid for the first 4 dates. At that point, he had been so good to me that I wanted to do something for him, even if it was just coffee.

Honestly, up until a couple months ago I've always been a student on a student's budget. I'm always up for free stuff (a walk in the park, hanging out at a bookstore, etc). If we go somewhere that requires money, it's almost never my idea. If he wants to go there, he can pay.

Live-in and I tend to split things and/or switch on and off. It helps both of us to stay on budget while still going out on "dates."

I honestly don't remember if he paid/I paid during our first few dates - but we did some group hangout time that kindof took the pressure off of dating period.