The Single's Bucket List

christiangirl · #1 06-15-2009, 02:21 AM

I've noticed that, whenever people have been married awhile, they occasionally launch into the old "Things I wish I had done when I was still single" speech. Well, as a perpetually single person, I decided this weekend that I don't want to have a speech like that. I'm taking advantage of my unmarried time by making a list of stuff I want to do before I'm married. What's some of the stuff you guys wish you had done before you and the attachments and responsibilities that came with marriage?

(and before anyone asks, traveling is #1 on The List!)

Xanthus · #2 06-15-2009, 03:14 AM

I've never been married, but I think there's always going to be something that comes up that you wish you would have done before you got married. Maybe it's just me, but I honestly don't think I'll ever do everything I want to do before I get married. The same thing can apply as we age. Things we wish we would have done in college or highschool etc. Still a good topic to chat about.

KSUViolet06 · #3 06-15-2009, 07:55 AM

So you can't travel once you're married?

AlwaysSAI · #4 06-15-2009, 08:42 AM

I, personally, think it's easier to just pack up your stuff and leave one day for an indefinite amount of time in Europe, Asia, Canada, where ever you want to go-as a single person. Once you're married, your spouse may not want to go, will probably want a time line, etc.

DrPhil · #5 06-15-2009, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

So you can't travel once you're married?

Not in a selfish manner. Then again, many of us with concerned families (other than a spouse) and professional responsibilities couldn't travel for an indefinite amount of time.

I don't have a singles bucket list.

KSigkid · #6 06-15-2009, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Not in a selfish manner. Then again, many of us with concerned families (other than a spouse) and professional responsibilities couldn't travel for an indefinite amount of time.

I don't have a singles bucket list.

Agreed on both counts - I think at a certain point, professional responsibilities end up having more of a limiting effect on these "bucket list" items than marriage.

I don't have a singles bucket list either; if I felt like my single life was somehow incomplete, I probably wouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

Munchkin03 · #7 06-15-2009, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

So you can't travel once you're married?

When you're single, you can crash on a friend's couch when you go visit them. A group of friends can kip in on one hotel room. You only have your work schedule to plan vacations around.

When you're married, have two work schedules to plan around, and a lot of people buy a house, or start saving for one, pretty soon after they get married. If your friends don't have guest bedrooms yet, it's a hotel for you. Since people have finite numbers of vacation days, and not everyone lives close to their families like they did two generations ago, it's not easy to plan a vacation and still make sure you have enough time off for the year to visit his family for Christmas and yours for Thanksgiving.

I'm really glad I got my crazy world travel experiences under my belt early on--it would be hard to schedule 3 weeks backpacking in Southeast Asia with a real job!

Little32 · #8 06-15-2009, 01:07 PM

Well, I wanted to get my degree before I settled down, and that's done.

Don't really have other things that I absolutely must do while single. :thinking:

DrPhil · #9 06-15-2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

When you're single, you can crash on a friend's couch when you go visit them. A group of friends can kip in on one hotel room.

This can also happen when you're married and it can also NOT happen if you're single, depending on your circumstances.

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

MysticCat · #10 06-15-2009, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I, personally, think it's easier to just pack up your stuff and leave one day for an indefinite amount of time in Europe, Asia, Canada, where ever you want to go-as a single person.

Provided (1) you can afford it and (2) you have a job where they don't care if you just all of a sudden pack up your stuff and leave the country indefinitely. Good luck with that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

You make choices in life, and if there's something you want to do that matters, you figure out how to make it happen. "But I can't because I'm married" sounds like an excuse to me. (Well, except for the obvious "can't/won't do that because I'm married" things.

)

SydneyK · #11 06-15-2009, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

As for me and my "before kids" list, there are a couple things hubby and I want(ed) to do that are dangerous enough that we don't feel like it's fair to our kids for us to do them. For instance, we've always wanted to go skydiving. While that's probably technically safe enough (after all, there are numerous safety measures in place), we're just afraid of the risk. We wouldn't have that fear if it were just the two of us.

AGDee · #12 06-15-2009, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

You make choices in life, and if there's something you want to do that matters, you figure out how to make it happen. "But I can't because I'm married" sounds like an excuse to me. (Well, except for the obvious "can't/won't do that because I'm married" things.

)

I can't speak to the "being married" part anymore, but I can speak to the parent part. I'm very limited as to what I can do because of my kids, but it is still my choice for right now. What I want to do right now is be around so that my teens know I'm keeping tabs on them. With kids, I have to own a home big enough for them to live in, even if I'd prefer a one bedroom condo with no lawn mowing and snow blowing required. With kids, I have to live within 100 miles of my ex-husband AND be able to get them to school every day that they are in my custody because the court says so. With a 50-50 custody arrangement, you're pretty limited and restricted to remaining in a certain geographic area. I choose to be limited as to how much I can date/be in a relationship because I choose to keep that part of my life completely and totally separate from my kids. I'm looking for a partner for me, not a dad for them and I'm not comfortable with them going through relationship ups and downs along with me, so I won't involve them. I also am much more limited financially while supporting two kids than I would be if it was "just me".

But, once that youngest is in college, I'm moving to Atlanta to be with the man who I have wanted to be with for the last 9 years. That's the bucket list, post-parenthood

AlwaysSAI · #13 06-15-2009, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Provided (1) you can afford it and (2) you have a job where they don't care if you just all of a sudden pack up your stuff and leave the country indefinitely. Good luck with that.

As a public school teacher who is awesome at saving money--I don't think I'll really have a problem with that.

As long as I leave after school ends and get back by the first workday, that is....

I did the whole "Europe tour" thing in high school. Hopefully, I'll save for a few more years and have the money to spend a few weeks relaxing in Switzerland.

Munchkin03 · #14 06-15-2009, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This can also happen when you're married and it can also NOT happen if you're single, depending on your circumstances.

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking about the things that were easier for me to do when I was single, compared to when I was living with ex-boy; I was also thinking about where my friends and I are in our lives. No one has room for more than one couch-crashing guest.

I have noticed that now that the kids are gone and retirement is the reality, my parents do all sorts of crazy stuff that's not too dissimilar from what I was doing a few years ago! Money + no obligations = party time, apparently.

DrPhil · #15 06-15-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking about the things that were easier for me to do when I was single, compared to when I was living with ex-boy; I was also thinking about where my friends and I are in our lives. No one has room for more than one couch-crashing guest.

Ahhh...therein lies the rub.

Almost all of our friends have houses with guest bedrooms. No need to literally crash a couch. You figuratively crash it.

On roadtrips where we stay in hotels without significant others, everyone stays in the same room. Queen beds, pull-out couches, cots, etc.

This won't be a weekly thing nor will people always have the time, energy, and interest in doing these things. But, they aren't impossible to do when you're not single. They are just reserved for homecomings, holiday gatherings, and annual chapter reunions.