ROOMMATE CONFLICT - Help!

sherryanne · #1 12-18-2008, 08:00 PM

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#2 12-18-2008, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherryanne

I'll keep this story short. Basically, at the beginning of the year, I told my roommate that no boys are allowed in the room overnight, but she has broken that a few times already (more so lately). He has stayed over 6 days (out of the past 8 days). I know I'm going to have to confront her about this, but we're out for winterbreak this Saturday. Is it better to 1.) tell her before we leave for break or 2.) tell her after break when we come back? I'm afraid when we come back, she's going to fall into this routine again.

Tell her now. Do you live in campus housing? Do you have a no-guests without permission policy?

DaemonSeid · #3 12-18-2008, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherryanne

I'll keep this story short. Basically, at the beginning of the year, I told my roommate that no boys are allowed in the room overnight, but she has broken that a few times already (more so lately). He has stayed over 6 days (out of the past 8 days). I know I'm going to have to confront her about this, but we're out for winterbreak this Monday. Is it better to 1.) tell her before we leave for break or 2.) tell her after break when we come back? I'm afraid when we come back, she's going to fall into this routine again.

- if she is dealing with boys that could be grounds for pedophilia

- ever thought about taping her?

- what about joining in?

- instead of telling us this, confront her NOW.

DaemonSeid · #4 12-18-2008, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherryanne

Yes, on-campus housing, but guests are allowed. I guess I'll have to confront her again...

I was afraid that if I told her now, she was going to forget when we come back. But forget that silly thought. Thanks guys!

So why did you ask us?

People don't forget shyte like that...are you scared of her? Is she bigger than you or sumn?

sheesh

KSUViolet06 · #5 12-18-2008, 09:55 PM

Get off of the internet and confront her about it.

33girl · #6 12-18-2008, 11:57 PM

Did you ask to be in a limited visitation/no overnight visitors dorm and got stuck where you are now?

If you don't ever want any male overnight guests in your room - for your roommate OR you - then talk to the housing poobah and see if you can switch to a limited visitation dorm next semester. There's probably someone in the limited vis dorm who's miserable and would take your place in a minute.

It sounds like she's being inconsiderate, but if you are in a dorm where overnight guests ARE allowed, for you to tell your roommate you are refusing to follow dorm policy is inconsiderate as well.

If you go to one of those hippie colleges where everything is 24 hour visitation, again, talk to the housing poobah and see if you can be matched with a more like-minded roommate.

PANTHERTEKE · #7 12-19-2008, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you go to one of those hippie colleges where everything is 24 hour visitation, again, talk to the housing poobah and see if you can be matched with a more like-minded roommate.

I never knew anything but 24 hour visitations dorms still existed.

Had that not been the case at my school I don't know where I would've spent many drunken nights.

cheerfulgreek · #8 12-21-2008, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

So why did you ask us?

People don't forget shyte like that...are you scared of her? Is she bigger than you or sumn?

sheesh

lol lol

I was going to say tell her now, but I guess I'm a little late.

nikki1920 · #9 12-19-2008, 12:31 AM

Talk to her before you leave and again when you get back. Your right to be comfortable overrides her need to get some.

AKA_Monet · #10 12-19-2008, 12:37 AM

You pay for part of that room. She needs to get a hotel if she wants to street walk, seriously. That is nasty and you aren't into voyeurism.

Seriously, his pee-pee is not worth it if he can't find his own place to bone...

agzg · #11 12-19-2008, 07:35 PM

If they're not being as inconsiderate as having sex in the room while you're sleeping (people do that - it happened to me), maybe you can set up a schedule. Like he can stay 2 or 3 days a week, and they have to tell you ahead of time so that you can make other arrangements. Maybe not sleeping at someone else's house but you can make plans to study in a friend's room or something so you don't feel so crowded.

MysticCat · #12 12-19-2008, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

If they're not being as inconsiderate as having sex in the room while you're sleeping (people do that - it happened to me), maybe you can set up a schedule. Like he can stay 2 or 3 days a week, and they have to tell you ahead of time so that you can make other arrangements. Maybe not sleeping at someone else's house but you can make plans to study in a friend's room or something so you don't feel so crowded.

You mean be in sexile?

agzg · #13 12-21-2008, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You mean be in sexile?

That would be it. When I was a freshman, my roommate brought a guy home (at 4am no less), woke me up, I fell back asleep, and they started having sex. I woke up, got up, left the room, and ended up sleeping on the floor in the hallway after pounding on a friend's locked door (she's a ridiculously heavy sleeper).

The next day, it was the fight heard throughout the dorm.

CuriousWildcat · #14 12-22-2008, 12:35 AM

I know at UK roommates in the dorm have to agree to things like when dishes get done, overnight guests, and study times and sign a paper. If you did this and agreed at the beginning to not have overnight guests, then this is against what youagreed upon and you should talk to your RA.

If you are just afraid of talking to her about it you could still talk to your RA. 6 out of 8 nights in a row is a lot for a dorm room to hold 3 people if everyone isnt comfortable.

ASTalumna06 · #15 12-22-2008, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Did you tell her BEFORE you signed up and made the decision to become roommates (which I'm assuming was last spring) that you didn't want overnight visitors? "The beginning of the year" sounds to me like she walked in the first day in September and you flipped the script. If a person I was friends with did that to me, not only would I be pretty pissed, but I'd probably say forget you and do exactly what your roommate is doing.

Very true. This is what comes with rooming with friends. If you don't know what the other expects from day 1, there's going to be a problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CuriousWildcat

I know at UK roommates in the dorm have to agree to things like when dishes get done, overnight guests, and study times and sign a paper. If you did this and agreed at the beginning to not have overnight guests, then this is against what youagreed upon and you should talk to your RA.

We had roommate contracts. At the beginning of the year, you'd fill one out with your roommate, establishing "rules" ahead of time so there's no confusion (similar to what CuriousWildcat has said here). "No boys in the room overnight" would be something you'd want to write down at that time (if both of you agreed). Do you have something like this? Or was it just a verbal agreement? If it's the latter, there's nothing more you can do but talk to her about it.

If you don't have it written down, and she continues to bring her bf over, there's little you can do about it... except request to move somewhere else.

In the meantime, be glad they're not having sex in the room. I'd go to walk into my room at 2am on a Tuesday, and my roommate and her bf would be going at it. And a few times, they did it while I was in the room.

Welcome to having college roommates.